he doesn't care

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: he doesn't care

can someone please tape his mouth?? :S

or like tie his hands up so he cant type

dude, i am not here to take MORALS 101 from you

please go AWAY

im bothered enough my life is effed my health is in decline i cant sleep i am MESSED UP

and youre here on top of that to throw stones at me :S

please
please GO AWAY

42

Re: he doesn't care

sara,

sadly, you will see, that where you expect heated debates in his family and relatives as to whom he can or cannt be marrying, that there will be plenty of aunts and uncles who even have not even seen you, nor met you, or have not known you beyond a snap the would ogle poison against you as either they may be wanting their daughters to marry him or they would just be jealous that he is planning on getting married to where he inclines to... and then, it will mess him up for the rest of his life, if he did not follow his heart and rationality and honorably proposed you now.

dont give up on him because he is frustrated by his families' antics.
but know that you can only do much as a truthful young woman who wants to be committed to one good man, if that he is and can prove.

best to you,
Dushwari

43

Re: he doesn't care

Dushi: I think women owe themselves a duty to get married at their prime marriageable age. If they spent too long in dating one guy or being choosy and then end up with nothing, it is a ladies fault as well. You can blame the guy but the lady herself should have made the right choices. It takes two to tango. You have to expect that guys will play with girls and keep them hanging on and when the push comes to shove they will walk away. Therefore girls should set a restrict time limit by when the guy has to say either yes or no. Otherwise they have only themselves to blame.

44

Re: he doesn't care

i agree with dushwari...he is probably scared of the dreaded family encounter..just support him..and find someone in his family who will help you.....win them over...that is your strength..

45

Re: he doesn't care

Dush
pray for me girl...
i want it to work out yaar :(
i was just waiting coz he asked for time
and the only reason i am pushing marriage is b/c not being married is destroying our relationship

Strategies to Qaboofy your husband
46

Re: he doesn't care

bitter realities are always harsh...take a single example fromm isllamic point of view of such things..i will change my tone..:)

islam dont put lock on love ..but the ways ..we people adopt ...its the consequence of all that ..then we suffer in our life !!!!!!

47

Re: he doesn't care

I know how hard it can be to let someone go..but ask yourself..if you marry him...can you live with this attitude of his afterwards? Every married couple goes through ups and downs...but can you deal with more downs than ups?
It sounds to me as if you love him way more than he loves you..I could be wrong but that's just the way you make it out to be...its very easy to be swayed by what the heart has to say but girl do yourself a favor and use your brain that Allah (swt) has given you
Be smart about this. Its your life.

48

Re: he doesn't care

Sabriya

what made your sister eventually see the light and leave her ex?
how did she do it?

49

Re: he doesn't care

It took a physical and mental toll on her. Sleepless nights, depression, no eating, crying and constantly fighting with him... and that all led to her breaking point where she decided enough was enough, she wasn't going to take his crap anymore... she felt that she did all she could do, and she wouldn't degrade herself any further by asking him to marry her. She felt that if he wanted to marry her truly from his heart, he would've asked her, rather than made her beg for it. It was hard for her to make that decision as they were together 8 or 9 years, but she did what was necessary, and Mashallah is much happier now, in a very beautiful marriage, and even gave birth about a week ago to a bouncing baby girl! :)

Life is full of hard decisions, and this is one of them for you, but im sure itll make you a much happier person. Do it for the sake of your sanity and well-being. I believe that there is a perfect person for everyone out there, you dont need to subject yourself to torture in order to gain someone's affections. Find someone who will love you enough to do anything for you, even if it means he has to go against his family. If you love someone so much, nothing can keep the two of you apart.

50

Re: he doesn't care

I think he's playing is harp, because in truth your allowing him too. That being said i hope it worx out for you two somewhere down the line.

51

Re: he doesn't care

Sabs

i am so happy for your sister :)

you know yaar, i feel like, even if i leave him, i will never be able to forget him, so it will always cast a shadow in my future marriage

you know my parents recently showed me a pic of a very cute guy who was very well off and all coz they wanted me to marry him. but i was like NO WAY ON EARTH dont even TALK to me about it. the guy was cute. richer than my current bf. no huge family either. my bf has a huge family with him he plans to live after our shadi.

but i just couldnt think of it yaar. i mean for me thats just Haraam

Sleepless nights, depression, no eating, crying and constantly fighting with him

im going through this.
:(

im waiting for my breaking point to come naturally yara...i know i cant force it...but if thats what happens naturally...then it will happen...lets see what Allah swt has in store...

52

Re: he doesn't care

Gosh I'd expect to hear this from a college student, but not from someone in her late twenties. Cmon girl man up and dump the loser! You're not bound to him by anything so cut your losses. IF he treats you like this now, how do you think he will be after you get married? It's a foolish desi concept that even the owrst of men will automatically "change" after he marries... im sure they do change but i bet you it takes alot of hard work, tears, and pain to endure... marriage wont' change him into the "fantasy" husband that you want him to be. I know it will be hard, but in the long run you will be much much much better off..

53

Re: he doesn't care

Don't wait for it to happen. Do it before you become a total mess. Believe me, if he loved you as much as you love him, he wouldnt stand to see you cry. You're feelings and emotions are not worthless, you deserve someone good in your life, who will care for you and love you unconditionally. I dont know whyy girls get blinded so much by love and let themselves be treated like crap, I can assure you if you put him through as much anguish he would've left you by now!

You have self-respect, and you do not need to bow down in front of him and buckle and stay even when he's not being respectful of you or your feelings!

54

Re: he doesn't care

arshad5,
if unexpectedly a man approaches you and proposes you after getting to know you, and seriously sounds, affirms that he is committed, then before the third meeting, you invite his family to your parents home, his mother and sister visits and then they don’t reply back and then he avoids speaking, lays the blame on the woman for being able to note that they will not let him marry her, and then merely writes an email saying he cant marry after he had proposed. whose actions are just and whose fault is it, then?
you cant say that a woman is going to steal the son of the family to get married. according to your prime age sexism concept or rule, good young women normally don’t just pick and bring men home as husbands.
please don’t get this tone wrong.
can you do that, absolutely marry even when someone you would marry if they were ready, are not ready, after all the respect you can give to them, they still doubt you or keep you or abandon you as a second to their whatever standards?
such a woman as in this description would have supported this person a lot and have happily taken care of his family, as well, nicely only if they had given her respect.
yes, it takes two to do anything long term and life constructive, nurturing a bond, it takes two clear hearted people- a woman and also a man.
what do you mean by push and shove?
how is it dif when prospect seekers come drooling in girl’s parents' home?
and huff and puff and compare and contrast, no matter how lousy their own sons are.
but when one proposes, should he not follow through?
you are absolutely right.
when the limit was set, it was taken to be a snare rather than a shield and a kind support.
he did not know what to do and he did what he did not want to do. and it is hurtful to know that now, tables are turning. and this woman is unable to be around as a lawful better half to support him, because he deserted her, she has not.
best,
Dushwari

55

Re: he doesn't care

Yes u may never forget him, but how do u knw it will cast a shadow on your future marriage, u don;t. YOu knw its easy 4 us to say all this, but the thing is we r lukin at your situation without all the emotion, and giving u a practical solution and advice. If he is teh way he is now then he'll b like this after u get married that is if u get married. U talked about how his parents have met e.t.c. e.t.c if they liked u they wud have takin things further as well, bt that hasnt happened
Plz PLz just take a step back and think abt this, no1 apart 4rm u is seriously suffering bcos of this, sleepless nights, depresiion, not eating is this signs of a happy relationship. U want to be in a relationship with a guy that makes u feel this this?? I'm sure ull find sum1 a million times better, gd luck

i even dunno how to make egg:(
i even dunno how to make egg:(
56

Re: he doesn't care

Sara, haan yaar im in my late twenties...
how do i dump him? you know it actually hurt when you called him a loser :(
though i know it shouldnt but it did
i think im the loser

Sabriya...im very close to being a total mess...
ive lost sooo much weight... i look like a skeleton
you know, recently, my impatience has gotten worse, our fights have increased
i think things are naturally leading to that point
and it will probably be him who will break it with me
i just want Allah to help me coz i cant help myself yaar...
i know this is so pathetic...if u knew me, im like supposed to be a really strong and accomplished person...i mean i have a good job, i get performance awards where i work, its a big company and everything
but somehow when it comes to this, im a total backbone-less person

57

Re: he doesn't care

I agree with everything written by Sabriya.

58

Re: he doesn't care

he's perfect apart from the fact that he has no sense of urgency about our marriage

59

Re: he doesn't care

That doesnt mean anything at all then, does it?

60

Re: he doesn't care

I empathise with the position of the woman. The guy should have been honour bound by his words and should not have backtracked from the proposal. However you cannot put all your eggs in one basket. You cannot put all your hopes in one person before marriage. True women cannot just grab a guy and marry, the guy has to propose but a lot of women do receive proposals which they reject and then later realise they should have accepted it. It may be a harsh way of looking at it...but I see women as a product with a limited shelf life, the longer that you stay on the shelf the harder it will be shift you.