My wife is expecting and found out yesterday that it is a girl. We already have a girl. The pregnancy was unexpected. I am happy that it is a girl but a part of me and my wife are also a bit dissapointed because we wanted a boy. We are only planning to have two kids and now both will be girls.
My elder brother also has two girls and so it looks like it is the end of the line for our family name.
The problem is that my parents really want to have atleast one male grandkid and are really really hoping that this time it will be a boy.
They live with us and I know that when they hear it is a girl, they will act like someone died. Which will make me angry at them for spoiling this joyous event.
tell them to grow up and not spoil ure moment of happiness... your wife will be pushing the living daylights out of herself, delivering a child is not easy, and she deserves a smiling face and lots of duas wherever she looks, once she is done delivering.
dont let ure own dissappointment be apparent in front of your parents or it may give them a reason to act up even more. infact tell them that they have from now until the birth of the child to come to grips with reality, and that u dont want to hear a word bout it being a girl.... gotta be mature about this. insaan ko insaan hi rehna chahiye, khuda nahi :)
and whilst im at it, u grow up too. a child is a child, be it girl or boy. infact, girls dont have to change their names when they get married, its a very desi thing to do.. arabs dont.. they keep their fathers name.. so continue the family name by not having ure girls change their name once they get married :)
p.s) sorry if my post is harsh.. but im pregnant too these days, expecting my first.. and everything that im going thru with the physical exhaustion, night sickenss, cramps, headaches, and the whole irkh feeling ... then to go thru the pain of labour and actually bringing another life into this world... go thru all this.. and to have someone at the end go, array bhai, humay tho yeh nahi, kuch aur chahiye tha... honestly... i would slap the living daylights out of them. how dare anyone throw cold water on all my mehnat? farmaishi programe nahi hai yeh.. whatever god gives, take it with plenty of nafils of shukranay.. cuz god knows there are enuff couples out there that have been trying and trying for yrs .. and their laps remains empty ...
i know you may already know this, just giving u tips on what u can bring up for ure folks.
My wife is expecting and found out yesterday that it is a girl. We already have a girl. The pregnancy was unexpected. I am happy that it is a girl but a part of me and my wife are also a bit dissapointed because we wanted a boy. We are only planning to have two kids and now both will be girls.
My elder brother also has two girls and so it looks like it is the end of the line for our family name.
The problem is that my parents really want to have atleast one male grandkid and are really really hoping that this time it will be a boy.
They live with us and I know that when they hear it is a girl, they will act like someone died. Which will make me angry at them for spoiling this joyous event.
So how do I handle the parents?
OMG! thaz so sad but a true picture of desi mentality... :( i wanted to ask you though, why do u plan to have just 2 kids? u can try again u know if you guys are eager to have a baby boy? Inshallah... its not like its the end of the world u know? i understand ur feelings and ur parents as well but they have to be braod minded abt this and understand these things are in the hands of the Almighty. you can try but if its not in ur fate, nothin can change it.
ideally its nice to have a boy and a girl but if its not happenning, you cant go on and on tryin. i know a relative who had like 5 daughters and they still tried.. i think they stopped after 6th or 7th. the point is, sometimes ppl can do really crazy stuff for a boy ... they have to understand there is a limit to tryin and playin with Allah's will.
if i were grandparents even i wud want a pota but i dun understand one thing... why are parents always so concerned abt the baby boy when the ones who shud REALLY b concerned is the father cus the father will feel insecure that he has no son to support him etc... why are parents so crazy, i will never get it. so just try explaning to ur parents whatever i have said. i guess u have additional pressure cus ur other bro dusnt have a son either haina? that makes alot of sense to me.. do u have other brothers or just two of u??? where do u live?
Tell them it is in Allah's hands when to give parents the gift of a child, it is in Allah's hands to make that child a boy or a girl, it is in Allah's hands to give that child a healthy and happy life, we have no power over who we give birth to.
You should understand yourself that you are actually very fortunate to be in the position that you have a child on the way. For some people this doesn't happen, even if they plan for it.
At the end of the day, you cannot know that a boy would be good for you and your families future, rather than a girl. You cannot also know that neither you nor your brother will have any further children, as u said, this was unplanned, maybe you will have an unplanned son, or another daughter, you won't know this.
If it is in destiny for the male line to end here, it will, if Allah has planned for this male line to continue, it will. At the end of the day, any children that your daughters have will still have your family genes running thru them. You cannot also guarantee that if you had a son, that he would go on to have other children.
There are people without children in this world, who would be over the moon if they had either a boy or a girl. Take all your children as a blessing, and ask your parents to also recognise the blessings that you have.
I think that every child brings their own kismat and sometimes the ones we expect wosrt of turn out to be the best gift... my aunt had two girl and was expecting a third when the girl was born her inlaws yelled at her and she cried and was upset BUT now when u look at that girl she is the most loved by all of us.... when her family was upset about her my family took the time to love her like our own ... and she even gained the love of her father... with an amazing smile and affectionate adn caring personality... basically what I am trying to say is.. dont judge this child based on if its a girl or boy.. maybe on day she will grow up andm lighten your family name inshAllah.. as for the parents... just dont take their side... be their for your wife who may be feeling tired and stressed.. and help her... just pray that you have two healthy beautiful daughters InshAllah
and whilst im at it, u grow up too. a child is a child, be it girl or boy. infact, girls dont have to change their names when they get married, its a very desi thing to do.. arabs dont.. they keep their fathers name.. so continue the family name by not having ure girls change their name once they get married :)
p.s?
I dont think you got it. Even if the girls keep their fathers name after getting married, do you realize their kids will keep their fathers name, and so the family name ends right there after the girls?
and pls... dun tell ur parents now... wait till the baby is born otherwise they will make the last months livin hell for u and ur wife..... pls remember ure the father and if ure happy, ur parents wud HAVE to b happy and change their expression., dun show any disappointment ok
I think that every child brings their own kismat and sometimes the ones we expect wosrt of turn out to be the best gift... my aunt had two girl and was expecting a third when the girl was born her inlaws yelled at her and she cried
Do you have to tell your parents NOW? Tell them you are keeping the gender a surprise. And at the end, when the baby is here, when you are so happy with another girl, they shouldnt have a problem either. If they do, remind them gently, we cant pick and choose these things. Children are a huge blessing, alot of people cant have any.
I dont think you got it. Even if the girls keep their fathers name after getting married, do you realize their kids will keep their fathers name, and so the family name ends right there after the girls?
ya but u still get some more yrs out of it if the girl keeps her own fathers name after marriage rather than end it and change to her husbands once she gets married.
in denmark.. a child can take its mothers name, or its fathers name.. so cool.
well if his parents reaction is bothering him.. then i think he should tell now.. and in such a way that they can see how happy another girl is making him... something like mom, dad, can u believe it, god is blessing us with some more rehmat (or was it naimat?) ... im soo happy. girls are such a gift from god.. just look how much love and happiness our first one has given us.. and now we get to have 2... im so blessed yada yada yada... :D
ive seen grandparents not even come to see the baby once its born if its a girl and they had been hoping for a boy.. imagine that happening... the poor girl wil be trying to recover and go thru the torture of having her in laws hate her newborn.
Send your parents for hajj, that might make them grateful to Allah, and they start counting their blessings instead of bother others on things which are only in control of Allah(SWT)
[quote]
Tell them it is in Allah's hands when to give parents the gift of a child, it is in Allah's hands to make that child a boy or a girl, it is in Allah's hands to give that child a healthy and happy life, we have no power over who we give birth to.
You should understand yourself that you are actually very fortunate to be in the position that you have a child on the way. For some people this doesn't happen, even if they plan for it.
At the end of the day, you cannot know that a boy would be good for you and your families future, rather than a girl. You cannot also know that neither you nor your brother will have any further children, as u said, this was unplanned, maybe you will have an unplanned son, or another daughter, you won't know this.
If it is in destiny for the male line to end here, it will, if Allah has planned for this male line to continue, it will. At the end of the day, any children that your daughters have will still have your family genes running thru them. You cannot also guarantee that if you had a son, that he would go on to have other children.
There are people without children in this world, who would be over the moon if they had either a boy or a girl. Take all your children as a blessing, and ask your parents to also recognise the blessings that you have.
im sorry to say but this is ridiculous , i have no sympathy for u . u should be ashamed of even being disapointed that its a girl and not a boy. there is verse in the Quran and it goes like this that talks abt how logon ke moo soojh jate they when they saw a baby girl was born. sorry brother but a child is a blessing watever gender it may be .
my mum and dad had onli three daughters never once in their life have they ever said or wished that they could have sons . they always say my 3 daughters are better then sons .my grandma on the other hand cried when i was born cz she also wnted my dad to have son . and wht do u know now she lives in our house and we are the ones that have looked after her since she cme to UK
all im trying to say is male and female are both made by allah swt , u should be gartefull for children at all and please get rid of this idiotic mentality . i dont know why u want your name to be carried on that is so backwards , even if u have sons no one would care abt the surname sweetheart its 2008 nt 1888
