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@ poster of post 59
Not one thought for Raheem chacha?
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if this is a real live scenario, then does this girl has grandparents who can come live in her parents house once she is married?
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I have utmost respect for anyone who steps outside his/her comfort zone to help another human. I don’t care what it is. I respect people who don’t give a flying f about what others think when it comes to doing the right thing even if it makes them uncomfortable. You say women don’t respect such men, are you sure you are not projecting your feelings and inner fear onto others? Like I said, no one is asking you to stay home and do nothing with your life. You can work and contribute to the household while still living your life. It is not easy, women who have lived this way for years know this. Yet you think a woman will lose respect for a man who understands her concerns, is willing to walk in her shoes, is ctually there for her, trusts her judgment to do what is right without imposing his decisions on her? and before you say, men are supposed to lead and what not, they sure should be leaders but I believe in a companionship where two walk shoulder to shoulder, not one trailing behind the other. This mindset doesn’t make me a feminist, it makes me a normal person who possesses a wonderful brain to make her own decisions and have feelings/concerns that need to be acknowledged and not brushed under the carpet.
If women have been doing it for so long, why can’t men? Why are your feelings and concerns more important than mine? We were raised the same, got our education, got our careers, and are just as productive as you are so then why are our expectations so different? Oh that’s right, society decides what we are supposed to do and teaches how things should be. You know traditional women have just as many demands if not more. You will find d out when you find The ONE.
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No, I would not want to live in my wife’s parents home. Likewise I would not want her to live in a joint family system with my parents and siblings, too much unnecessary sociopolitical drama in such a living arrangement.
Wife is absolutely free to visit her parents whenever she wants, as much as she wants. If she wants to stay there for a few days, good for her. Personally I enjoy spending time alone, so it would be a win-win situation for me anyway.
If, and only if, one of her parents die, or one of them becomes ill, then they are free to come live with us. Of course I’d want my wife to extend the same courtesy to my parents. But no way I’m moving into someone else’s home, be it the home of my parents or her parents.
Also, People are usually capable of taking care of themselves into their mid to late 60s, no need to patronise others and view them as bacharay. I give them space, they give me space.
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@Theory
“This person doesn’t make me a feminist, it makes me a normal person”
Your post reflects views of a feminists - who are normal persons with a brain, feelings etc.
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I don’t like labeling myself or anybody else. We are all normal people. Some posters here think they can outsmart you in a debate by labeling you and putting you in categories.
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And yet not a single feminist answered the question asked by pak2015 that how your mothers treated your fathers? 
Why so?
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When you start popping the babies…you can sit home and play mommy too. Until then, this is how it works.
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No matter what solution you provide to these chicks, they are just hell bent on moving the husband into the in laws house. Why?
They are just adat se majboor I guess.
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Well if i’m really close to her and get along with her parents, and they aren’t bad or greedy people, then i might help them out
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It all depends on how much I like her. If I like her enough, there is no harm trying the setup. If there is not much interference from her parents in couple’s private life, this can actually work.
I don’t really care much about “loog kia kaheen gai” but I do not want to her from my wife (at some point in life) that she or her parents did some ehsan on me by keeping me at their home. I will make sure my wife knows that I am doing this out of her love and not for any other reason.
As for ghar jamahi, that stigma is attached with nikamey and kamchoor damads who dont work and live in susral. I’ll be working full time and perhaps pitching in other expenses (like grocery, bills etc)
PS: wasiey my father is living example for me. It was a bit different situation but Abbu took care of Nani like his mother. Nani stayed at our home for years, he took care of her healthcare expenses, everyday expenses etc even though I hava mamo but he went through some extended financial crises.
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My nani stayed with us for years when she came to the US.
She let my parents focus on their jobs and took care of the four of us.
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First, you have to tell me how you define feminism. And I will tell you how my mother treated my dad. They both had their issues. They were two very different individuals, both highly intelligent. My mother is an extrovert and my father was an introvert. My mother stayed with my dada dadi and whole family for at least 15 years, while her husband was living abroad. My parents never really communicated with each other, they argued. I don’t recall a single normal conversation between the two. My mom would not listen to my dad and my dad would never listen to my mom. She wanted one thing and he wanted nothing to do with it. He belittled her, she went shopping. They both ignored each other’s needs. I will be damned if I repeat their mistakes.
So what did I learn from my parents? I am never going to be financially irresponsible like my mother so I always consult my husband before I buy anything. I am never going to say no to spending time with my husband like my dad did. I make time if I don’t have any. As much as I hate to go out, I do go out with him and we have fun. I communicate my issues directly to him instead of talking with others about our marital problems. I will never let a third person interfere or intervene, not his parents nor my parents are welcome to interfere.
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I read that bit and thought… 
I think that even in western culture, the guy who lives with his wife’s parents will be considered whipped. Actually western culture may be more unforgiving…because it’s considered a shame for anyone who is over 18 to be even living with their own parents lol. But let’s put that aside. When we try to make things 100% equal in a relationship it just won’t move forward. If a guy is willing to take his wife’s parents in and take care of their needs out of his own pocket, then foolish is the woman who instead of appreciating that begrudges him for not living in her parents’ home. Foolish because she chooses to zero-in on that one thing as opposed to looking at the bigger picture and it has naught to do with possessing a wonderful brain and much to do with the struggle to keep the marriage scoreboard even.
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So you think this is how marriages should be? That’s how a husband and wife should treat each other? You really think if your mom and dad lived with your nani instead it would have been any better? They’re both making it unneccessarily hard on themselves and their kids. Even though you say you dont want to make the same mistakes, your attitude is coming off the same way as BOTH your dad and mom, you too want your way or no way by making it into a gender rights issue when I guarantee you that’s not how most guys view it. Everyone regardless of gender should take a conciliatory approach to marriage and should advocate for compromising and meeting each other half way and doing for each other. Most men on here have said they would take care of in laws and would even be willing to have them move in, but you’re the one making rigid demands. Be a little flexible, not everything has to be made into a women’s right issue.
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I am not making any demands. I have never forced my husband to do anything he doesn’t want to do. I am not turning this into a gender rights issue, double standards and hypocrisy just bug me as much as anything out of balance. It’s more about how I view things and my need for balancing equations out. My own relationship is nothing like my own parents’. Read my post again, I have added some more comments. I don’t like things out of order. If you read my other posts, you would see I speak the same way for men’s rights.
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Good additions, I like your last paragraph. That’s exactly how both husband and wife should act. Neither should be making it difficult for the other or imposing demands, instead both should do for each others happiness and not keep count or be resentful or always try to prove a point. Seems like you have handled that well in your relationship! 
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You know what they say “practice what you preach.” If I actually acted upon my need for balancing stuff out, my marriage will end tomorrow. I can preach all I want about the need for balance and equality in marriages, the truth is things are hardly ever completely balanced in any relationship. Sometimes you give more, sometimes you take more.
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i said this a while ago!!! 
meri toh kisi nay sunni hi nahin hai na 
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Because aap to abhi bachi ho. Bachon ki koi’ee nahin sunta 