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Why would any woman want to stay at home when every aspect of home life maintenance is being tended to? I’m amazed people are flaming me for being calculated in my approach - so you rather I have her make me rotis and biryanis and listen to my parent star plus drama storylines and change nappies 24/7? Baffling indeed.
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actually, what’s more baffling is for the self-proclaimed smarty farty that you are.. you still didn’t get it. and i could say it ten times over but you still may not get it if your view on a mother’s role (as well as a father) in her child’s life is so insignificant that it can simply be replaced by a nanny. not to mention the fact that you seem to think having a bond with pil’s consists of drama ranting. why belittle familial relationships to the point where they shouldn’t even be a concern or inconvenience?
there’s being calculating and thinking about things with a rational, non-lovey dovey frame of mind and then there’s just missing the point completely, pal.
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LOL! Staying home and making rotis has its own joy for some people. The idea of being the nurturing maternal center of the family, who raises and molds her children, providing them with a moral and successful upbringing, is its own reward for some women. Don’t knock it!
I think, you’re measuring personal satisfaction and actualization based on your own frame of reference. As a guy who has known success in his chosen career and the fruits that the financial rewards and opportunities that result from it, you’re assuming that everyone else should measure success in a likewise manner.
A total aside: I was in SE Asia almost a year ago since I’m fortunate to be able to afford to travel and stay in nice hotels and buy myself nice meals, and it would be natural to assume that everyone else should want the same things - financial success and the opportunities that it enables you to enjoy.
I met a roti/canai vendor on the streets of Bangkok and I’ve rarely come across another person as equally content-looking. He enjoyed what he was doing , making these yummy treats for other people. Maybe he aspires for more to ease his life a little - but it was clear that he didn’t covet what I had. My measure of success wasn’t his and contentment and self-actualization are very personal.
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I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree. lol smarty farty, I like that one.
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so, so true licks her face again
i don’t do “agree to disagree”. you need to accept that what i said was right.. naturally.
jk jk, but it would be good if you understood what we’re trying to get at.
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Does this mean you’ll share your maple KKs with me (assuming you can locate them somewhere)? You know, that’s the true sign of devotion 
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oh look who wants to play my lesbian lover now! after pretending to be all prim and proper with me 
i’ll share my maple krispy kreme wealth with you. for every hour you spend with me whispering intellectual nothings, i’ll give you 1.5 maple kk’s! 
i’m sorry for derailing the thread mods, it seems to happen everywhere i go 
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Derailing threads artfully is a lost art. We need to teach the newbies how its done 
And for you my sweefs, all bets are off - I’ll even consider playing for the other team if maple krispy kremes are guaranteed.
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I don’t think I can win this one tonight, I’m off to bed.
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Your future wife should make you agree to pay out a nice fat sum every time she has to carry and give birth to one of your kids. Future = sorted.
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surely surrogacy is cheaper?
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^ You’ll also need a donor egg for that and the better the stock, the more expensive.
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yes finally! quote for future ref 
tch.. tumhara koi haal nahin hai 
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never say never
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lol, i’m trolling, i know surrogacy is haram
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@badabing - while I appreciate your honesty and straight forwardness like @eastern11, I think the ladies are trying to explain to you that your views come across as very rigid and nothing in life is that rigid when we are talking about relationships.
You’re not a father yet, so it’s easy for you to say things like “leave the kids with nanny/daycare - what’s the problem etc” - but it’s very possible that when you’ve your own little-mini-me you might change your mind and nanny/daycare might not seem as rosy as it does right now. I can give you the example of my husband, although he doesn’t hold the same views as you at all, but he works in a very demanding position, loves his job and is very ambitious, yet his main goal for the time being is to get off as early as possible so that our 1 year old doesn’t have to be in daycare a minute longer than needed, even if that means he has to skip his lunch or do some of the work at home. I guess what I’m trying to say is that once you’ve kids, you do things you never thought you would.
And I know plenty of very career-oriented women and hardcore feminists who changed their mind 180 degrees when children came into the picture - so you really never know 
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So surrogacy is haram. You know that as per what Islam states but do you know what Islam says about marriage? Raising children? Having a relationship with a spouse? Don’t take offense but you don’t actually know what marriage is. It is not a contract. It is not a rigid deal between two people. You don’t know what it is to have children. You might get your pre nup and the wife you want but what happens if she changes her mind? What happens when she becomes pregnant and she decides she wants to care for your baby? The maternal instinct is extremely strong. Much stronger in some ways than the love you may have for your spouse. Its like a wise man said “Choosing to have children is like choosing to let a piece of your heart walk outside of your body.”. You are not emotionally nor mentally ready for marriage.
Marriage has to be flexible. There are so many changes that can happen. What if your wife when she gets pregnant has problems during pregnancy? What if she gets SPD? Or stress and working long hours causes problems for her? Pregnancy isn’t a walk in the park. I was working when I got pregnant with my baby. I used to drive 45 miles to get to work and I absolutely loved working but because I was leaving the house at 7am and getting back at 7pm and the long hours, standing on my feet all day, busy environment etc it was too much for my body. I had to leave work because of it. And I made that decision for my child. And I don’t have any health problems or any conditions alhumdulillah. What if your wife gets pre-eclampsia? Or gestational diabetes? My plan was to have my baby then go back to work at 6 months. And now I look back at my stupidly naive self and laugh. Go back to work and leave my baby with a stranger? Who couldn’t look after them half as well as I do? Miss all those moments? Her first word? Her first wobbly step? Alhumdulillah my husband agreed with me. And he wanted me to go back to work too! But having children changes you. People talk about love as if they know what it really is. But true love is when you hold your baby for the first time in your arms. Not just for women. Men are not robots. My husband is a logical rational person. He does not get emotionally carried away. But with our baby its like he’s a completely different person. And its beautiful to see. That is the power of Allah. Allah puts those feelings in people. There is no logic to them.
You think your wife won’t change like that? You think you won’t?
What if she has a an emergency c section? And she can’t walk for months after? Will you take time off work to care for her and baby? Or do you think your mum will help? If you don’t want your wife to have a relationship with your mother does that mean you don’t want your mother to be involved with her grandkids either? You think your wife won’t appreciate help from someone who’s been there done that? You don’t think maybe bonding over some star plus dramas is maybe more than just about the dramas? Maybe its about building a relationship with your MIL?
Forget kids. What if your wife gets ill? What if she God forbid has an accident and can never work again? Will your pre-nup have a solution to every what if scenario out there?
And no one should go into marriage with even a thought of divorce. Not a good way to start it. The kind of wife you want is the kind who is career oriented and doesn’t have any feeling for her spouse or children. You really want a wife like that? You don’t want a wife who’ll make a nice food not because she has to but because she wants to? Because it makes her happy to do it?
I feel sorry for you. So you saw a few bad relationships and you decided that’s not going to happen to me and decided prenup and emotionless wife is the way to go. That’s sad. When you see badrelationships you are supposed to look at what went wrong and take it as a lesson for your own life. You try your best and leave it to Allah. Cause no matter what you do anyways its all destiny who you end up with. Everyone should pray for a spouse that is a support and a help in this life and the next. Not a trial or test for us. Allah knows best.
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WAIT!!!
In every other thread, women here are lamenting and protesting about how backward it is for desi men to want educated/accomplished women to compromise their career to take care of the kids. And how counter productive and unfair it is to women to subject them to mundane household duties instead of real world intellectual stimulation and etc etc.
Lots of very same posters were up in arms about that Mom vs Maid video and how working mothers are perfectly capable of taking care of kids and home.
Now this guy is offering all that, no boring house hold chores, no serving the inlaws, domestic help in raising the kids. And everyone is having a go at him? Instead of praising and liking his proposed set up? I am utterly confused 
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Is it because he is talking about the pre-nup? or is it that he is making it compulsory for the women to contribute financially? What has specifically ticked off so many people here?? 
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im confused as to why you think we are ticked off? i can only speak for myself but i can quite understand where badabing is coming from, i’m simply telling him that a marriage or any relationship requires SOME form of emotional bonding. and as i stated, pre nups make sense.. its just the fact he sees such little value for the role of parents and the importance of home life, and that his incredibly specific requirements will only lead to disappointment.
most people can run after their careers all they want, spend decades building up a successful life for themselves. have great ambitions and thats perfectly fine, heck i have my own. but ultimately if you can’t really understand or appreciate family, i think you kinda lose at life.. no?