Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
I don't think his parents would mind , they're more likely to be looking forward to our wedding, but that's something that he has to sit and talk with them, which i have to try to convince him to do..
2 years would have been enough to fulfill his responsibilities, besides he's already working.. guys, 3/4 years is a very long time to wait, and i think i'm reasonable to prefer getting married not too late and having kids early...
and like i said, i'm hoping to have a decent job (sollicitor) so it's not like i would cost him anything, quite the opposite.
Ideally, his sister and us would get married at the same time, if wedding cost is an issue, it would help a lot ..
I feel like anytime someone makes excuses, then they aren't really into that thing. A compromise should be reached between you two as to when you can live together as husband and wife. For this both of you need to sit down, and he especially needs to think about what needs to be done, what compromises can be made. Your relationship however should never take the back seat.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
I can understand his point of view. Just get nikkah done, and yes, its normal to have a long nikkah if you can't get married quickly, its no problem! I know girls who got married to army guys and had to wait a similar period before getting married so that the guy could get posted to a family station, as she didn't want to get married and live with in laws while he lives on the front lines.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
Thanks for your replies
I know his reasons are valid, but he wouldn't like his sister to get married at 28 so i just feel it's a bit unfair.. besides i'll have a good job inshallah so it's not like i would be a burden, financially speaking to him... or that i'll depend on him..
is it common to have nikkah a long time before you have a proper wedding ? or is it better to just get engaged ? i don't have any doubt o whether he's truely commited to me, it's just to make it official and keep people's mouths shut, if you see what i mean..
find another guy and get married. It looks like double standard in your case.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
I can understand his point of view. Just get nikkah done, and yes, its normal to have a long nikkah if you can't get married quickly, its no problem! I know girls who got married to army guys and had to wait a similar period before getting married so that the guy could get posted to a family station, as she didn't want to get married and live with in laws while he lives on the front lines.
Here there is no reason to have a separate nikka and ruksati. It is not a good idea to add another layer of complication when there is already a hesitant dulha.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
Just to make things clear, he loves me to death and i'm lucky for that, i know he's honest, he's just overwhelmed with all the responsibilities, the issue here is that i thought 2 years from now would be ok to get married, but he thinks it's gonna take the double to make things stable from his point of view
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
thanks sarashahid =) i know the best thing is to discuss this together, but right now it's impossible with him being busy with work and travelling around the country and me and my exams, and on the other side my sis saying that i'm stupid not to get married soon when it really doesn't depend on me !
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
I don't see the point in keeping the marriage on hold... such responsibilities and married life can go hand in hand. Many people do get married and then also take care of all these responsibilities, don't they? And if his sister's marriage would delay yours to 3-4 years than there is a lot of time for that. If she was to be married immediately or within a year, then it was understandable to wait for a bit. About paying off the debts... it's not like you'll be a burden on him, in fact you can help and support him with his responsibilities.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
Women support men with their debts like since when? Aren't guppans of the believe that what they earn is for them and them ONLY so they can get that $500 purse or that $80 dollar haircut? :p
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
what is wrong with a $80 haircut? Also, many women are helping hand for their husband, if you haven't seen such women, it does not mean that they don't exist.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
we talked and we agreed on getting married in 2 years, basically the problem with him was that he wanted to make sure that he's stable enough and earns enough because he's kinda scared of what my parents will think of him.. i explained that my parents are not focused on my husband's payroll and that's why they made me study as much as i can so that i can be independant, and they'd rather have me married at 26 than wait a few more years.
however, he doesn't want to talk about it and i try to explain to him that we have to prepare to this, and he just freaks out, which is truely annoying because i need to know when our families can meet and whether we get engaged this year
for now i'm just gonna be distant for a while because i'm truly pissed, he just takes me for granted and thinks that i can deal with all the issues on my own, there's no reason why i should be the only one to care about our future.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married…
I am sorry to say but sounds like “He is not interested in marriage at all” or “he is not interested in you”. My words may be harsh but i have seen so many couples and their breakups that i have a reason here to believe. Even 8 or 10 years old relationship are ended really badly.
Why he is avoiding to make it official?
When guys are in love with a girl and they really want to get them, they start planning as soon as they get a job. Why he hesitant to make it official if you are ready to do all the sacrifices after engagement. You are the one who is dealing with the parents. If he is taking you for granted then play a trick with him. It will clear your situation. Tell him that you have a very good proposal and your parents have given you a choice to accept this proposal or to make your relationship official. See what he says. Make it clear to him that you want to stand with him in his hard times but for this you need his support and cooperation in your hard times. It will show you how sincere he is.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
we talked and we agreed on getting married in 2 years, basically the problem with him was that he wanted to make sure that he's stable enough and earns enough because he's kinda scared of what my parents will think of him.. i explained that my parents are not focused on my husband's payroll and that's why they made me study as much as i can so that i can be independant, and they'd rather have me married at 26 than wait a few more years.
however, he doesn't want to talk about it and i try to explain to him that we have to prepare to this, and he just freaks out, which is truely annoying because i need to know when our families can meet and whether we get engaged this year
for now i'm just gonna be distant for a while because i'm truly pissed, he just takes me for granted and thinks that i can deal with all the issues on my own, there's no reason why i should be the only one to care about our future.
If you both agree on getting married in 2 years time, you can get engaged or nikahfied this year. He should also agree to this. If he does not, then you should not trust him. After spending 2 years, he will want to linger on further 2 years and you will be wasting your time.
Just be a little away from him. Whenever you gets a chance to talk to him, tell him that your parents might be considering someone for you (as cutefifa suggested) and see his reaction. You will have a clear picture about his true intentions.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
I told him several times that if he doesn't want to talk about it now, it just means that he doesnt want to commit and he doesn't really want to marry me, but he kept saying that he does and that he loves me. you're right, he takes me for granted so i'm just gonna give him time and space and not even talk to him, if he cares then he'll come after me.
