Haq Mehar

[decent_Felow]

Re: Haq Mehar

lol

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Haq Mehar

@ahmadjee

Down payment towards a house is an economically sound investment. Make sure your name is on the title.

exactly what im gonna do for my kids inshAllah :)

just sounds so much more practical then giving jahez ...expecially that tacky gold jewelry that just sits at home collecting dust.

[Shehzada]

Re: Haq Mehar

Good thread, I have heard about the 2 yr salary formula, not sure if it applies to all cases or not, especially if the salary is either too low or too high, I have seen in nikah's there is an amount which is "set" as haq mahar out of which a smaller amount is paid upfront on the day of nikkah and rest to be paid "later", what exactly is meant by that. Also its suppose to be money for the bride only, can it be kept in a joint account after marriage or no, what if the wife wants to spend on something else after getting married, is anything stopping her from doing it.

So what are the best practice these days, especially in the contexts of usa/canada weddings.

What about the typical desi social attitudes and implications regarding mahar, too low and you put a low value on the bride etc etc, too high and you are a show-off, how do you deal with all that non-sense that usually accompanies a desi muslim wedding.

So bottom line what is the norm these days.

[Ira]

Re: Haq Mehar

AJ, you have a very sound idea, i am amazed! :D

If i were to ask for a smaller, reasonable amount, then it probably wouldnt make that much of a difference to use it towards a house or a car payment. Then what do you do? Hmmm that reminds me to ask my mom as to what she did with her 32 rupees and 8 anay or however much it was for her.

[Ira]

Re: Haq Mehar

Lol, i am not sure what the norm is these days. Thats why i started the thread. I know in my family, no one has ever asked for a huge amount that cannot be paid. I believe from a religious point of view, haq mehar should be paid at the time of the nikah and its the wife's choice as to how she wants to use it.

Unless you had halloween scary inlaws who want you to either forgive it or ask for a small amount on purpose.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Haq Mehar

@Ira

Lol, i am not sure what the norm is these days. Thats why i started the thread. I know in my family, no one has ever asked for a huge amount that cannot be paid. I believe from a religious point of view, haq mehar should be paid at the time of the nikah and its the wife’s choice as to how she wants to use it.

Unless you had halloween scary inlaws who want you to either forgive it or ask for a small amount on purpose.

my parents did the same for my sisters…they asked for a very small amount…somewhere along the lines of $200

oh and that was ONLY because the in-laws insisted to pay more then $50..which is what they originally asked for.

[amana]

Re: Haq Mehar

@AnGeL EyEs

this is not mehr...this is called "jahez" which has nothing to do with Islam..it's cultural...dont get the 2 confused.

Yes I know, I was pointing out the discrepency between the two - the mahr was supposed to be forgiven, but the bride's family was supposed to fork out.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Haq Mehar

@amana

Yes I know, I was pointing out the discrepency between the two - the mahr was supposed to be forgiven, but the bride's family was supposed to fork out.

oh ic....i misunderstood

[amana]

Re: Haq Mehar

@Ira

Amana, was that family trying to buy the groom with all that excessive jahaiz?

I think so - but I've seen some similar displays of excess in my husband's family. His mom said that the girls family has to show their wealth otherwise her in-laws will feel 'too free' with the girl.

[amana]

Re: Haq Mehar

@ahmadjee

Down payment towards a house is an economically sound investment. Make sure your name is on the title.

This is a really good idea. I would even go so far as to put only my husbands or mine, and my daughter's names on the title.

[Ira]

Re: Haq Mehar

Amana, sadly, i have seen similiar behaviour in mostly the side of the family based in Pakistan (just my observings). I think it is changing with our generation, atleast with overseas Pakistanis. I refuse to take any jahaiz but my parents, esp my mother i know would insist on it. Atleast it wont be as excessive as hers was, when she barely ever got to use everything since she moved abroad with my dad after the wedding and the inlaws were using it during her absence. I think jahaiz should be meant for the new couple's use.

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Haq Mehar

^^ Ira, Same was the case with me. I asked my sasoo ma not to give any Jahaiz. She insisted. I even asked my mom to go and ask her not to. My mom went to her home, miaree MOL tu maan gaeen but my wife’s NANI tus-sai-mus na hoien and she ended up sending the truck load @ my parents home 4 days before wedding.

amana: I hope that display of Jahaiz was in illiterate family. I doubt that educated families do that…do they?

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Haq Mehar

@amana

I think so - but I've seen some similar displays of excess in my husband's family. His mom said that the girls family has to show their wealth otherwise her in-laws will feel 'too free' with the girl.

unfortunately in desi culture this IS the case....giving a HUGE jahez buys the girl respect from her in-laws.

however times have changed and i think our generation and the generations to follow will change that..for the better inshAllah...i see that happening nowadays.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Haq Mehar

@Decent 6Chora

amana: I hope that display of Jahaiz was in illiterate family. I doubt that educated families do that...do they?

they do....doesnt matter how educated you are.....the culture and traditions remain.

[mAd_ScIeNtIsT]

Re: Haq Mehar

@Gemini the Great

qabool hai.. jo bhi dey do chale ga.. no demands

waise, did I tell you about the grl whose haq mehr was $40,000?? I bet her husband would think twice or thrice before telling her not to go shopping

My 2nd cousin’s haq mehar was $40,000 - but it’s all only to be paid as lump sum in case of divorce.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Haq Mehar

@Ira

Amana, sadly, i have seen similiar behaviour in mostly the side of the family based in Pakistan (just my observings). I think it is changing with our generation, atleast with overseas Pakistanis. I refuse to take any jahaiz but my parents, esp my mother i know would insist on it. Atleast it wont be as excessive as hers was, when she barely ever got to use everything since she moved abroad with my dad after the wedding and the inlaws were using it during her absence. I think jahaiz should be meant for the new couple's use.

that downpayment on a new home sounds good right about now :D

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Haq Mehar

@mAd_ScIeNtIsT

My 2nd cousin's haq mehar was $40,000 - but it's all only to be paid as lump sum in case of divorce.

mehr is suppose to be given to the bride at the time of nikkah or before their first night together.

[ahmadjee]

Re: Haq Mehar

Yeah the bed covers from the 80s that we got are sooo worth it! My mother-in-law brought them from Pakistan that she started collecting probably when my wife was born.

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Haq Mehar

@AnGeL EyEs

mehr is suppose to be given to the bride at the time of nikkah or before their first night together.

Thats not right

There are 2 types of Mehr.

1- MOOJJAL (that you have to pay right away)
2- GHAIR-MOOJJAL (that you can pay later on whenever you are able to or on divorce)

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Haq Mehar

@ahmadjee

Yeah the bed covers from the 80s that we got are sooo worth it! My mother-in-law brought them from Pakistan that she started collecting probably when my wife was born.

lol omg…thats so true…why do mom’s do that! everything gets so outdated!