Haq Mehar

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Haq Mehar

amana: I hope that display of Jahaiz was in illiterate family. I doubt that educated families do that...do they?
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The bride had a master's and the groom was also well educated. I think it's mostly cutural. I heard that this happens more in Punjabi families than in Sindhi families but couldn't say for certain.

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Re: Haq Mehar

in MY times, it was "BATEES RUPAYAA SIKAA RAIJUL WAQT" and UF thinks it was unfair. :o

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Re: Haq Mehar

thanks for clarifying.

the one that u pay right away is the one where the girl can spend it however she likes? and the latter is to provide for her after divorce until she gets back on her own 2 feet?(if she isnt working)

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Re: Haq Mehar

Its more about their family’s education than theirs. Even if bride and groom are educated sometime they have to submit themselves in front of their families.

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Re: Haq Mehar

No. You are mixing NAAN-NATQA (everyday expenses) with MEHR.

See Mehr is totally the property of Wife no matter which type it is (Moojjal or Ghair-Moojjal). Its her money. She has right to recieve it and spend it whichever way she wants to.

NAAN-NATQA is something that hubby has to provide after divorce if wife can not earn money and raise the kids.

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Re: Haq Mehar

Thanks guys, i am learning all this stuff about moajjal/non- and nan-natqa etc that i didnt even know about.

47

Re: Haq Mehar

its Naan NaFqah

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Re: Haq Mehar

^^ Thanks for correcting me it indeed is Naan nafqah

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Re: Haq Mehar

What if it’s the girls’ own parents who are pressuring her to let the haq meher go? :bummer: And if the girl doesnt let it go, she’s being greedy or kanjoos or something?

I find the whole dispalying wealth thing really pathetic. I have cousins who have been collecting clothing and stuff :hehe: and even my mother, whos as traditional as she come but sometimes manages to surprise me :smiley: says that its really stupid to be collecting these things for such a long time coz fashions n styles change.

I’ve seen when the girl brings so much stuff that it will not even fit in her new family’s home, now that’s ridiculous! And I’ve seen when hte girls inlaws insult the clothing her parents bought for them.

50

Re: Haq Mehar

Sara516, this is between your husband and you, not your parents and his. You should perhaps talk to him directly about this. I know most women can easily let it go but if Islam has given me a right, then why should I?

51

Re: Haq Mehar

My understanding is that the amount is something that they agree upon (the girl’s father at least anyway). There is no greed or miserliness in demanding it, as it is it something that was agreed upon beforehand. If the man wasn’t able to give it, he shouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place.

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Re: Haq Mehar

That sounds about right. It should be something which he can afford. And at no time should the to be husband be hoping for the wife to forgive the mehr.

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Re: Haq Mehar

And what if HER parents are insisting NO to any haq meher or that they want a really tiny amount? That’s not really fair :naraz:

Also, the whole giving ti to her at time of nikkah.. is it really necessary to do it in front of everyone? it can’t be done later or discreetly or something?

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Re: Haq Mehar

Hmm i dont think from a religious point of view, parents can do that. If i was the girl, i would have another serious talk with the parents. If that doesnt work, then talk to him directly.

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Re: Haq Mehar

Are they trying to agree on a small amount to start with, or are they trying to get her to forgive the mehr after it has been agreed upon by both sides? If they are just trying to have her forgive it after it’s agreed upon, then she ask her husband for it in private when her family is not there.

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Re: Haq Mehar

ok gotcha...sheesh i didnt know there was so much more to it.
thanks

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Re: Haq Mehar

sara..that is YOUR decision ot your parents. Mehr is a right that has been given to u and it is your right to accept it or not.

I do see why your parents are refusing it and/or wanting a small amount. It’s about izaath…my parents did the same thing for my sisters…they didnt want to seem greedy. Perhaps your parents are unsure how much he can afford so they are more leaning on the side of caution..if they dont…and they ask for too much (unintentionally)…it might cause problems.

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Re: Haq Mehar

can someone please clarify this...i thought that it is upto the wife if she wants that mehr money or not....

if she once decides to have it ,she can whenever she wants during the marriage or if in case they get divorced....
and if she decides not to have it ,or say gives up this right of hers,then she does not get it either during the marriage or if in case they get divorced....

is it like this....??

my mehr was 5000 rupees...which is about less tahn $85.....(now)
my FIL insisted that this is what they do in their family....and my grandfather told my father that its was ok....and that he should not argue or object it....
now when i go thru this thread i wonder if it was right..??
i mean,who is to decide this amount....the grooms's ide or the brides' side or is there some fixed method of calculation...?

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Re: Haq Mehar

the bride/bride's family side sets the amount.....but of course it should be mutually agreed upon i would think that this would prevent any hard feelings afterwards.

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Re: Haq Mehar

^^...thanks ..angel eyes...!!

this is what i thought.....but i guess in my case my FIL was the one to decide....!