Re: Mehr. Serious question.
i dont really get why its given...anyone want to educate me
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
InshaAllah as am busy atthe moment ...i will try to write down all the things related to Mehr ..later on... but for now .. Mehr is compulsory to give but the new wife does not have to take it, there is a set amount ..but i ll confirm it how much it is ..Haq Mehr has more to do with Incase something happens between the husband and wife and they end up separating .. haq mehr is something which decides as to what should happen ..a simple separtaion or divorce ... nowa days ppl think that its more to do with basically the right to sleep with the wife - true but thas just a part of it ..
someone mentioned something that ppl write 1 lakh etc .. thas more to do with .. if in an unfortunate case the couple split .. then the husband or husbands side has to give to the wife to lead her life ... its a backup plan you could say ...
but for further more info .. i will try to get back on this one.
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
When a Muslim marriage is to be solemnised, the groom promises to pay the bride a certain sum which is specified in the marriage-contract, the nikah namah. This sum is called Mehr in Arabic. Mehr is a Qur’anic right. The Muslim holy text stipulates: ‘And give women their dower freely, and if they are good enough to remit any of it of their own free will, then enjoy it with a good conscience." (Surah An-Nisa 4:3)
Thus meaning, it has to be written in the marriage contract. And it has to be given without any sort of complaint if she wants it. But if she doesn't, that's up to her.
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
Mehr is really important.
One of the reasons why Mehr is given is in the event there is a divorce, wife has a back up plan and isnt left with nothing. There is a minimum amount but I am forgetting what it is and the calculation is at least 3 months' salary but this isnt verified either. However, the Mehr is decided and included in the Nikah contract and is usually given right away. Some people give it to the wife on the day of the Nikah and some wait until they're a little more stable.
The wife has the option of forgiving the Mehr and not asking for it, yes. However, she doesnt have to do it on the day of the Nikah, she can forgive it later also. In the event of a Khula, she does not get to take Mehr with her, forfeits it and walks out of the marriage.
Source: ****How to Calculate Mahr in Islam - Islam Question & Answer](How to Calculate Mahr in Islam - Islam Question & Answer)
*What is the minimum amount of mahr (Dowry) permitted by Shareea? I found in one book, the dowry of the most of the wives and daughters of Prophet (PBUH) was 480 Dirhams. What is the equivalent amount for the present time? *
Praise be to Allaah.
The minimum amount of mahr has been explained in the report in al-Saheeh (no. 1425) narrated from Sahl ibn Sa’d al-Saa’idi, who said: “A woman came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I have come to give myself (in marriage) to you.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) looked at her and looked her up and down, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) lowered his head and paused. When the woman saw that he had not made a decision about her, she sat down. A man from among the Sahaabah said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, if you are not interested in her, then marry her to me.’ He said, ‘Do you have anything?’ He said, ‘No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah.’ He said, ‘Go to your people and see if you can find anything.’ So the man went, then he came back and said, ‘No, by Allaah, I could not find anything.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Look and see (if you can find anything), even if it is only an iron ring which you can give.’ So he went, then came back, and said, ‘No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, not even an iron ring. But (I have) this izaar (garment) of mine, she can have half of it.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘What can she do with your izaar? If you are wearing it she will have nothing of it.’ The man sat down, then after a long time had passed, he got up (to leave). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw him leaving and called him. When he came, he said, ‘What do you know of the Qur’aan?’ He said, ‘Soorah Such-and-such and Soorah Such-and-such.’ He said, ‘Do you know them by heart?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then go, you are married to her by what you know of the Qur’aan.’”
This hadeeth shows that it is permissible for the mahr to be a little or a lot of whatever is considered to be wealth, if both partners agree, because an iron ring is extremely little. This is the madhhab of al-Shaafa’i and is also the view of the majority of scholars among the earlier and later generations. This was also the view of Rabee’ah, Abu’l-Zinaad, Ibn Abi Dhi’b, Yahyaa ibn Sa’eed, al-Layth ibn Sa’d, al-Thawri, al-Oozaa’i, Muslim ibn Khaalid, Ibn Abi Laylaa, Dawood, the fuqahaa’ of the scholars of hadeeth and Ibn Wahb among the companions of Maalik. It was also the view of all the scholars of the Hijaaz, Basrah, Kufa and Syria, and others, that whatever the couple agree upon is permissible (as a dowry), whether it is a lot or a little, such as a whip, a pair of shoes or an iron ring, etc.
With regard to the question about the mahr of the Mothers of the Believers:
Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (no. 1426) that Abu Salamah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan said: “I asked ‘Aa’ishah the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) what the mahr given by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was. She said: ‘The mahr that he gave to his wives was twelve ooqiyah and a nashsh.’ He said, Do you know what a nashsh is? He said, she said it is half of an ooqiyah. That was five hundred dirhams. This was the mahr given by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to his wives.”
The scholar Ibn Khaldoon said:
“The consensus of the scholars from the beginning of Islam and the time of the Sahaabah and the Taabi’een has been that the shar’i dirham is that of which ten coins weigh seven mithqaals of gold. The ooqiyah is forty dirhams of this type, and on this basis it is seven-tenths of a dinar… All of these amounts are agreed upon by scholarly consensus (ijmaa’).”
(Muqaddimah Ibn Khaldoon, p. 263)
Based on this, the weight of a dirham in grams is 2.975 grams.
So the mahr of the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was 500 x 2.975 = 1487.5 grams of silver.
The price of one gram of pure silver that has not been worked is approximately 1 riyal, so the mahr in riyals is approximately 1487.5 riyals.
In dollars it is approximately $396.7
And Allaah knows best.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
I got married 4 months back and the maulvi sahab who did our nikah said that according to today’s era the minimum haq meher should be atleast Pak Rupees 10,000/- which is equivalent to $125.
I think mehr should be discussed between the girl and the guy i.e. if they have that comfort level and frankness between them. I have too often seen elders come in with their egos and create unnecessary tension regarding mehr. It should be a reasonable amount, not too high, not too low and ideally should be paid upfront after marriage. However a girl can choose to forego it if she wants.
But in case of a divorce, the amount has to be paid to the wife. In case of a Khula, the wife loses the right to that money if it hasn't been paid. If it has been paid, she might have to return it if the husband asks for it. If he doesn't request it, then she is under no obligation to pay it back.
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
^yes, as far as I know, there is a minimum amount to be set for mehr, but not a maximum. If set, it should be given at the time of nikkah. Also mehr is just a gift given to the bride by the groom (its not necessarily a protection against divorce), and should be set between the bride and groom. Its when people view it as protection against divorce that they give formulas to it, e.g. 'it should be 4 months of his salary' because in this case, they know that iddat is a little over 4 months and the girl should have financial means during that time.
No matter what you decide, I think the main thing to remember is that its not appropriate to stipulate an extremely high amount for the mahr which the groom cannot pay. In my family, people name an amount thats really high just so that OTHER people will be like "woww, her mehr was 25 thousand dollars!" but they never see it in their lives. In other families its a really small amount that the boy pays right away. My fiance and I have decided on an amount thats higher than whats typically given in his family and lower than whats usually given in mine.
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
In my family we don't discuss that kind of things. During every Nikah of my familymembers all the brides receive RS 5.000....as Haq Mehr... that's it...
A few months ago my friend got divorce from her husband...She forced...ON her NIkah Nama was written that she'll get the upper floor of their house..BUt did she got it....NO!!!! He ruined her life...so she was glad to have him out of her life!!!
They even want to have all the jewellery back they gave to her!! So pathetic!!
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
^ same is followed in my family . whether a girl or boy got married the haq mehar was never discused and the girl usually forgave her mehar. In my inlaws the normal haq mehar given and taken was 6-7 time of what I was given. I wanted to forgive my mehar but my fiance (now husband) insisted on giving me mehar (which he gave me in full when i came home after rukhsati) but i knew he was in financial trouble so me and my family insisted on minimum islamic haq mehar.
many families (guy's side) let the girl's side fix a high amount of haq mehar and never give it to her. it's only verbal but it's wrong the haq mehar (maujal) shd be given immediately after nikkah and ghair maujal whenever the girl demands.
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
Mehr is compulsory. It should not related to divorce. It is related to marriage. The amount should give to the girl or her guardian. In most cases parents talk it. It is the amount to compensate them for the expenses they did to educate her etc.
It must be given as soon as possible or before death.
The wife can forgive it, but should be without any kind of pressure.
this is the first time i have heard of this cocept.
this is making me feel as if parents sell their daughters ??? compensation to educate her etc etc …how pathetic. how can any parent ask for money to compensate the expenses they incurred on their daugther. Just how pathetic …ewwww I am feeling soo disgusted after reading this , you are talking as if a girl is a commodity and the seller is charging whatever expense he has incurred on the girl.
it’s marraige we are talking abt not a business deal …lets say I spend Rs 1 million over the years on my daughter’s education she is dr now . now that you are getting married to a Dr you shd compensate the 1million Rs. What about the compensation of money spend on a son for his education ??? who will pay for that ??? i think u’ll say it’s going to be in the form of dowry.
parents have got nothing to with haq mehar it’s simply for the girl. if parents speak abt it they act as a spokesperson / agent / vakil of girl it’s still girl’s right we are talking abt and the money belongs to the girl and not to the parents.
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
^i agree. Mehr doesn't even go to the parents, so how can it be used to 'compensate' them?
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
HAQ MAHER,,,,CN B IN FORM OF GOLD AND PROPERTY TOOO
Fatimi haq mahar is 30,000 paki rupees these days....but it can b 500 too .....depending on the mentality of inlaws
Mehr is compulsory. It should not related to divorce. It is related to marriage. The amount should give to the girl or her guardian. In most cases parents talk it. It is the amount to compensate them for the expenses they did to educate her etc.
It must be given as soon as possible or before death.
The wife can forgive it, but should be without any kind of pressure.
I think you're confusing mehr and jehez.
The guy's side demands jehez to compensate them for the amount they spent on their son to educate him, raise him, fix him when he broke a bone, etc.
Mehr does not go to parents...it goes to the woman and her only.
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
Hahaha..Fix him when he broke a bone!!! hahaha
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
LOL @ psquared!!
Mehr is compulsory. It should not related to divorce. It is related to marriage. The amount should give to the girl or her guardian. In most cases parents talk it. It is the amount to compensate them for the expenses they did to educate her etc.
It must be given as soon as possible or before death.
The wife can forgive it, but should be without any kind of pressure.
It's only between a husband and wife to decide on the mehr amount. No parents, chacha, phoopi, aira ghaira should interfere. The couple needs to decide on a reasonable amount that the husband is able to pay without going into debt. From what I know, it is for a woman's security incase something happens to the husband, it is her mean of support to get by for atleast some time. That's why noone else, no parents or husband or anyone, has any right over that money.
What you're describing above is more of a cultural thing, it has nothing to do with Islam and what Mehr really is.
There are sooo many misconceptions related to the mahr in our communities!!!
1- The mahr is not set by the parents, its set by the bride and groom. Its the right of the bride, so she can ask for what she likes. Of course she can consult with her family if she wishes, but its not determined by them and they should not make her ask for more or less than what she wants. The husband should entertain her requests and can negociate with her (if like she asks for something way too high)
2- The mahr goes directly to the bride, not to her family!!! It is in no way to “compensate” her parents for what they spent on her 
. Its a GIFT from the groom to his bride. It is not a business deal negociated between the groom and the bride’s father
3- The mahr is not meant to be set high as a means to discourage the husband from divorcing his wife. Some people set really high mahrs because they think the man will never divorce his wife since he will never be able to pay it off!!
4- The mahr is not meant as an insurance policy for the bride in case of divorce. Its a gift. If it was meant as a insurance policy, or security blanket, then why would the Prophet pbuh marry a woman to a man for a mahr of what he memorized from the Quran
5- The mahr is the right of the woman to receive and her husband should do his best to pay it as soon as possible. The wife can ask for it at any time she wants. This is one reason why its not good to set ridiculously high amounts which the man can never pay, its just set on paper and then the wife never gets one cent. She was forgive it if she wants, but she should in no way be pressured to do so and should absolutely not feel ashamed in asking for her mahr, as its her right given to her by Allah SWT. The mahr can be paid in installments if the husband cannot pay it all at once
6- The mahr will always differ from individual to individual, as every man has different financial circumstances. But the mahr with the most blessing is that which is easy for the man to pay. The woman should be considerate of his circumstances and not ask for something so high that it puts a burden on him or makes him go into debt. Thats why they should talk about, so she gets an idea of what is reasonable for him. For one man $50,000 may be easy to pay and for another man $500 is difficult to pay. And of course it differs not only in social class, but all around the world as well, as what might be considered an average mahr in Pakistan would generally be like peanuts here
7- Husbands should take the mahr very seriously and do their best to give it as soon as possible. They should not think that it is not to be paid until divorce or the time of death. If he dies without paying it, he dies with it as a debt on him, and its a very seriously thing in Islam to die with a debt on you. And it is the first debt paid out of his estate before the inheritance is divided. So he should try his best to pay it as soon as he can
8- The mahr is for the wife to use and enjoy as she wishes. She can spend it all on herself, she can buy gifts for others, she can give it all away in charity, she can put it into savings, she can do whatever she can and is not obliged to spend it on anyone except how she decides for herself
Just wanted to add that less haq mehr means more barkat in your nikkah. (quoting our qazi there) Mehr amount shouldn't be set up thinking what if the woman gets divorced.
I don't get why people wanna start a daughter's new life with false hopes or speculations.
Its mutual understanding between the bride & the groom & whatever the husband can afford & is comfortable & happy giving with.
Re: Mehr. Serious question.
Thanks for clarifying everyone!!!
I was under the impression that what my fiance wants to give me is too little, because all the aunties I know were saying "it should be X amount of dollars."
Because my mother has never gone through this before she consulted with some aunties and they all stated that same X amount, so she got stuck on that amount and basically told me to ask for that.
My fiance said he would give me half the amount those aunties were stating so I thought maybe he was not giving enough.....but this thread makes me realize he is giving more than enough and those aunties just have way too high expectations (they are all rich or very well to do).