I wanted to share my problem and know what you think about it.
I have been with someone for 3 years now, we know since the beginning that we’re perfect for each other and want to get married.
However, he’s two years younger than me, i have started to tell my family about him and i’ve gotten some remarks such as i should think about getting married because i’m soon 24, instead of waiting.
Personally, i want to get married in 2 years by the time i’m done with my studies.
However, he told me that he has to pay his father’s debts, has to marry his sister who’s my age, and go back to uni for a year, and he wants us to get married in 3/4 years.
I’m really desperate since he told me that because it’s just too much time, i’ll be like 28 and i know people are gonna talk like oh she’s getting old and all that and my parents will be hurt..
I don’t know what to do and what i should say to him so he that understands me…
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
He has his reasons..which are valid.... so the best u can ask him to do is making it official (engagement/ or something)........that way you will be sure that he is truly committed to you n stuff.......u can have the wedding n stuff when he is ready.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
He has his reasons..which are valid.... so the best u can ask him to do is making it official (engagement/ or something)........that way you will be sure that he is truly committed to you n stuff.......u can have the wedding n stuff when he is ready.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
have him at least make it official, whether italk to the parents, getting engaged etc and hten get married when it's the "right time". If he's sincere, he will be willing ot take that first step..
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
Thanks for your replies
I know his reasons are valid, but he wouldn't like his sister to get married at 28 so i just feel it's a bit unfair.. besides i'll have a good job inshallah so it's not like i would be a burden, financially speaking to him... or that i'll depend on him..
is it common to have nikkah a long time before you have a proper wedding ? or is it better to just get engaged ? i don't have any doubt o whether he's truely commited to me, it's just to make it official and keep people's mouths shut, if you see what i mean..
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
What I suggest is do NOT say "I wnat to make it official to keep ppls' mouths shut" even if that's what you feel......thats definitely not going to help your case at all.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
You should be supportive of him and wait until the right time to get married. It seems like he has too many responsibilities at such a young age and making him stress over marriage will only add to his worries. 3-4 years isn't a long wait imo. And 28 is the average(ish) age girls get married these days so your parents need not stress either. You'll be fine! You can use this waiting time constructively and work on building a successful career for yourself.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
You can't live your life based on what people are going to say, what a crappy life that must be!
I know ! that's what i keep telling my sister (she's double my age and she raised me so she kinda plays the role of mother), i really am not someone to care about what people say and i never want to know what they say, i'm someone who has other serious issues to deal like normal people. but like mizsani says, i don't want my parents to be hurt, it's the most painful thing when you're a woman..
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
I know ! that's what i keep telling my sister (she's double my age and she raised me so she kinda plays the role of mother), i really am not someone to care about what people say and i never want to know what they say, i'm someone who has other serious issues to deal like normal people. but like mizsani says,** i don't want my parents to be hurt, it's the most painful thing when you're a woman..**
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
sorry i meant to say that i can easily ignore what people say, but it's different with parents, they care about what people say, unfortunately, and the thing is a lot of people are jealous of my family, i don't even know why, so they jump on every occasion to point their fingers at us, and then my parents get hurt, which i can't stand. i already had a rishta broken because the guy was a psycho and was stalking me lol and people were making up such stories it was unbelieavable
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
One shouldn't make some one else daughter wait because he needs to get her sister wedlock first - That's not fair in my dictionary ....
I was thinking the same. But then what should he do? If he goes ahead and gets married before fulfilling his responsibilities his family wl get against him. It's the girl here who needs to evaluate the situation and judge if the guy is worth the wait and more importantly can she trust him that much to keep her marriage on hold for 3-4 years?.
Re: He wants me to wait too long before we get married...
I get where you are coming from. He needs to talk to his family and whatever you two are suited for, then go for it, be it either engagement or nikkah. Guys do have a lot of pressure on them, and I'm sure you're the understanding time. But at the same time, this can't be a one sided road. He needs to understand where you're coming from too. If his parents are up for it, and you are sure that they don't have an objection to you being older than him, because let's face is, not everyone is enlightened, then there would be no road bumps in your path. However, if he is making excuses, or if his parents are making excuses, then you have to consider yourself, and your future, and you have to end this relationship. It's a hard decision, but sometimes it has to be done. In the end, whatever happens, happens for the best.