My wife is expecting and found out yesterday that it is a girl. We already have a girl. The pregnancy was unexpected. I am happy that it is a girl but a part of me and my wife are also a bit disappointed because we wanted a boy. We are only planning to have two kids and now both will be girls.
My elder brother also has two girls and so it looks like it is the end of the line for our family name.
The problem is that my parents really want to have atleast one male grandkid and are really really hoping that this time it will be a boy.
They live with us and I know that when they hear it is a girl, they will act like someone died. Which will make me angry at them for spoiling this joyous event.
So how do I handle the parents?
With respect mate but that's a pathetic logic. Allah ke dain hai we have no control over the sex of a child. Thank the almighty for what you have as there are people in this world who are desperate for kids and they don't have any.
Before we start harping on him, i would like to say disappointment with a certain gender is pretty normal especially when you first find out. Say someone has 3 boys already and htey have a 4th one and they are disappointed because they really wanted a girl, would we go on about them too?
I dont think the original poster has a problem. He is asking for advice for his parents. Lets not gang up on him. Its different when you are in situation yourself versus others.
Baitey Allah kee Naimat (Gift) aur batiaan Allah ke rehmat (Blessing) hoteee heen
Its pity that you are kind of disappointed too.
As far as "khaaandaan ka naam" (family name is concerned), ask your parents to build a madarsa, school or some charity thingie for poors and their khaaandaan ka naam will live forever. Its not people who carry on family name, its the deeds.
Baitey Allah kee Naimat (Gift) aur batiaan Allah ke rehmat (Blessing) hoteee heen
Its pity that you are kind of disappointed too.
As far as "khaaandaan ka naam" (family name is concerned), ask your parents to build a madarsa, school or some charity thingie for poors and their khaaandaan ka naam will live forever. Its not people who carry on family name, its the deeds.
Jazzak Allah for all these words of wisdom. I pray that all this advice works out for this poor guy.
Talk to them privately first so your wife doesnt have to witness their reaction to the news and feel bad about it. Im sure she is going through enough already. Let them vent at you if they want to first and then firmly let them know you are happy and excited to be a daddy again. Ask them to show as much happiness as possible for the little princess because who knows? She may prove to be better than a beta! Im sure they're not bad people and will not only understand but make full efforts to be there for your wife.
You will have to take the lead and set the example and tone of the house so they can follow. :)
Good Luck and Congratulations on your baby girl!!!! :)
All the sons of the prophet (saw) died in childhood, only daughters got married to continue the generation. The non-muslims thought no one would be able to carry the name of the prophet (saw) but this was their false thinking. ONLY Allah (swt) makes such decisions, and to become unhappy with it is directly criticizing the "CHOICE" of Allah for us.
The prophet (saw) said, " I am a guest in the house of the people who have a newly born baby girl". <--THIS he didn't say about newly born boys. Also parents who get two or three of their daughters married would go directly to heaven. THIS again is not said about boys.
They should be happy that they can relate themselves with the Prophet (saw) in terms of having daughters. If they become unthankful, Allah would take away from them other blessings also, as mentioned in the Quran.
I think you should tell them right away so they have time to adjust to the news, get used it and maybe even start to look forward to it once they have accepted it. You dont want to risk a disappointed reaction or sadness when they are faced with the news of a baby girl in front of your wife. That will really hurt both of you.
One thing I've noticed, when there is disappointment over hte birth of a girl, that girl ends up being showered with more love and respect than anyone else.
I agree with other comments, you are the one who gona set the tone of the house. YOU have to take charge of the house and show to your parents that you are NOT disappointed at all.
You can simply share this hadith while telling them the good news:
Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,** “Anyone who has three daughters and provides for them, clothes them and shows mercy to them will definitely enter the Garden.” A man from the people said, “And two daughters, Messenger of Allah?” He said, “And two.”**
Abu Sa’id al-Khudri said that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “No one has three daughters or three sisters and is good to them but that he will enter the Garden.”
and as for family name, i would say would you rather have sons who can carry your family name and not remember you after you are gone from this world or would you have daughters who can be the reason for you to enter Jannat. I
Our good family friends had 4 daughters but they wanted to have a son too which can complete their family and also carry their family name. After loads of prayers and dawah, Allah blessed them with a son. Now that both parents are passed away their son doesnt bother to remember them on their death anniversary and also their children dont know anything about their grandparents. He once in a year goes to his parents' grave to do dua that is only when his sisters make him realize. Whereas the daughters (we know them very well) pay visits to parents' graves regularly and not only do duas for them but also all their children go their every friday after jumma namaz to read fateha on their grandparents' graves. They know so much about their grandparents and love to hear stories from their moms. Tell me who is actually carrying and remembering their parent's name daughter? or Son?
Don't worry about it SomeUser. If you parents get disappointed, don't react negatively but try to explain to them patiently how this is not in our control and only in Allah's. SHow your excitement and talk about how having daughters is considered such a blessing in Islam.
Even our nabi (sallalahu alaihi wasallam) did not have any sons that survived. Maybe that was Allah's way of teaching our people how these things don't matter at the end.
It's sad some people still think this way, but unfortunately, it's a reality.
Congratulations to you and may Allah bless you with a healthy child.
congratulations....girls bring "ronuk" into one's home. They are truly a blessing from Allah and should be cherished and treated as such.
Tell your parents that you are expecting a girl and that you are happy that your daughter will have a sister to grow up with...because all 'only girls' or girls that have sisters can tell u that every girl needs a sister...friends are just not the same.
Don't make a big deal about it...just tell them like it is. You may be surprised by their reaction. Besides wouldn't they rather have a healthy grand-daughter then an unhealthy grandson or a son that may cause the family heartache.
remind them that Allah knows all and He knows whats best for us.
Tell your parents that you are expecting a girl and that you are happy that your daughter will have a sister to grow up with...because all 'only girls' or girls that have sisters can tell u that every girl needs a sister...friends are just not the same.
So true , I have two boys and a girl , the other day she was asking me "daddy can you buy me baby girl." LOL
I asked her why ? She said I want to a little sister.
I agree with most posters here.....just want to add that having daughters in this day and age is no different to having boys. I personally know many households in my family where they have 4/6 girls and Mashallah they have everything in abundance, this is the rehmat Allah has blessed them with in the dunya. As for not having a son I can understand your situation as society/culture tends to pity households with no son.....people tend to look down and even mock the couple!
People don't have a go at him for being honest.....after all, he has a right to want a son. However, you should pray that Allah blesses you with a healthy/pious daughter Inshallah.....How sure are you that it will be a daughter? Ultrasound can be wrong.....
My wife is expecting and found out yesterday that it is a girl. We already have a girl. The pregnancy was unexpected. I am happy that it is a girl but a part of me and my wife are also a bit dissapointed because we wanted a boy. We are only planning to have two kids and now both will be girls.
Make sure your girl never finds that out at any point of her life.
^ true!
and be happy that you and your wife are healthy and able to have a *second *child, regardless of gender. i know friends who have been struggling for years to conceive and would do anything just to have even one baby!
as for your parents, they'll feel what they feel, you can't help that- but your role is to keep them from making your wife unhappy during her pregnancy, and making the baby feel unwanted once she arrives. ask them if they believe in God and if what he does is for the best for all of us, iA. and if their answer is yes, well then you don't need to say much more and neither do they.
Ira the dissapointing of finding out that ur havin a 4th boy and u already have three is different , here someuser is discussin issues such as that his name wont be carried on .
ppl always have a more stronger dissapointment when its a girl never when its a boy , its always ahh we wnted a girl bt yeh a boy is finee.
mizzrani surprisingly this name carrying issue isnt just specific to desi societies. I have seen whites do it too as well as otehr races. I just read a research study on this today and it bothered me ALOT. But i take solace in the fact that Someuser called it a "joyous occasion". that makes me feel that atleast the child's birth will be celebrated.
I dont think you got it. Even if the girls keep their fathers name after getting married, do you realize their kids will keep their fathers name, and so the family name ends right there after the girls?
Yaar who cares? I certainly wouldn't care after I am dead. I wouldn't care whether my name is carried forward or not. Even if it is, 2 or 3 generations down the road, would my SONS' CHILDREN remember me? I doubt it.
Tell your parents that you are expecting a girl and that you are happy that your daughter will have a sister to grow up with...because all 'only girls' or girls that have sisters can tell u that every girl needs a sister...friends are just not the same.
100% Correct.
I have a baby girl and I can't imagine my life any better if I had a boy. I have asked my wife to send me a picture of Maha EVERYDAY when I am at work, and she does. That's how much I miss her when I am away from her.