Basically these days haq mehar has become a security issue for the girl side. When you're getting married its hard to find out everything about a person therefore, the parents decide that the haq mehar should be more. and i can really understand a girls parents point of view and do not have a problem with it as long as they are not getting married just for the Haq mehar.
Although i have seen a similar situation to what Shikra was talking about in his post.... A guy we know got married in pakistan went there had a fabulous wedding wife was very pretty although the haq mehar the girls parents wrote was 1 lakh ruppees and all of the jewelry she had. which was just fine with the grooms family, although what they didn't know was the girl was only marrying him for the haq mehar and the jewelry not even a month into their marriage she is demanding a divorce!! such a sad situation.
^that is a sad situation. people like that ruin it for many of the decent people out there who are actually worried about their daughters security. and what is the point of asking for money and jewelry, eventually it will run out and then what will you do. you will already have a bad reputation from the previous marriage so no one will marry you again.
hmm… i remember reading a hadith somewhere that a woman came to The Prophet (saw) and asked to be divorced from her husband. she was told that if she agreed to return the gift she was given by her husband when they were married (huq mehar) then it would be permissible.
From that i’d assumed that, as ppl have already mentioned asking for a large sum of money as protection against divorce from the groom, it was also protection against the woman asking for divorce as she’d have to return the huq mehar. but i’m not completely certain on this, tho i do know that if the marraige isnt consummated before divorce then she definitely has to return the huq mehar.
^ who on earth gets married for the mehr?? There are two typesof mehr the one you give b4 marriage and the one you give if you get a divorce. However, if the woman askes for the divorce she does not get her divorce mehr. She still keeps her first mehr. Read the Quran people
^ You have no idea what goes on in Pakistan. Girls don't just ask nicely for a divorce. Ofcourse that way they won't get the divorce mehr. They do stuff that forces the husband to divorce. Once he divorces, he has to give that other type of mehar (divorce mehr) to the bride because technically she didn't "ask" for the divorce, it's the husband who's divorcing her, because she has made his life miserable.
^ That doesn't really make a lot of sense because it is so difficult for a divorced woman to remarry. Why would a girl divorce for several thousand dollars if she's killing her chances of remarrying?
wow I didnt know that. Because we most Arabs or should I just mention Yemenis, when the girl wants a divorc and the husband wont give it to her, she just goes to the Imam and he “ifsaghs” for her. Meaning the husband does not have to do it if thats what she really wants. Because in most causes the guy wont give her a divorce b/c he does not want to pay the mehr. SAD!
Thats not true, or maybe this just happens in Pakistan. Because I’ve known many divorce women who remarry really fast. I know this one girl who had 2 divorces and remarried. Its as ez for a divoroced woman to remarry as it is for a virgin.
hmm i didn’t know that !!!.. I believe in the situation i’ve mentioned the girl is asking for a divorce… so she really doesn’t have any rights to the haq mehar???
Mohtarma, you are still living in early 1900s Pakistan has advanced so much, you should take a trip and see for yourself It’s a “fashion” now a days to get divorced and remarry. It makes you look “cool/modern/advanced” in the society.
I myself belong to a middle class family in Pakistan, but I do have friends who belong to upper class. I am talking about them, not middle class people. In my family, love marriage still is a big nono.
But Pakistan being modern still holds true, as many of you have visited recently and have seen what goes on there. Well, atlease I have seen what I could not imagine will be happening so openly in an 'Islamic' society.
i WANT to see what goes on now. I'm from those very very very traditional families, where yeah love marraiges are a nono. Funny tho, if I like a guy and wanna marry him, my mom will be cool with that.. :)
Your parents may have a different and broader mind than the ones in Pakistan because things are different in USA. Society doesn't butt into personal affairs as much as they do in Pakistan. Before you take one step, you have to think about what the whole muhalla will think of this move. It sucks though, but it'll take a long time for Pakistanis to stop caring about what others think and for once do what you feel is right or what your family wants.
You, or any girl, may not have seen what goes on there, but me being a guy, I've seen A LOT and I would go off topic if I get into it, so I'll discuss that sometime later.
Pakistan has advanced so much, you should take a trip and see for yourself 