Guys....

[tubelight]

Re: Guys…

Why not “your kind” just marry the ones who are willing to be ghar jamais? why marry other guys then? Then you chicks complain we never get to live our lives, we gave up on everything bla bla bla . Man it was your choice, you chose this way, now live with it. Why whine now?

[pak2015]

Re: Guys…

@Theorist

aha! That is how we, the independent kind, think too! See how we feel now when we get asked to make all the damn compromises when we could do just fine without it all. Why would we get married to your kind if we thought we would be enslaved by you and your family? I can see why men look for women who are willing to become housewives. So they don’t call you out on your BS or they have no other option. Very clever actually.

Yeah so then girls who want that should get married to such men who are okay with it or not get married at all. Simple solution.

[pak2015]

Re: Guys…

@tubelight

Why not “your kind” just marry the ones who are willing to be ghar jamais? why marry other guys then? Then you chicks complain we never get to live our lives, we gave up on everything bla bla bla . Man it was your choice, you chose this way, now live with it. Why whine now?

Yeah exactly, just posted the same thing also!

[Theorist]

Re: Guys…

@pak2015

Yeah well I don’t agree with men who dont appreciate their wives. I won’t be like that IA.

And now you’re bringing up a completely different topic. You seem unsatisfied with your marriage life and you living with your parents likely won’t change that as much as you may think. And Yes if the girls parents are sick and need help then temporarily living in their house for some years as a support system is completely normal and would happily do that for in laws.

And let me ask about your BIL–are his parents still alive, does have an older brother(s) who are taking care of his parents and does he have kids? If his brother is taking care of his parents and him living with his in laws actually helps him with them taking care of the kids, etc–point is he is likely getting some benefit out of it also.

I don’t live with my parents, my other sister and Bill do. LOL! I am happily married. I don’t like the living arrangement and it can really get overwhelming to the point I just need to get away but I am grateful for it all at the end of the day.

[pak2015]

Re: Guys…

@Theorist

aha! That is how we, the independent kind, think too! See how we feel now when we get asked to make all the damn compromises when we could do just fine without it all. Why would we get married to your kind if we thought we would be enslaved by you and your family? I can see why men look for women who are willing to become housewives. So they don’t call you out on your BS or they have no other option. Very clever actually.

This is also why guys then look for girls who dont have this mindset and often search for traditional girls and not liberal or modern girls. Or they go to Pakistan to look for a wife who may not have such a mindset. To each his own though.

[Sehrysh]

Re: Guys…

Men discourage other men from living with their in-laws by using terms like ghar jamai/damaad and making it into a social taboo.
@Theorist, without getting into a lot of details, I knew a family of several sisters (no brothers) who had critically ill parents and because of the social taboo, the son in-laws didn’t have the in-laws living with them - this included the son-in-law, who was a blood relative of the in-laws (the younger couple were cousins, so one parent of each was a sibling).

Sadly, the older couple passed away within 6 months of each other. And to this day, all I can think is that they are at peace aur kam-as-kam kissi pe bhoj to nahin hai, kissi ke taanay to nahin sunna parayga unhein. May Allah (swt) bless them in their hereafter.

[Theorist]

Re: Guys…

@pak2015

Yeah well I don’t agree with men who dont appreciate their wives. I won’t be like that IA.

And now you’re bringing up a completely different topic. You seem unsatisfied with your marriage life and you living with your parents likely won’t change that as much as you may think. And Yes if the girls parents are sick and need help then temporarily living in their house for some years as a support system is completely normal and would happily do that for in laws.

And let me ask about your BIL–are his parents still alive, does have an older brother(s) who are taking care of his parents and does he have kids? If his brother is taking care of his parents and him living with his in laws actually helps him with them taking care of the kids, etc–point is he is likely getting some benefit out of it also.

I don’t live with my parents, my other sister and BIL do. LOL! I am happily married. I don’t like the living arrangement and it can really get overwhelming to the point I just need to get away but I am grateful for it all at the end of the day.

About my BIL, what you say is true. It is indeed helpful for him.

[Theorist]

Re: Guys…

@pak2015

This is also why guys then look for girls who dont have this mindset and often search for traditional girls and not liberal or modern girls. Or they go to Pakistan to look for a wife who may not have such a mindset. To each his own though.

So then we are exactly alike, aren’t we? If this mindset is wrong, then you should look within yourself and change it.

[pak2015]

Re: Guys…

@Sehrysh

Men discourage other men from living with their in-laws by using terms like ghar jamai/damaad and making it into a social taboo.
@Theorist, without getting into a lot of details, I knew a family of several sisters (no brothers) who had critically ill parents and because of the social taboo, the son in-laws didn’t have the in-laws living with them - this included the son-in-law, who was a blood relative of the in-laws (the younger couple were cousins, so one parent of each was a sibling).

Sadly, the older couple passed away within 6 months of each other. And to this day, all I can think is that they are at peace aur kam as kam kissi pe bhoj to nahin hai, kissi ke taanay to nahin sunna parayga unhein. May Allah (swt) bless them in their hereafter.

Like i said girls and their families don’t respect such men over time so it’s not 100% just on men making it a social taboo.

And yeah well this was very wrong of the son in laws for not taking care of their in laws while they were sick. They should have taken responsibility for them.

[pak2015]

Re: Guys…

@Theorist

So then we are exactly alike, aren’t we? If this mindset is wrong, then you should look within yourself and change it.

?? Yeah so that’s why I’m looking for a more traditional girl who won’t make irrational demands. I’m not going to marry a modern girl who makes demands in advance. Will marry someone with similar mindset to me and someone who understands it’s okay to compromise and sacrifice for each other without keeping count. And of course I will treat and take care of her parents like my own and won’t be keeping count.

[Theorist]

Re: Guys…

@Sehrysh

Men discourage other men from living with their in-laws by using terms like ghar jamai/damaad and making it into a social taboo.
@Theorist, without getting into a lot of details, I knew a family of several sisters (no brothers) who had critically ill parents and because of the social taboo, the son in-laws didn’t have the in-laws living with them - this included the son-in-law, who was a blood relative of the in-laws (the younger couple were cousins, so one parent of each was a sibling).

Sadly, the older couple passed away within 6 months of each other. And to this day, all I can think is that they are at peace aur kam as kam kissi pe bhoj to nahin hai, kissi ke taanay to nahin sunna parayga unhein. May Allah (swt) bless them in their hereafter.

This is why F society!

[sweefs]

Re: Guys…

if i may take the stage amongst this whole riff raff sehrysh, please and thank you

why does the girl have to live with her parents if they are both well and able in their own home? why isn’t there the option of meeting half way, and living near the parents but separately? does she really want to spend first few years of marriage in a joint type system? before i get attacked, i would also ask the guy the same thing if it was his parents. it’s a completely different story if the parents were incredibly poorly and needed care at home, or were financially dependent.

i feel like there is a lot of “parents vs. spouse” talk when actually there shouldn’t really be a comparison. she is a grown adult, knows that there will come a time where she’ll have to leave her parents. she just needs to make sure she finds someone who understands that there will be moments where her parents will need help, or even move in/move them in and vice versa.

[Sehrysh]

Re: Guys…

@pak2015

?? Yeah so that’s why I’m looking for a more traditional girl who won’t make irrational demands. I’m not going to marry a modern girl who makes demands about me in advance. Will marry someone with similar mindset to me. And of course I will treat and take care of her parents like my own.

So if she says, I don’t want to live in your parents house immediately after we’re married, but when they are older and unwell, they can move in with us, so long as my parents can move in as well, you’d be perfectly okay with that?

And when it comes to caring for the parents, you would do exactly for her parents, what she does for yours? Cooking, cleaning, etc., plus allowing both sets of in-laws equal input and say in your combined lives?

[Theorist]

Re: Guys…

@pak2015

?? Yeah so that’s why I’m looking for a more traditional girl who won’t make irrational demands. I’m not going to marry a modern girl who makes demands about me in advance. Will marry someone with similar mindset to me. And of course I will treat and take care of her parents like my own.

What irrational demands? Asking to be treated how you would like to be treated Is irrational? No, you are not looking for someone with similar mindset. You met and rejected girls with your mindset.

[strangeworld]

Re: Guys…

@Sehrysh

…you meet the perfect girl (under 21, gora-chitta rang; slim figure with child-bearing hips, khamosh, educated, but will be a stay-at-home wife/mother) - generally a girl who buys into the whole husband is majazi-e-khuda bit…

She’s perfect in every way except she’s an only child who must live with her parents in their home, would you marry her and move in to her parents home?

BTW, you are one of 5 sons so no issues on your own parents care.

I’m just stuck on the child-bearing hips part, can’t think of anything else, lol

Such an educated and mannered way to describe a woman’s beauty I must say.

[pak2015]

Re: Guys…

@Sehrysh

So if she says, I don’t want to live in your parents house immediately after we’re married, but when they are older and unwell, they can move in with us, so long as my parents can move in as well, you’d be perfectly okay with that?

And when it comes to caring for the parents, you would do exactly for her parents, what she does for yours? Cooking, cleaning, etc., plus allowing both sets of in-laws equal input and say in your combined lives?

Yeah will discuss it and come up with a compromise. Yes when parents get older both can live with us. I said I will treat her parents like my own parents,–I don’t cook or clean for my own parents lol..but I will love them unconditionally and do for them.

What is wrong with you girls..is this how your mom’s treat your dads? So ridiculous..

[Sehrysh]

Re: Guys…

@sweefs

if i may take the stage amongst this whole riff raff sehrysh, please and thank you

why does the girl have to live with her parents if they are both well and able in their own home? why isn’t there the option of meeting half way, and living near the parents but separately? does she really want to spend first few years of marriage in a joint type system? before i get attacked,*** i would also ask the guy the same thing if it was his parents***. it’s a completely different story if the parents were incredibly poorly and needed care at home, or were financially dependent.

But you’re not allowed to compare a woman having the same expectation about living situations with a guy’s expectations! As soon as a girl says there should be a separate home, somewhere in between, she’s modern and spoiled and not good wife material.

[pak2015]

Re: Guys…

@Theorist

What irrational demands? Asking to be treated how you would like to be treated Is irrational? No, you are not looking for someone with similar mindset. You met and rejected girls with your mindset.

Yes its an irrational demand if I say I’d like her parents to live with me and Ill treat them like my own, but she insists that no has to be their house.

[sweefs]

Re: Guys…

i kinda fail to see how a guy wouldn’t appreciate his wife making an effort for his family and wouldn’t want to reciprocate that. especially if it’s not arranged or such a scenario where there is no respect. and i’m talking from seeing my parents, grandparents, a lot of my chachus etc. and equally, i have seen men completely disrespect their wives and her parents or women having no regard for their in-laws. really, it can go both ways. where a woman claims her right to living separately and not taking on a caring role or a man expects his wife to do all that, and not contribute in any way. and this will definitely get me a couple of chittars but men and women are programmed differently. i’m not saying that is an excuse to have disparities in expectations but acknowledge that women tend to be more nurturing or caring whilst men show that in a different way ie. providing financially. maybe i’m going off topic now..

as for ill parents, this topic hits closer to home. single parent (poorly for a while now) household, eldest and taking on a crapload of responsibility. still wouldn’t feel the need to drag future mr sweefs into my home to help me look after my mum unless she is absolutely not well, heck i even try to help her be more independent. and i would expect the same of him. but if a time did come where his parents needed that support.. they’d be wishing i’d be less supportive

people in this thread need to remember that no parent WANTS to be a burden on their kid.. if they can be as independent for as long as possible then they will do that.

[bakhabar]

Re: Guys…

@Sehrysh

…you meet the perfect girl (under 21, gora-chitta rang; slim figure with child-bearing hips, khamosh, educated, but will be a stay-at-home wife/mother) - generally a girl who buys into the whole husband is majazi-e-khuda bit…

Above does not fall under my perfection criteria, but let say I meet this person, whos good and checks the boxes, I’d be gladly willing to support the family, pay the bills, so will be my parents. I live one hour away from my parents, but we’d be gladly willing to assist them to move in with us.

Nature of my work requires me to travel alot, for longer periods, I was reloocated to Egypt for one year in 2013, and I had maintained one guest room in my place, which I never got to utilize, we have two guests rooms in our home, so them moving in with us would be great, and my parents would support the decision. Health Insurance and others stuff would guarantee, better care.

Why?

Becuase they’ve raised the amazing girl all those years, it’s time old folks take some rest. They deserve even better care and reward.