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when you sa you want her to have an equal stake in decision making process, suppose if at some point in life she decides to stay at home and stop working, would you be supportive of her decision and accepts it as her right to choose?
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Now who is a parha likha jaahil?
The educated woman staying at home doing nothing.
Or the educated woman doing job looking down at the woman above?
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I will accept her right to choose to do this, but she must accept my right to do what I need to do also: I will add stipulations to any prenup I make her sign, clawing back any payout she’ll get if we divorce - I am highly against a man subsidizing a woman’s choice to become a sahm (those couples who take the mutual decision for the wife to be a sahm or where the hubbie wants this, this doesn’t apply to you guys). This is the era of equality - women should have fulfilling 30+ year careers; equal rights and responsibilities. Two working professionals can easily afford a nanny/childcare.
I’ve effectively swallowed the Red Pill. It is what it is.
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bad is that roti aint gol. 
Lol u are pretty aggressive abt the whole equality thing.. 
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Sounds like his money is worth more than his kids.
You (badabing) need to go to the “moms vs maids” thread and watch the video.
Also, goodluck, because interested parties (even those with successful careers) will probably be looking at the money and stability you can offer, knowing that they can take a break and take care of the kids and not have to worry about finances or having to work.
To be honest, not sure why you even want kids if you just want to palm them off on to a nanny. Sounds like you don’t even know very much about children; they are not just objects.
Anyway, it all smells a bit fishy. None of the bankers I know have time to sit around on the internet.
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Feminism promotes equality - that is all that I am offering, nothing more nothing less; equal rights and responsibilities, afterall, according to feminism men and women are equal. You can’t then turn around and be butt hurt when I take issue to a wife wife wanting to be a sahm - the only reason for this would be to look after children, as I have stated, a working professional couple can afford £25-30k a year for a live in nanny, problem solved. One minute women want equality the next minute chivalry/religious rights? Which one is it? You can’t have your cake and eat it.
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I’m currently taking lunch, secondly yesterday was bank holiday so I made a few posts on here. I believe in equal rights and responsibilities.
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What about equally sharing actually taking care of the children? Why is that not an option? Forget the money and the pre-nup for a second, you need to be looking for a woman who is on the same page as you about raising children.. and I don’t know any which would share your views regardless of their level of career.
Live in nanny doesn’t solve the problem when people want to raise their children themselves. I know people who were looked after by nannies and then shipped off to boarding school and they have very little in terms of a relationship with their parents or even siblings.
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It’s not like in the US there are no desi investment bankers at all, there are of course. But the vast majority of so called educated desis run and leap towards certain professions here.
Regarding what @badabing 's philosophy is towards marriage. It is not mine. I like men who have no qualms with a woman working or not working, kids or not, who themselves are not workaholics and are well read. But I respect other people’s ideas. It’s their life, I don’t have to live it. It’s good that he is not laying it on as a surprise ( hopefully) on his spouse to be but shall spell it out as clearly to her as he has, here on GS. As for busy lives, doctors have busy lives too but we have quite a few of them posting here regularly on GS.
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I think you misunderstand what women want. There are multiple waves of feminism and the most radical, which also has the most visibility, is the one that chants for equality and insists that men and women are equal. They’re not. The basic physiological differences puts paid to that claim.
The more mature and evolved feminists are not feminists, but in fact humanists - those that demand equity for all people. A call for equity recognizes the differences between individuals, based on whatever dividing line you want to use (gender, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation), yet requires people to be treated fairly. Fair treatment doesn’t demand that each person gets exactly the same thing (substitute “thing” with rights, finances, choices). Rather equity means there is overall balance - a give and take and general fairness in overall rights.
My point being, women want to be treated with dignity, kindness and consideration and their efforts, regardless of what shape that takes: professional career woman or stay-at-home mom, should be valued.
Sure, I don’t have a lot of time for girls/women who sit on the couch and eat bon-bons while watching the latest drama and ordering the latest clothes - but truth be told, these women are few and far between. Most SAHM/SAHW contribute to their homes in tons of intangible ways.
Funny enough, I was talking to a relo the other day and he’s trying to put an actual monetary value of his wife’s financial consulting/managing services. She’s a SAHM - but also qualified with a graduate finance degree and she manages their investments/portfolios. On its face, one would assume she does nothing more than cook or clean and mind the kids, but because her husband works in the same industry, he’s freely willing to acknowledge the value she brings to the relationship.
I would caution you against being so myopic when it comes to valuing the contributions and expectations of women in general and or a SAHM/SAHW in particular.
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This may be the era of quality, but genders roles are set biologically. Men should still be the primary financial providers unless they’re popping kids as well and raising a family. It’s not a 50-50 financial partnership–each spouse has different yet complementary roles in a marriage. Women, although free to work, should also not neglect the kids and house while men should focus on the financial aspect.
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I don’t think it should matter who the primary financial provider is as long as both husband and wife are happy with the arrangement and all bases are being covered in regards to childcare, housework etc.
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What you are looking for is a contract with rigid terms rather than marriage in its true essence. Nothing in life is predictable, hence no concrete rules can be followed even though one may start off with that. Good luck though as there are all kinds of people in this world!
Now what happens if (God forbid) one partner becomes terminally ill or disabled and is unable to do their 50% share, should the other person leave him/her? Wonder how you’d contribute your 50% in pregnancy/child bearing?
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The breakdown of a marriage is handled in rigid terms, 50/50 plus between 30-40% of my pay check in spousal support - so why can’t the marriage itself be handled in a rigid manor?
I am being flamed for being against wanting my wife to be a sahm? why? What’s she gonna do at home - eat bonbons and watch Jeremy Kyle?
I’ve explicitly stated that I do not expect my wife to cook, clean, do khidmaatari of my parents or look after any children that are produced in the marriage - all bases are covered; so wtf would she want to be a housewife - to lunch, go yoga and to shop on my dime?
I have been given sound advice by over 200 married or divorced men, desi’s and non desi’s; heck I’ve even had HNWI’s due to my job give me advice - it all comes out the same: protect yourself as much as you can! After a number of years I can expect duty sex once or twice a month if I’m lucky, and yet I’m meant to subsidize my wife’s desire to eat bonbons at home for the next 30 plus years? Not happening.
I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea - that’s kool. All my issues will be laid out before marriage; I’m not going to trap a woman and then spring this stuff on her. I haven’t even started looking yet for christ’s sake!
There are plenty of beta yes men available who will pander to their wives nakhray - I ain’t one of them.
As far as unforeseen circumstances - say I get I’ll, I have passive income exclusive of my day job that will cover my share of household expenses.
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Wow…I had no idea UK laws were so bad. Very glad to be in the U.S. where at least in my state, its no where close to what you described.
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I don’t know about work, but she should know how to make biryani, that’s all i ask for
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whilst the prenup makes sense, let’s forget the whole “career career sahm sahm career” thing
why would you not want your wife to have a closer bond with your parents and vice versa? there’s a difference between isolating yourself from your pil and just respecting their boundaries (and vice versa). seems to me you’re going for the former. as for “looking after children that are produced in the marriage” lmao, they’re gonna be your spawn you do remember that right? and you can talk the whole alpha male talk now, but when you have kids.. you’re going to want them to have a great, nurtured upbringing and no matter whether you have supernanny from channel 4 looking after them, she STILL won’t do a better job than the mother of your children, so perhaps you might want to focus on that teeny tiny little aspect a bit more.
chill man, go eat a greggs doughnut and have their paani paani si tea. having such and such specific expectation never works out. next thing we know, you’ll be marrying a chav from peckham. :halo: 
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^ This! Life is all about messy human emotions! Sure they can be ugly sometimes (badabing’s divorced friends seem to have experienced that end of the spectrum and have jaded him), but they can also be wondrous, making you a better for having known/experienced it!
@badabing - don’t do yourself the disservice of treating human relationships so clinically. People can surprise you, so long as you’re open to it.
Connecting with someone and really loving them inspires selflessness and wanting to be better and giving because of that person. In the best of relationships - the selflessness and giving is two-way street and reciprocated. Focus on recognizing the true nature and character of a person, and hopefully you’ll meet someone who you can be happy with and a better person because of, as opposed to maintaining a balance sheet noting who brought what to the marriage and what each is entitled to.
LOL! It seems like the thread became: let’s lecture badabing…sorry to the OP. What was the original topic under discussion?
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sweefs 
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As I said earlier, I myself do not subscribe to @badabing 's views. However, his views are not different than many other desi husbands I have seen. They expect the wife to contribute financially, look after the in laws, do housework and not spend a dime of their own hard earned money without the husband’s permission (same does not apply to the husband). I am not saying everyone is like that, but many are and they spring it all like a surprise on the wife after marriage. I have even seen one wife ask her husband how is she supposed to manage the kids and house along with a full time job and his reply was look at so and so, she manages then so can you (conveniently forgetting that so and so has tons of help too). Badabing at least is honest. Its certainly not an arrangement I would prefer for myself at all but better to know these things before hand to help one make an informed decision. Hypocrisy in desis is very very common.