You know, in all this discussion on what a Haq Mehar should be, when to give it and all, one point I didn't see anyone mention is that its all good and dandy if you go though the Islamic structure of marriage. Where the concept being that in case of a divorce initiated by the guy the girl is entitled to keep the Haq Mahr. In case she initiates divorce on grounds other than domestic violence or infidelity she has to give it back.
Now such structure and statue is hard to maintain living in most western countries though its possible. Most women would gladly take the matter to civil courts, who in almost all instances give women a lot more than Haq Mehar, which defeats the purpose all together. As far as I know, you can't challenge your ex-husband to give you the haq mehar in a civil court, though you can probably get away with more than half of his junk any day.
So while discussing/setting/demanding haq mehar bear in mind which way you want to go forward.
I'd suggest you take whatever your hubby offers you as I believe haq mehr is a wedding gift. I don't believe it should be given much thought. Same with jahaiz. Take whatever your parents can afford or want to give.
Well if I recieve cash from hubby as my haq mehr I'll deposit it in my savings account and will use it to buy something useful for both of us later in the future. :)
Im contemplating now....I had no idea about any details of the Haqq Mehr at the time of my Nikkah. My parents sold me short :( They insisted on a low value for Haq Mehr, and I agreed cuz I was misled to think its a good thing and should be done. But reading all the responses here, we should have demaned a decent amount at least. :(
^^ 32.50 is the Haq Mehr that Prophet :saw: set for Fatmia’s wedding
but its not set amount and mostly depends on how much groom can afford.
Its funny and disgusting how when it comes to HAQ MEHR, most ppl say lets set it to 32.50 as Prophet :saw: did the same but when it comes to JAHAIZ, no one wants to follow what Prophet :saw: gave to Fatmia (i.e. charpiee (call it day bed) , few cloths and few pots) and always want a truck load.
I personally don't even think of haq mehr as something that a woman actually receives in her lifetime. It's just a figure put down on paper as a tradition. I don't expect to receive mine in any formal sense, like "This is your Haq Mehr".
I am afraid your “thinking” doesn’t matter much in this case. Its not OPTIONAL. Husband HAS TO pay (MOAJJAL part of ) it to wife even before he can go to her after wedding. He is BOUNDED by ISLAM. So if you don’t want a large amount, just decide $1 as MEHR and get it.
Now I really don’t know what are the consequences and what does Islam say about the consequences. You have to check with Aalim
who came up with the two times annual salary “rule of thumb”? and how did they come up with it? I thought that as per muslim personal law, an ex-husband is only supposed to provide for his ex-wife for 3 months (the Iddah period), so why not set the Haq-e-mehar to that amount as a “rule of thumb” as well
asking for a huge amount from the groom could be just for show, which would defeat the purpose…or there would be some serious trust issues i’d think, if a huge amount is demanded…
bearing in mind that the relationship is going to be based on trust, and also what the purpose of the mehar is supposed to be, the haq-e-mehar should be set according to what the bride and groom are comfortable with…that SHOULD be the rule of thumb…
We decided to do it a little different. The new house is in my name and ownership, and he's paying for it. If divorce occurs, the agreement is that he'll keep making mortgage payments on the house, and I'll have a place to live.
The idea was up in the air for a cash amount or first few years of salary, etc, but I liked the house idea.
I’m sorry, I’m jumping ahead of myself and speaking as if we’re already married. I guess I’m at that point psychologically. Its in the works right now, gemini.
can someone please tell me.. is it really the bride’s right to ask for it and to set the amount? Becasue that is what I have known for a long time, but my own mother keeps saying no. I haven’t set any amount yet, i haven’t decided but the fact that i’m even thinking of asking, is causing so much tension wiht me and my family. She says if she was my susraal she’d leave me right then adn there for even having the nerve to ask for it. Everything she keeps saying, what keeps running through my mind is it is my right. Nobody else’s. Why can’t she understand that? Why do people think a girl is being greedy? What do i do
I know it’s the brides right to ask for it from her husband. As for the rest, from what I’ve heard, it is to be agreed upon by both parties. Check this with someone knowledgeable in the field, but the girl’s permission/consent must be taken before she can be married to someone. Though I don’t know how it works on the girl’s side, I’m guessing that one of the things mentioned to her at the time of asking for her permission would be the amount of mehr. Anyone know about this?
When they are asking the groom if he accepts the girl as his bride, one of the things that he is also asked is if he takes her as his wife in lieu of the amount of mehr mentioned. If he accepts, he also accepts that he must pay/give her the mehr whenever she asks for it. The wife has the right to ask for that amount and the husband has no right to withhold it.
wedding
I know of quite a few weddings where real estate was given as haq mehr, great arrangement :k:
