Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
My question is, is it becoming more acceptable as time goes on?
Acceptable in the sense of morality or practicality/well-being of the child?
If morality is in question, to me, it is as acceptable or unacceptable as having sex outside of marriage. I wouldn't judge a person who has children outside of marriage to be any more or less than someone who has sex outside of marriage. If morals are in question, then a child is just a by-product, isn't it.
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
I think people are not as surprised and shocked if it happens, but they do not accept it. Especially not of a Muslim woman.
I don't know anyone who has had a child out of wedlock. But I did hear about one once in the larger community. People were so upset as her parents were the ideal parents, active in the community, thoughtful and considerate to her, religious without being overbearing, etc. It's like no matter what you do, there is no guarantee.
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
having baby outside of marriage.. i dont know...
.... but getting pregnent before getting married... yes it is very common and seems to be quite acceptable in our community these days..........
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
Whats more moral and favourable in god's eyes? A non married woman who gets pregnant and aborts the baby with no valid reason or a woman who decides to face the consequcnes and keep the child and raise him/her?
. I know plenty of girls who did zina and got pregnant and their parents encouraged them to murder the feotus to save face in the community. These same girls then marry their cousins from pakistan and no one bats an eyelid.
I know if one of my daughters god forbid got pregnant before marriage I would forbid her for commiting another crime by killing it.
I'm alarmed at the views of some members of this board
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
appalled? I am sorry why?
i dont think it is appalling at all and I’ll tell you why … first of all there is the debate on when a life is actually a life… so depending on when ya believe a life is a life you may not technically be “killing” anything… moreover i am someone’s daughter im of the opinion that even today my mother (the person who brought me into this world and raised me) has the right to kill me in front of thousands of people and no one should have the right to punish her for it.
thirdly let me put to u this question what is more morally wrong? is it more morally wrong to have premarital sex and then abort the child once you’re pregnant or is it more morally wrong to have premarital sex bring the child into this world have him suffer at the hands of judgmental people who either label him as “najayaz” and treat him differently or indirectly cause him pain by treating his mother differently and dont even get me started on how this kid will be treated when he will be of marriageable age …all because why? because you were on your high horse about killing a child versus what kind of painful life you will be providing that child if you proceed to bring him into this world.
Sorry but i disagree with you the views of “some of the members of this board” are by no means appalling…they are being realistic considering how our society reacts to certain things
the viewpoint that abortion is being used just to save face disregards the point that the mother very well could be aborting the child because she just does not want to give the child the kind of life he will have if she decides to bring him into this world out of wedlock
first ive heard of this…since when?
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
I know of a few Hindu and white (can't really use the word 'Christian') girls who have gotten pregnant by Muslim desi guys and kept the baby.. One even had a rushed nikah in the hospital with her on/off bf after the baby was delivered but not surprisingly none of the boy's family knew about it let alone turned up and a few months later they split up..
Am sure 99.9% of Muslim girls would have an abortion.. My SIL's mum is a social worker and said it's not unusual at all for her to have to deal with young Pakistani or Bangladeshi girls wanting contraception or help arranging an abortion after they've gotten pregnant..
There was a case a while bk here in the UK where a white girl who'd gotten pregnant by a Pakistani boy had gone to his family's doorstep and told his mum she'd had his baby.. Mum gave her all sort of verbal abuse, acused her of lying etc and later on the boy in his question and his best friend (who she'd also slept with) murdered her :(
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
holy wow
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
But with celebrities (for example, Begum Nawazish) it's different. I'm not saying that it's justified or that religion makes allowances for celebrities. But mainstream society has the view that celebrities tend to be more liberal, outlandish in their lifestyles.....and an "ordinary" person in the same situation would be met with greater censure.
Begum Nawazish? I thought he had divorced parents .. whats the story?
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
I know of a few Hindu and white (can't really use the word 'Christian') girls who have gotten pregnant by Muslim desi guys and kept the baby.. One even had a rushed nikah in the hospital with her on/off bf after the baby was delivered but not surprisingly none of the boy's family knew about it let alone turned up and a few months later they split up..
Am sure 99.9% of Muslim girls would have an abortion.. My SIL's mum is a social worker and said it's not unusual at all for her to have to deal with young Pakistani or Bangladeshi girls wanting contraception or help arranging an abortion after they've gotten pregnant..
There was a case a while bk here in the UK where a white girl who'd gotten pregnant by a Pakistani boy had gone to his family's doorstep and told his mum she'd had his baby.. Mum gave her all sort of verbal abuse, acused her of lying etc and later on the boy in his question and his best friend (who she'd also slept with) murdered her :(
For some reason you bring the most horrible stories of desis. (especially Pakistani or Bangladeshis)
Domestic abuse to psychologic diseases, unmarried pregnancies, and now............ murder.
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
The hypocrisy is unbelievable. A guy can have pre-marital sex. God forbid if a girl does the same. And if she gets pregnant, all hell breaks loose. There is this idealization that women should do no wrong - while the men can get away with....
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
indeed there is a hypocrisy,,, but i believe a lot of it has to do with the fact that women have a uterus and can therefore get preggers ...unfortunately it will remain this way until by some miracle a guy can become pregnant and then ill bet all hell will break lose for him too if he gets pregnant out of wedlock
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
Because this is a Pakistani forum, genius and that is the subject of this thread..
Obviously you’re an extreme nationlist so you would have a problem with anything that paints Pakistan or Pakistanis in a less than perfect light - to the point of paranoia (‘they’re trying to make us look bad/poor’, as shown in the thread below.. No normal rational Pakistani is bothered by a photo of a dark-skinned poor guy sitting by the roadside or whatever:
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/all-views/513595-ramadan-photos-from-around-the-world.html
You’re absolutely obsessed with ‘negative propaganda’ to the point where it starts to inferfere with the real truth and have noticed when you can’t refute other ppl’s points with logic you normally resort to calling them a troll which you can’t do here cos of my high post count.. Lucky me 
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
^ So what exactly is the punishment for a girl who gets pregnant? Having to go through life being shunned by society? And you are OK with that? A young person makes an error, and we throw the book at her? Where is the compassion, the humanity, the kindness?
A decent person will ensure the shunned girl has a friend. it is convenient and easy to be around folks who are popular. You wnat to make a difference - embrane those who have been shunned, as opposed to taking an active role in shunning that person.
All religions at the core preach tolerance. Those who preach intolerance have perverted religion and hide behind it to mask their intolerance. IIXXII, you are better than this. I am out.
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
indeed there is a hypocrisy,,, but i believe a lot of it has to do with the fact that women have a uterus and can therefore get preggers ...unfortunately it will remain this way until by some miracle a guy can become pregnant and then ill bet all hell will break lose for him too if he gets pregnant out of wedlock
Imo a lot of ppl would prob just say due to nature he was weak in the face of 'temptation'..
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
Southie, ur post wasn't directed at me, was it?
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
Southie, ur post wasn't directed at me, was it?
Deeba - no, I posted a bit after you. It was addressed to IIxxII {whose views I generally respect :) }
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
^ So what exactly is the punishment for a girl who gets pregnant? Having to go through life being shunned by society? And you are OK with that? A young person makes an error, and we throw the book at her? Where is the compassion, the humanity, the kindness?
A decent person will ensure the shunned girl has a friend. it is convenient and easy to be around folks who are popular. You wnat to make a difference - embrane those who have been shunned, as opposed to taking an active role in shunning that person.
All religions at the core preach tolerance. Those who preach intolerance have perverted religion and hide behind it to mask their intolerance. IIXXII, you are better than this. I am out.
wow did I say I wanted her to be shunned?did I say I was ok with it? if u want my personal view it has always been to be nonjudgmental because anything a person does or doesnt do is between him and god ...none of us are in any position to label someone for a mistake they made lest we are free of mistakes ourselves...talk about reading between the lines southie...chill maar... nowhere in my post did i use religion as an excuse...i just said guys dont have a uterus thats why they dont get the short end of the stick like we do ...as for what extent a decent person will go to to ensure who has friends and who doesnt...dunno where that came from...but i would like to say u have no idea who i am, how i think, whether or not i am empathetic, or what kind of friends i have ...so please dont go judging me on a post that u misunderstood.
all i was saying was why it happens ...jesus christ ....
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
and yeah ur ryte i am better than what u misunderstood my post to mean :p
Re: Having a baby outside of marriage?
Deeba - no, I posted a bit after you. It was addressed to IIxxII {whose views I generally respect :) }
lol thank u but even in that post u misunderstood me