However I disagree with Barfee when she says "treat your in-laws like you would your own family". You should treat your in-laws BETTER then you would your own family. I can argue with my family and tell them EXACTLY what's on my mind. You can't do that with your in-laws. You can be open with them but you have to be very vigilant in the way you approach matters. In-laws tend to be more sensitive to the things you say and do then your own family.
The one thing I would like to add to the rest of the wonderful advice given on here is....dont tattle-tale to your husband about this family. Guys hate that! They may not tell you they hate it (although some do) but trust me NO MAN wants to hear his wife complain about his family (especially his parents) even if they are evil AND even if he knows it. Afterall they are still his family no matter what...good or bad. Handle things on your own vigilantly w/o involving your husband.
Pyari: I actually had a love/arrange marriage and my hubby is the only son so that is the biggest problem my mil has. She has not accepted the fact that her only son is married and is actually happy! But, he just does not see the double standards. He thinks his family is very angelic...............but one day he will figure out the truth!
most husbands will see their family as such ^^
and hopefully he will see you the same way.
refer to my above post....just keep in mind IF your in-laws arent complaining about you to him (im not sure if this is the case with you) and you are complaining to him about them.....then you will look like the bad one in his eyes..maybe not now but eventually.
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The one thing I would like to add to the rest of the wonderful advice given on here is....dont tattle-tale to your husband about this family. Guys hate that! They may not tell you they hate it (although some do) but trust me NO MAN wants to hear his wife complain about his family (especially his parents) even if they are evil AND even if he knows it. Afterall they are still his family no matter what...good or bad. Handle things on your own vigilantly w/o involving your husband.
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So true that husbands don't want to hear anything negative about their family even if they know it's true.
A real man should be biased towards whoever’s RIGHT (whether its ammi or bivi) not just his mother simply coz sehs his mother.. Only pathetic mommas boys ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS favor ammi ji over bivi.. bivi ka faida kya if ur not willing to stand up for her n protect her
But staying out isnt really an option to some i guess? So the nxt best thing, listen to each side carefully.. n come up wit the most logical solution..
Hello men are suposed to be "smarter and more rational" than women .. so why wud a guy take ONLY mommy's side jus coz of emotional attachment (if men r traditionally supposed to be more logical n reasonable than act on "emotioN") ?
Some men cant stay out of it because their wife or mother force them to get involved. Trust me men rather stay out of it. I dont think they want to be forced to take sides.
Paradise lies beneath the feet of the mother...on the other hand it's his wife he goes to bed with at night....hmmmm decisions decisions..lol
But staying out isnt really an option to some i guess? So the nxt best thing, listen to each side carefully.. n come up wit the most logical solution..
Hello men are suposed to be "smarter and more rational" than women .. so why wud a guy take ONLY mommy's side jus coz of emotional attachment (if men r traditionally supposed to be more logical n reasonable than act on "emotioN") ?
Maa ki jagah apni jagah hai aur biwi ki apni. No one can replace either one of them.
I have heard some really strange ppl use this term as to justifying "Maa ki Jagah". Ke maa tau sirf aik baar milti hai aur biwi ka kya hai dobara shaadi bhi ki jasakti hai. I mean why do you have to degrade one rishta over the other????
his wife is the one who'll be taking care of him when he's old and can't take care of himself....why can't both his mother and wife be at the same level?
his wife is the one who'll be taking care of him when he's old and can't take care of himself....why can't both his mother and wife be at the same level?
oh...i nvr implied that they cant. My point was he shouldnt have to choose thats all. Perhaps you misunderstood me. :)
oh and btw....it could be the other way around 2 you know. What if it's the husband that has to take care of the wife in her old age. Afterall women tend to age faster then men. Nowadays there isnt even a huge age gap b/w husband and wife like it used to be.
I have heard some really strange ppl use this term as to justifying "Maa ki Jagah". Ke maa tau sirf aik baar milti hai aur biwi ka kya hai dobara shaadi bhi ki jasakti hai. I mean why do you have to degrade one rishta over the other????
i totally agree with that.....too bad some men dont get that.
that's messed up...."you only have one mom but you can always have another wife?" that disgusts me! It's no wonder divorce rates are so high these days...tut tut.
I have heard some really strange ppl use this term as to justifying "Maa ki Jagah". Ke maa tau sirf aik baar milti hai aur biwi ka kya hai dobara shaadi bhi ki jasakti hai. I mean why do you have to degrade one rishta over the other????
Its very pathetic and degrading.. Ppl who feel n behave that way are really sick and disgusting.. I don think any good, mature mother would teach her son that.. :(
I agree Sara & Angel but trust me there are mothers out there who take full advantage of "unke paoon ke neechay janat blackmail"
No doubt Allah has awarded a mother with such honor. We too are going to be Mothers InshaAllah but that does not mean to go ahead and abuse it with the mindset that all your mistakes/wrongdoings will be forgiven!
Mahru...so true @ blackmail. Men tend to forget that there are other verses that talk about the proper treatment of the wife to. Like "the best among men are those who are best with their wife" cant remember which hadith that is from.
No doubt Allah has awarded a mother with such honor. We too are going to be Mothers InshaAllah but that does not mean to go ahead and abuse it with the mindset that all your mistakes/wrongdoings will be forgiven!
I really think its such a gross misuse of religion , which is very rampant in our culture.. I know mothers are supposd tob e loved and respected, of course, but that doesnt mean to abuse ur wife n make her miserable coz she said so !! Also, this “teaching” just downplays the importance of the grls mother as well..
Inpak, unfortunately they dont.. most likely they forget the bad things, or they feel that their MIL was right in treating her how she did.. or, worst of all IMO, they feel its their time to get their “revenge”.
i always wonder that 2. You would think that those type of moms would say...."hey i was treated badly by my mil so i dont want to be that way with my dil. but nooooooooooooo! It's all cultural.
Yes, there are hadiths that emphasize on wife's importance and how a husband is responsible for her well being physically, emotionally and mentally. I have a very good Islamic book, "The Muslim Marriage Guide", by Ruqayyah Waris Maqsood. It discusses every aspect of marriage.
Like I said earlier.....her risthay ki apni value hai. In sub rishtoon ko kaise nibhana hai kaise balance karna hai that is the hardest part but i have seen ppl do it. So, if one person can do it that means we are all capable of such actions!
