Re: Haq Meher
SGC lol! now you got me thinking....!!!! well i know i can count on you and i reckon amani06 too.... yes i think we'll dump the hubby's at home and use the money to go on a wild crazy trip to every capital city in europe!!! seriously though i think the big baho of his house actually took the haq maher, i don't think i'll be that mean!!!!!!!!! the vaima is going to bankrupt him anyway!
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Err how is keeping/taking the haq meher make someone mean? 
LJ you should keep it just to get back at them for wearing red 
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my fiancee will be paying it... i don't want to bankrupt him, that's why it would be mean to take £20,000 ($40000)... i will be using my right to refuse it, might do something like my mum and ask for 20 rupees....
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This is a general rant, but I dont get why wiht us desis its seen as being greedy or "bad" if a girl actually takes the haq meher. Islamically its perfectly within our rights to take it, so why is it so controversial? The guy is only supposed to give what he can easily afford at that time and the girl (or her family) should be fair in determining how much to ask. This is all provided that haq meher is given only once, at the time of nikaah... If a guy can afford 100 or 10,000 (Rs, ponds, dollars, etc) she shouldn't be guilted out of not taking it (by family or in-laws)...
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Yeah , you seem very conservative in all aspects of life, so this does not sound like you at all! How long ago did you get married?
I've changed a lot in 4 n half years man.......:)
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it's not bad to take it, by all means go for it!!! i personally don't want to take it because at the end of the day ALL his money is ours anyway, it's joint, so why would i just take the haq maher?!
Also i am a working lady, mashallah with a steady career, i don't actually need that money... for symbolic reasons and to fulfil the traditions i'll take the 20 pence... it's not a big deal either way and it certainly isn't controversial, do it or don't do it... whatever, just go with what you want to do and everyone else can go swivel if they have a problem.
if you get divorced it's a 50-50 split... so that maher will get split if it's in your savings account!!!!
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This is a general rant, but I dont get why wiht us desis its seen as being greedy or "bad" if a girl actually takes the haq meher. Islamically its perfectly within our rights to take it, so why is it so controversial? The guy is only supposed to give what he can easily afford at that time and the girl (or her family) should be fair in determining how much to ask. This is all provided that haq meher is given only once, at the time of nikaah... If a guy can afford 100 or 10,000 (Rs, ponds, dollars, etc) she shouldn't be guilted out of not taking it (by family or in-laws)...
sara i agree, its a religious right even to women, and by all means if they want to not take it then it should also be their right, but i hate it when girls feel pressured by their parents /families into giving up a right that was given to them. That being said i think when asking for a haq meher both the bride and the brides family need to take into consideration if the amount there asking for is reasonable. I've seen atleast two engagements break up becasue the families couldn't come to an agreement over the meher (without checking with the bride/groom) and thats pretty stupid.
For me my husband and i are still pretty young, and im still in school, and he just graduated so i had to take that into consideration when telling him an amount. Basically he was pretty adement that i take something, so we came up with an agreement that was best for us.
I have mine still in the bank, im thinking of either using it to buy some gold so i don't waste it or my friend suggested that i use it as a down payment for our house and have the house under my name, which my husband is okay with so im not sure yet, haven't decided. Any Suggestions ?
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hahaha, thats one way of looking at it LJ! :P a very practical way, i might add.
but its true though- i think since your hub is forking it out, unless you wanna take it from him and keep it in a savings account for the two of you to rely on/enjoy later on in life, let him have it since you're sharing everything after marriage anyway. i think we're setting mine at $20 cos i want it to be symbolic and cos i know his financial situation! he's got a fairly new business of his own and every spare penny that we have goes into making it work. its more important for our future that he keep it!
i do think its sad tho if other girls get guilted out of taking it.. you're so right, sara, its a right under islamic law.. but then, does that really mean anything these days? its not like people follow it, let alone study it to know what it is.
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Haq mehar doesnt have to be a huge amount if you dont feel like it should be. Mine wasnt that large and i chose the amount myself. And i decided not to forgive it yet because i just dont want to. I am also well educated and worked until recently. So its not like i NEED the money. I just wanted to exercise a right taht Allah has given me. There are other ways to utilize it. I personally would like to use most of it for charity if not all, since its a small amount anyways. But thats my own personal opinion.
In the end it really depends on the couple how they come about this.
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precisely:
take it or don't take it
forgive it or don't forgive it
£2 or£2000000000
save it blow it
need it don't need it
whatever!!! do what ever you want to do....my mil wants to give me what she gave her other dil, but i don't want it, i've exercised my right... all you girls excercise whatever you want!!!!!!
on my maternal side we just do symbolic low amounts, my in-laws are used to the big bucks! so it varies...
now lets get started on jaheez and barees............
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Maybe sara can open a new thread on these topics :rotato:
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Haq meher is our right that Allah has granted to us. There is absolutely nothing wrong with demanding as much as you can...and I mean demanding, as long as it doesn't bankrupt that man. If the otehr party is pretending to be a rich arse family, then based on that showing off, they should write the haq meher as such. It doesn't have anything to do with whether you are working or not, whether you spend that money in 10 year or 10 days. There should be no hesitation on recieving it. it's rightfully the money of the girl.
as for the nikkahnama stuff it is basically a contract. and just like any other contract, you basically say it outright what the two parties, in this case husband and wife, agree too. divorce, haq meher, rights in the marriage, the husband marrying another women, etc etc, all can be said in the nikkahnama, and you have to obey what it says on the contract otherwise it's not a contract. i say all girls should X the box where it says that the girl has the right to divorce the man, and if the other party chooses to leave it blank, then what kind of marriage is that?
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dude, i was joking about the jaheez and baree comment!
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i also love the way we pick and choose what suits us!!!
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Khumar, i thought about asking for the right to divorce, but as much i know my husband's personality, i didnt think i needed that (InshaAllah i wont!).
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ira; i wasn't even refering to Khumar
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lubly, i believe Khumar is talking in general. Not everyone points fingers at each other here :)
Khumar, i thought about asking for the right to divorce, but as much i know my husband's personality, i didnt think i needed that (InshaAllah i wont!).
lol God forbid such a day comes when you have to practice that right. I'm just saying in general, that since it's a right given to us, we should say yes to that right. It's just that when my cousin got married, and my mamoon etc were looking at the nikkah nama...the guy's family had kept the right of divorce box empty for her...and that just bugged the heck out of me. i mean this is like the day before the mehndi...when the nikkah was supposed to happen...and no one said anything...you know...cuz yeh na ho keh larkay walay koi phadda shuro kar dain. (we were already having problems with the sasu maan demanding a big gathering for the nikkah). i don't know...it just didn't sit right with me you know.
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On btw, referring to what Khumar is saying, i have noticed most maulvis will automatically assume you dont want to the right to khula'a. And they will cross it off. I wonder how long it will take to change this mentality.
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Is it just me, or is anyone else surprised that not one person here has mentioned investing it; not just in a savings account, I mean as part of an investment portfolio. Are desi girls just not encouraged to be savvy about investing in stocks and bonds? Sounds to me like some of you got quite a substantial amount; didn't you guys considering putting some away towards buying some stocks? If you've got a few grand to invest... it really is a good idea and worth looking into.