Re: Hello Girls-Born-Abroad :D happy thread
Well, growing up I read a lot and watched tv and chatted on the phone with my friends lots. We have a huge family, mashAllah and for a while we were one of the few households settled here. That meant that there was always at least ONE relative (and usually more) staying with us. My mom was constantly a great hostess (and later even while working). She basically does it all. Abu was constantly inviting people over and volunteering himself or our home for any Pakistani/desi person/event. It was hard on both of them (especially Ammi), but I think they both felt it was important to maintain a traditional welcoming Pakistani home, even without all the servants and high income.
I grew up very close to my family. I am the oldest. with two younger brothers and people think it's weird that we don't usually fight and didn't much even as children. I LOVED visits from my cousins (much to the surprise of my non-desi friends, who dreaded visits from relatives). In my childhood it was usually only my dad's side that visited; very few of my mom's side had the resources to travel to the US. My nani did come when my youngest brother was born and both nani and nana visited again a few years later. Nana passed away before he could make another visit. Now that all of my mamoons have their green cards (received 15 years after applying), nani comes more regularly, tho she gave up HER green card long ago.
My parents had a core group of desi Muslim friends that had become like family. They all had kids around the same time, and these are still some of my closest friends (I think of them like my cousins and my daughter will call them khala and mamoon).
I also had a good group of friends at school. I was usually the only Pakistani-American and Muslim, but I never minded that; my strong connection with my family made me confident to share my religious and cultural background, though there were a few times when I envied blonde hair, pink skin, etc. Those were rare moments. By college, I loved being in the minority and talking about myself :D. Though I did have good non-desi friends, I was not allowed sleepovers or lots of late parties, etc. I was able to convince my parents to let me go to prom and other dances. I did not take dates.
I went to a co-ed public school until the end of 5th grade, then attended a private girls' school. I loved it and gained a greater degree of confidence and poise. I participated in plays/theater, a quiz show team, math meets, arts, cultural, and diversity clubs. I was never athletic.
Ammi taught us to read the Quran and I attended Islamic schools for two hours on Sundays. I was always with older students because I was ahead, thanks to Ammi's teaching. We also had annual speech contests and I participated regularly (and won a few trophies :D ). The Islamic school was just in its beginning stages when I was little and all run by volunteers; there was a lot of trial and error, but looking back I have a lot of respect for the persistence and hard work of everyone who ran it and taught in it. After I graduated I was only in 10th grade, so I started helping out in the KG classroom there -- lots of fun!
Affording college for middle class families in the US is nearly impossible. My college counselor pretty much told me my parents weren't in enough debt. Abbu and I had pretty much decided that I would go to the state university and attend its honors program. That's when Ammi stepped in, knowing how much I wanted to attend another college. So I ended up going to the small liberal arts college of my dreams -- having some of the best years of my life (don't tell hubby!) and still not fully comprehending the sacrifices my family must've made.
I majored in English and completed my pre-med requirements. I never really wanted to do medicine, but I enjoyed chem and bio, and it appeased the parents. I grew up hearing how teaching would be a waste of my time and talents. Also that English was a frivolous pursuit and not the basis for a career. A relative told me there was no such thing as a phd in English, and a cab driver told me not to worry, I could go back to school later and get a real degree. And since I can't stand people telling me what to do, I got a masters in English, another in Education, became an English teacher, and eventually the head of my department, all in my twenties. Now I am taking a couple years off to raise my daughter.
I was engaged at 23 to the man of my choice (and parents were happy) and married at 24. I live ten minutes from parents, brothers, and inlaws. MashAllah we had a daughter 3 months ago, after 5 years of marriage, and she is the light of everyone's life. She is spoiled with love, and a lucky girl to have so much family around.
I loved to visit Pakistan growing up. I never minded the bathrooms, tummy aches, water issues, chipkalis. I loved sleeping on the floor at my nani's or cousins' houses and the madness of "shadi ka ghar". My brothers and I felt very uncomfortable with the special treatment we got from relatives in Pakistan. We also are awkward around servants, not being used to asking people to do things for us like that. In my teen years and early twenties, trips to Pakistan were also filled with sobs, as relatives I barely knew loved to point out every flaw they noticed. In the US it's so rare to have people discuss your flaws openly with you; it is only meanspirited. I was constantly embarrassed and hurt, shutting myself up in the bathroom to cry, despite usually being a content and confident person. But I have very strong feelings of love for the lifestyle I encountered in my family in Pakistan; I was married there. When I went back alone a few years later, I was crying and crying to leave; it felt like my actual ruksati. I think I knew I couldn't visit like that again. During my trip one of my mamoons got his green card call; I knew the spirit of my nani's house would dwindle as each mamoon slowly migrated and had to deal with struggling in the US. My khalas are still there, as is one phuppo, and lots of extended family.
Phew! long post! Any questions? :D