Re: He is not going to marry you!
And a relationship can not be defined in a year. No player stays with a woman for a year.
And a relationship can not be defined in a year. No player stays with a woman for a year.
If a year is not enough then even ten years may not be enough.
That is myth that a player will not stay for a year. Player will stay as long as he is welcomed/entertained to be a player.
Re: He is not going to marry you!
Diwana lets not mistake your assumptions for facts shall we? Each relationship is unique and has unique dynamics. To provide a yard stick to the human condition and inter-personal relations is absolutely retarded.
As an example. I have friends who dated for 3 years and then got married. By your standards if a year is not enough then he should have never married her and he was in fact a player.
Diwana lets not mistake your assumptions for facts shall we? Each relationship is unique and has unique dynamics. To provide a yard stick to the human condition and inter-personal relations is absolutely retarded.
As an example. I have friends who dated for 3 years and then got married. By your standards if a year is not enough then he should have never married her and he was in fact a player.
CM: Please read again what I said: 'May not be enough' I did not say as a fact.
As to your point that each relationship has its unique dynamics, that is true and like I wrote in my post above this part can be discussed what should be the turn and twist in the relationship which could possibly lead to breaking the ice.
Here is what I meant.
Depending on the circumstances, the woman has to take some actions to change the dynamics if the man keeps his part as status quo.
1- Give the relation a break.
2- Look for other alternatives instead of putting all eggs in one basket. Look around but not necessarily leave the guy.
3- Stop entertaining his needs.
4- Make him want her rather yeilding to his demands.
5- Get the sense out of relationship if the man is really a commitment minded or not.
6- Prolonging the relation is not beneficial for her in many cases, rather she may lose precious time in waiting for the man to make a move. Women have shorter life of enjoying family/children time than men.
7- Also being more commitment bound, women have more to lose emotionally than men.
8- I have seen more long term relationships not culminating in marriage than being successful. Those who did get married afte a long time broke after very short time too.
9- Not making a rule but should a woman continues to be played without having any assurance?
10- It is commonly expected in many places that a man has to take charge sometime, if not, then he may not be the right man.
Re: He is not going to marry you!
Earlier iw as about to say that @diwana; is being some random guy and why he even involved in such thing. but now .. lets not discuss this crap! but for sure i would not have asked it if i was in his shoes.
secondly - I would STRONGLY disagree with the fact that this guy is gona dump her. You can't make a judgement statement with only one sentences or act.
Every person has his own way of doing things. May be that guy hated your involvement the way everyone else is hating here and he just ignored iit so that you may not be involved any more .. ?? Gotcha?
or .. he wanted to keep things secret to surprise her .. ??
Anyway, bottom line one sentence can not tell that he is gona dump her or not. i would say 50-50!
I believe you're wrong. I don't know how well you know the couple or the details of the relationship, but there may be many reasons as to why the man isn't "ready" yet. I know quite a few couple who dated for 2 or more years before getting married. None are divorced...at least not yet.
I'm attending a wedding in about 2 months where the couple has been dating for almost 3 years. They're both doctors. Here's the kicker....they would both like to wait longer to get married. The ONLY reason they're getting married now, after 3 YEARS, is b/c the woman found out she has some gyno problems which will make it extra hard for her to get pregnant the longer she waits. A lot of people (even their "friends") are wondering why they're getting married now...since both are going through A LOT with their careers. VERY FEW people know the actual reason behind the wedding. My point being is many couples don't share everything with friends...sometimes the decision of a man or woman regarding marriage may not make sense to outsiders, but they have a good reason for not waiting for marriage (or waiting in your story) that their SO is already aware of.
I've been with my SO for almost 2 years. I've met his parents multiple times. But he wants to wait for the actual marriage. He doesn't feel any need to discuss his specific reasons to wait for marriage with "friends". As his SO, I know the reasons and am comfortable with it. As his SO, it's up to me as to whether or not I care about him enough to stay with him while he gets his issues sorted out. He would be PISSED if I brought in a 3rd party into this.
Most guys I know don't appreciate being put on the spot like you did to this guy. If you're really good friends with him...then you can discuss his GF's concerns with him in private. But for you to put him on the spot like that in front of his GF was very inappropriate.
As for the woman getting "played"....take my case as an example. I'm choosing to stay with my SO after all this time...even though we're not officially engaged or married. If he dumps me, who's fault is it? I don't think anyone is to blame but me if that was to happen.
Same with your friend. If she's in such a hurry to get married...and this guy isn't ready yet, then why is she staying with him? Tell her to break up with him and find a guy who's looking for the same things she is (ie. marriage asap). No one is forcing her to stay with him. You don't know what conversations have taken place in private b/t this couple. Whatever was said...obviously he has make it clear to her that he's not ready for marriage. Instead of getting 3rd partied involved, the woman needs to now decide whether or not she wants to continue "waiting" for him. Getting 3rd parties involved in this matter is just going to aggravate him. She needs to behave like a mature adult and make a decision instead of acting like a high school girl who's asking her friends to talk to her BF.
I believe you're wrong. I don't know how well you know the couple or the details of the relationship, but there may be many reasons as to why the man isn't "ready" yet. I know quite a few couple who dated for 2 or more years before getting married. None are divorced...at least not yet.
I'm attending a wedding in about 2 months where the couple has been dating for almost 3 years. They're both doctors. Here's the kicker....they would both like to wait longer to get married. The ONLY reason they're getting married now, after 3 YEARS, is b/c the woman found out she has some gyno problems which will make it extra hard for her to get pregnant the longer she waits. A lot of people (even their "friends") are wondering why they're getting married now...since both are going through A LOT with their careers. VERY FEW people know the actual reason behind the wedding. My point being is many couples don't share everything with friends...sometimes the decision of a man or woman regarding marriage may not make sense to outsiders, but they have a good reason for not waiting for marriage (or waiting in your story) that their SO is already aware of.
I've been with my SO for almost 2 years. I've met his parents multiple times. But he wants to wait for the actual marriage. He doesn't feel any need to discuss his specific reasons to wait for marriage with "friends". As his SO, I know the reasons and am comfortable with it. As his SO, it's up to me as to whether or not I care about him enough to stay with him while he gets his issues sorted out. He would be PISSED if I brought in a 3rd party into this.
Most guys I know don't appreciate being put on the spot like you did to this guy. If you're really good friends with him...then you can discuss his GF's concerns with him in private. But for you to put him on the spot like that in front of his GF was very inappropriate.
As for the woman getting "played"....take my case as an example. I'm choosing to stay with my SO after all this time...even though we're not officially engaged or married. If he dumps me, who's fault is it? I don't think anyone is to blame but me if that was to happen.
Same with your friend. If she's in such a hurry to get married...and this guy isn't ready yet, then why is she staying with him? Tell her to break up with him and find a guy who's looking for the same things she is (ie. marriage asap). No one is forcing her to stay with him. You don't know what conversations have taken place in private b/t this couple. Whatever was said...obviously he has make it clear to her that he's not ready for marriage. Instead of getting 3rd partied involved, the woman needs to now decide whether or not she wants to continue "waiting" for him. Getting 3rd parties involved in this matter is just going to aggravate him. She needs to behave like a mature adult and make a decision instead of acting like a high school girl who's asking her friends to talk to her BF.
exactly .. thats the point i raised as well .. ..
diwana's way of asking this thing was really really rude .. .. ..
Re: He is not going to marry you!
**But the girl bringing up the topic, when she knows her bf doesn't want to talk about it, was worse, wasn't it?
SO I think its the gf who's rude, not the OP.
**
Re: He is not going to marry you!
^ Yes.
Everyone has right to say whatever way they see the scenario, that is why I posed the question to begin with.
I don't think I was being rude at all. I was persuaded by the woman and know both of them very well.
No reason for him to wait if he likes the woman.
Both are independant and have voiced before that their parents/finances etc. have no bearing on their decision.
Re: He is not going to marry you!
the fact that she had to have a 3rd person invovled in asking a simple question like " yo will you marry me or not" says a whole lot bout the relationship .... i dont think communication is so awesome which is why she doesnt know what is goin on in the guy's head or vice versa.
Re: He is not going to marry you!
^ Yes.
Recently attended a wedding.
The woman is dating a man for about a year. They ate together, sat next to each other. We talked on different funny little topics.
She asked me to ask the man to propose her when I stood up for the dessert and she followed me to the counter.
When I came back to the table and after waiting for a while and discussing few topics I casually made a remark:
"So, when am I going to attend the ceremony of you two getting married?"
The girl was very happy by her looks and said to him:
"Did you hear what he said?"
The man just smiled and asked me how was I doing and that dessert was great. Basically dodged the question.
With all the sympathy for this girl I just could not tell her,
..............."Leave this guy. He will never marry you. He is a player.."
Was I wrong or right in my judgement?
If I wud b in ur place I wud hv told her upfront that he's not going to marry her when she asked me this simple service :)
Sauchnay ki baat hay if a woman needs some one else to ask this simple question frm her SO, there is nothing serious in their relationship to begin with
u seem new to the game na 
Re: He is not going to marry you!
^ for some people .. a year is really short .. ..
Re: He is not going to marry you!
^ And for some it is long enough duration.
If I wud b in ur place I wud hv told her upfront that he's not going to marry her when she asked me this simple service :) Sauchnay ki baat hay if a woman needs some one else to ask this simple question frm her SO, there is nothing serious in their relationship to begin with
Yes. You meant the communication also I think.
Well, I was asked something with desperation in her voice. Could not just tell her that upfront.
Re: He is not going to marry you!
Regardless you getting involved was a bad move.
And simply seema some guy are just (edited-language). I highly recommend those men are castrated with with a rusty spoon.
Re: He is not going to marry you!
…You could probably use better words…a ‘family’ version I suppose.
Re: He is not going to marry you!
I am a NC 17 kinda guy. :D
Re: He is not going to marry you!
So, may I ask what part of the world thses people are from? Since on so many posts I have read that culture, countries, and ethinicity play a part in how people treat each other.....I would really like to know.
And not because I would like to be involved in this partidular issue, since I could never figure out who these poele are any way! I jusat wonder from a purely psychological-worldly informational point of view.
Re: He is not going to marry you!
Many, many players stay for even longer than a year! THey stay until they are "found out"..........and for some this can be a long time.....dpending on how far into the sand...or the fantasies the womans head is!