Re: Haq Mehar
When hubs' family asked about haq mehr, my parents told them there were no demands from our side and whatever they wanted to give me was fine with them. I also didn't have any demands; whatever hubs decided to give me, was fine with me. I also deferred receiving the haq mehr at the time of nikkah. It will be given to me when I request it.
Re: Haq Mehar
In our family, the haq mehr is usually set on the low side. For most of the girls in my family, it was $1000. In our parents generation, it was 32 rupees. I think people forget the true spirit of the haq mehr. It's a wedding gift from the groom to his new wife. It's not a bride price and it's not alimony. You can defer receiving the mehr, but if the guy hasn't paid it, he can't simply sweep it under the rug in the event of divorce. That's when it becomes overdue.
I, for one, am against the idea of extravagant haq mehrs (someone I know had a haq mehr for $100,000), simply because it looks like you're buying a bride and not giving a sincere, loving gift to your spouse, which is what it is supposed to be. In Arab countries, there is a big trend of men not marrying Arab women simply because the mehr they demand is too high. So now, there is a bit of a social crisis in places like Kuwait. Men marry women in misyar marriages (kind of like muta marriage, where basically they legally "hit it and quit it"), and women accept it due to desperation and the fact that they've gotten old waiting for Prince Charming with the $100,000 check in his hands.
Anyways, any amount of mehr isn't going to provide that much social security for the bride in case of a divorce. And for those of us in the west, we have plenty of legal options if a divorce happens. No need to mar a wedding gift and consider it alimony.
Re: Haq Mehar
wondering how everyone praising haq maher should be sky high!
I think no figure would save the marriage if it has to come to a sad end.
Me and my family didnt demand or received any dowry etc from my wife or her parents. we had very nominal amount when my sister got married.
yet we got received call a night before for demand of maher of 500K, i wouldnt mind this if it was discussed and agreed well before. for me it was more like a black mail when cards and invitations were out. and for me it was anti trust move from the start. these realtionships are based on trust and love not rely on financial pressure of any kind.
still i am not able to pay to my wife this amount and feel burden on my head.
Re: Haq Mehar
^ that's very unromantrick :(
Re: Haq Mehar
I dont think there is any romance attached to it or it was from my wife. She is not mature enough to see this as bad impacting thing, it was her mum and sisters i guess who are responsible for this heartsore.
Re: Haq Mehar
ok but i've heard htat sometimes that huge amount is never really meant to be paid, its just formality, to show, to write down..
but what htey did was wrong, if the situation is xactly how u described it, it screams of greed and yes, blackmail..there was nothing you or your family said to them? Didnt anyone bring up these issues way before everything was "set"?
Re: Haq Mehar
^^ no it wasnt discussed or paid attention to before. if i had to leave, i would have done even the Maher was double or tripple the amount, this will not deter me to take decision. but i think some people reply on sham un real things instead of stronger trust in Allah and inter personal relationship. it might be some elements on her side who intentially didnt want this wedding to go ahead and were trying to provide a bone of contention. but i think they were failed.
anyway me and my family only beleive in one wedlock in life and god forbid dont beleive in breaking such relationships.
Re: Haq Mehar
^^ thats not what you give when you get divorced! so surely want to keep it for future use :)
Re: Haq Mehar
My parent's haq mehr was equivelent to 10k us dollars at the time...with interst etc...today 50-100k and they were couisens!
Mine was 500 plus clothes/jewelery. My FIL asked my dad...my dad asked me. From my understanding it's a gift to be given to the bride....not a gurantee for money with a divorce etc...and it should be sufficient for the groom to pay. 500 at the time seemed good to me...anything more was too much...
