So, may I ask what part of the world thses people are from? Since on so many posts I have read that culture, countries, and ethinicity play a part in how people treat each other.....I would really like to know.
And not because I would like to be involved in this partidular issue, since I could never figure out who these poele are any way! I jusat wonder from a purely psychological-worldly informational point of view.
Sincerely sorry. Cannot answer to you query. Besides, the culture/background etc. have little to do when these sort of situations come. Human reactions for the most part are same everywhere.
Are you somehow in to psychology? No need to answer if you don't want to. :)
Many, many players stay for even longer than a year! THey stay until they are "found out"..........and for some this can be a long time.....dpending on how far into the sand...or the fantasies the womans head is!
Yes. Even though head-sand relation thing is a little bit harsh to say. :)
I would agree to the fantasy part and as followings:
-If she has no other better alternative
-Has low self esteem
-Guy is a real charmer, plays an emotional game with her (this can be further discussed)
-She is also a player, (getting free dinners/gifts/attention ) and both are equally trying to deceive each other
I think it was foolish and immature of the woman to get "another person" to initiate such a serious question. Surely, she would have thought to herself before hand how awkward it would be if her boyfriend dodged the question or outright rejected the idea. It seems she didn't consider the possible consequences of such a question and how embarrassing the response can be for all three parties : 1) the guy 2) the woman 3) the questioner.
The situation sort of reminds me of high school where you get your best friend to "hint or tell" the object of your affection that you have a crush on them....or that you'd like be asked to homecoming dance or prom.
It wasn't the brightest plan. Plus, I feel that a marriage proposal is such a serious matter......that it's better discussed b/w the guy and the girl....and their families. A huge social event such as a desi wedding/the conservative culture....where there's always the risk of gossip with greater consequences for women....is not the best place to bring up such a discussion. Even if the guy did have any intention of marrying her....the question puts him on the spot and can make him uneasy. Some people prefer to discuss such things in a more private setting.
When the girl requested to bring up the question.....I think it would have been better to point out the possible outcomes of the question....and maybe suggest to her other ways of discussing the topic of marriage with him (outside of the wedding).
If she’s anxious enough to ask a stranger to talk to this guy to get him serious about marrying her, then there are issues in that relationship. She KNOWS he isn’t going to marry her, and he’s just in it for a free ride, and she’s just getting taken advantage of.
I don’t blame her for being with him despite all that. I mean we all have a basic physiologic and psychologic need to have a partner, a friend, a companion of some sort in some sort of fashion. For some of us, that is our sex-in-the-city-we-****-about-men social groups, and for some of us, its being in a transient relationship. Better to be in some sort of relationship where you get some fulfillment than being in no relationship.
Take it from me. I’ve almost never entered a relationship I knew for sure was going anywhere, but I felt that it was better to take at least one chance in life and be disappointed than never having taken a chance. Am I left disappointed each time? Yes. Am I left alone each time? Yes. Do I know that’s my fate? Yes. Do I still smile at the next guy that comes along? Yes.
Because you never know where life will take you.
Having said that, I’m about as stupid as her. I’m a lovesick puppy now for my boss who 1. is not muslim 2. has a gf 3 is ready to move in with her but not marry her, so you can already know what type of guy he is and 4. is smoking hot in terms of his personality and 5. looks like a lizard.
And I agree with most of the posters above. This is complicated business.
Stay out of it. She's an adult. She is responsible for her own decisions. If she is ok with being with a douchebag who will never properly take care of her, then oh well. That's her choice. Maybe she has good reason to be in that relationship. So what if he doesn't marry her?
^PCG......the girl didn't ask a stranger. The OP was a mutual friend of the girl and the guy. Nevertheless.....it still wasn't the wisest idea to get someone else (no matter how familiar you are with the person) to bring up a serious question........in such a big social setting. For all you know, the individual might prefer to discuss the matter in private and it creates pressure.
The girl could have had the dreaded "So where's this relationship going?" talk with the guy.....she could have hinted that she's getting other proposals/rishtay as a way to see his reaction. There were other ways to go about this. And I've seen examples where two individuals knew each other for quite a long time before getting married. Every situation is different.
Like I mentioned I was not a total stranger and was the one who introduced both of them to begin with.
They live independantly, not close to respective families at all. Both pofessional.
Before I asked the requested qestion, I had asked, “Are you sure”? I was told yes, since she had sensed lack of communication and wanted to be sure one last time with presence of the third person to be the witness. The desperation was high.
Latest is that both have indicated to me that they are not compatible to each other. The guy has not yet directly told her, can’t find the right words I guess!
My problem now is to find someone good for them.
Well, at least I have another good friend for her who is interested to meet her and she knows about him already.
so its taken u this long to find out he's a player? if u cared about the woman so much you could have told her right form the beginning.
Khair, u shouldnt have gotten involved.. and u shouldnt be posting about this stuff
At one end you say I should have told her and be involved and other end you say I should not have gotten involved.
Which one is it that you strongly suggest?
As for the posting, please explain why not?
P.S. I was brought in by the woman and was the initiator of the relationship. As to why not told her earlier, the relationship was beyond my control between two adults.
she didnt hold a gun to u matey? u should have just declined and said its not ur place to be asking such things... simple.
and in regards to telling her... what im saying is, u've opened up a thread abot this couple asking people what you should do and you think he's a player... u've gotten urself involved.. well seems u had urself involved right from the start... why could u not have addressed this earlier (clearly cus u want to) rather now.. a whole year later?
she didnt hold a gun to u matey? u should have just declined and said its not ur place to be asking such things... simple.
and in regards to telling her... what im saying is, u've opened up a thread abot this couple asking people what you should do and you think he's a player... u've gotten urself involved.. well seems u had urself involved right from the start... why could u not have addressed this earlier (clearly cus u want to) rather now.. a whole year later?
if u dont get it... no problem. I know its hard
I learned that night he might be a player. Since she told me after that he was not being communicative. To me I thought they were doing fine. Read my posts above for further explanation.
I was not spending time with them sadzz. These are two independant people.
P.S. I am the one who lost the chance of getting a wedding dinner in near future, here..:)
Many, many players stay for even longer than a year! THey stay until they are "found out"..........and for some this can be a long time.....dpending on how far into the sand...or the fantasies the womans head is!
And how many, many players have you been hanging out with? I love when people try to make it sound like they know what they are talking about. Jeez.
Diwana you are one intrusive desi twerp. Learn to respect people's personal space.
Dude it was no longer a private space between two when one invited and opened the door.
It is alright if you say you were unable to comprehend English above. It is not so big of a deal to admit English is not your first language.
Besides you may believe on this oxymoronic term as 'desi twerp 'based on your circle/company and inferiority complex or where you might belong to , I believe on 'desi and non-desi pride equally'.
