Guys....

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Sorry bro, although you sound like a very decent human being, the girls aren’t going to be happy with all that. They want more. You have to live in her parents house or else you’re a terrible husband and don’t dare ever ask them to compromise for you and your relationship.

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But what is wrong with moving into their home? Why not take up mortgage payments too while you are living there? What if they are so used to living in their home and their house is arranged according to their medical needs? Say thry have modified their home to fit their needs. Wouldn’t you be so kind to give up your comfort for them like many women do? The problem isn’t what you are willing to do, the problem is you can’t even imagine a woman asking you to move in her house with your parents. No one is asking you to quit your job and stay at home. You can work and everything, pay the bills too. Why can’t you just live in their home like many women are expected to do without complaining? See what it feels like to live in someone’s shadow and never appreciated.

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come now child, not all women are like that. meanwhile i’m running a rishta aunty business on gs. sign up and i’ll find you one of the total opposite of what you just described. :sahar02:

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Like I said most pakistani women don’t respect such men–the ones that do are rare. And if it’s medical issues and in laws are sick that’s a completely different scenario.

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The women on this thread are, was directed to them..cant ever tell if youre a male or female..btw what is your avatar

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Theorist, it’s not worth it to try and explain this - men want even their giving and generosity, to be done on their own terms. And for women to do fulfill their duties and obligations, on the husband’s terms as well.

Sadly, trying to explain that this isn’t about either gender not living with the in-laws, but instead about being empathetic to why it presents challenges is something most guys won’t grasp. For women to express any trepidation (which is far different than refusing to do it, outright) about it makes the woman selfish. That’s all the guys see.

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?? It’s called meeting someone half way..you know the term called compromising…tell me girls, how do your mom’s treat your dads? Do they talk like this also and keep count and say “oh you want everything on your terms”??

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girl on weekdays, boy on weekends :maroush: avatar? it’s me on my good days.

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Haha that’s sweet, sweef :slight_smile:

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Because it’s all zubaani jamaa-kharch, in other words lip service. Easy enough for a guy to say, but the real life examples posted on this website and the ones that I’ve seen, don’t bear out the “truth” of this. And why compromise, why not be selfless and do something against one’s wishes to please another? Isn’t that what happens when a girl moves in with her in-laws into their home and then is told, she can’t cook for her husband or decorate her home or name her child (and I can link a whole bunch of threads on these aforementioned topics). Where’s the compromise then?

Anyhoo, to qualify all of this - I’m not anti-in-laws or joint family system, I just wish guys would be more empathetic about the challenges and compromises made by women who go into a joint family system and that the husband be an advocate for his wife in a way that appreciates what she’s doing and ensure that she is an equal member of the family, as opposed to a second-class citizen who can’t make decisions within the home.

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For the perfect girl yes but would prefer them living in my home and not me in theirs unless there is a very good reason.

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You can think it’s lip service. And there is a selection bias on this forum–clearly people who have an issue or are unhappy are going to self report more likely than people who are satisfied. It’s not representative. And i agree with your last paragraph, wives should not be treated as second class citizens within their own homes. Some husbands are doing wrong in that regard. But doesn’t mean have to have strict demands just to get back at men, two wrongs don’t make a right.

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Totally agree there is bias on this forum. In real life and offline, the guys in my life are good men, and I believe there are more good men than bad out there who love, care and respect their wives and their in-laws. Sure each of us has encountered some bad apples, but I don’t believe they are the norm.

But the stereotypes on this website against women are appalling and sometimes holding up a mirror and having men acknowledge that not all women (be they from Pakistan or western-raised, highly or moderately educated, career-women or SAHM, enthusiastic or trepidatious about living in a joint-family system) - they are not bad women!

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What kind of a beta would live with his in laws? Feminists, they gone batshyte crazy! Equality on issues such as which parents to live with yet traditional gender roles on allowing women the “choice” to not work 30+ year careers when it comes to 50/50 splitting of bills because she pops out kids and she’s entitled to stay at home and play mommy!

Ladies if you want men you can wrap around your little finger go marry beta yes men or white knights - plenty of them around.

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give your alpha gob a rest will ya!!!

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Can’t do that! :slight_smile:

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No.

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thats not a perfect girl for me …

under 21 … No way. at least 23/24 …
gora-chitta-rung … I hate gora chitta rang. I prefer face-cuts rather than complexion
slim figure .. hmm
child-bearing-hips .. hmm
khamosh .. PLAIN NO .. I am a quiet person, if she is going to be quiet as well then our house would sound like a graveyard.

that being said, I wouldn’t move in. I would much rather prefer living close to their house but wouldn’t move in with them

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How khamosh are we talking about? This could be an issue if she doesn’t talk at all.

The stay-at-home mom thing. Your hypothetical situation doesn’t say what kinda money I make. If I don’t make a lot and she insists on staying home I don’t think it’s going to work for me.

Are my imaginary brothers good people? Do I know for sure that my parents are going to be taken care of? Worst case scenario, would my in-laws and wife be okay with my folks joining the happy commune? Convincing my parents is my job.

What happens when kids come along? Is there space for them? Are they open to the idea of moving into a bigger place if we need to and have the money for it?

Would the girl be open to the idea of learning how to drive? She’s going to be home all the time anyway. Because I ain’t going to be driving people around all the time. And do we have to keep the Corolla?

And the most important thing, the parents. Hopefully they’re not extremely loud people who’re fighting all the time. The house shouldn’t be too cluttered. Can’t think of anything else right now.

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Shocking to see no desi man here is using man brain . Life1 changed them for good :frowning: