Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
^^^ You have nailed it Rukhsar:)
Pyari: I actually had a love/arrange marriage and my hubby is the only son so that is the biggest problem my mil has. She has not accepted the fact that her only son is married and is actually happy! But, he just does not see the double standards. He thinks his family is very angelic...............but one day he will figure out the truth!
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
errr not always.
I have a question. I’ve seen families prioritize their Son in Law, but they couldnt give two shiits about their Daughter in Law? Even the mothers who are obsessed with their sons..its so weird. And i never understood why.
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
Pyari: I actually had a love/arrange marriage and my hubby is the only son so that is the biggest problem my mil has.
that explains it Mahru!
I think Chameli is facing the same problem.
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
rukhsar, I don't think I agree since I had a "love" marriage but my husband tends to love his mother a little bit more cuz he just ignores all of the snobbish things my MIL does. To him she is a saint and can never make mistakes.
I do think that some desi guys are mama's boys in the positive sense but it ends up being a very negative thing after they get married.
Well maybe it might be because my husband is an only child too
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
I do think that some desi guys are mama's boys in the positive sense but it ends up being a very negative thing after they get married.
not some but Majority :D
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
So mahru's husband is an only child too huh. That's really interesting.....
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
Rukhsarbibi: you're right, I take that back, the husband needs to be smart about how he deals with his family and his wife.
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
:-)
or we can twist him like a pretzel ;-)
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
Mahru, I feel sorry for you, but try to forget the past and look forward and enjoy your time with your hubby instead. your mil is miles away!!!keep the distance also mentally :)
My fiancee is a strong and straight forward person but I guess that when it comes to his family he is very diplomatic, and thats where I think that we desi girls are much more demanding than what we can get out of the men.
We expect the guy to tell us explicitly that yes, my mother really messed up and I will tell her to stop. However, the guys want us girls to keep having a good impression of him family despite a few situations with the in laws and they dont tell their families directly to stay away from the couple's private matters. Instead they try to find other ways to aviod talking about the issue or somehow be diplomatic in their approach.
Like my sil is very nosy person and asks my fiancee about how er going to live, if he is getting an appartment (she proposed to buy a big house so we all could live together!!) and she always has an agenda for her questions about our private life. He sometimes just ignores her questions and other times only answers what he finds important. I on the other hand would really appreciate if he could just tell her to mind her own business, but that I guess will be too harsh unless there is a specific situation leading to the need of just letting her know to back off. I have become more distant to her cuz of her behaviour in the past year.
My MIL is just bossy and my fiancee has his way of dealing with her, and again it doesnt involve any direct indication of not being nosey.
I think guys have much more responsilibty to make things work between their mothers, sisters and wifey...
Maybe thts y we as girls should be patient for a while and see how things develop. Patience is a virtue. sometimes its just hard.....
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
Strangely, most of you girls never realise that you are a sister to a married brother as well. You never find yourself and your mother to be on the wrong end when it comes to your Bhabis. How come it is statistically possible that all you married girls here have evil MILs and SILs while none of you and your mothers are at fault with your Bhabis/Bahus.
How would you girls like your brothers to treat your mother if she was interferring in your brother's family matters? Politely, rudely or aggressively???
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
Spot On… I second it.
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
I am with mr.witch dr too :o
How would u like it chameli if you were recently divorced and your bhabhi didn't want your brother to support you? That too with a kid.
How can you expect him to tell his mom off for a freaken wedding dress? Would you tell your mom off?
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
How would you girls like your brothers to treat your mother if she was interferring in your brother's family matters? Politely, rudely or aggressively???
^i was having the same thought :D
but i have to agree that desi mils tend to be Xtra nice to their soninlaws and their families. whereas bahus and their families' feelings are not given any importance. No wonder u dun see guyz complaining abt their mils lolz, this thread is proof!!
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
[quote=Chameli420]
My fiancee is a strong and straight forward person but I guess that when it comes to his family he is very diplomatic, and thats where I think that we desi girls are much more demanding than what we can get out of the men.
quote]
that is actually a good trait to have- he respects his mother therfore doesnt want to talk bad (even if he knows the truth) about his mother to his future wife. The best way to know how he is really like is to watch, how he treats his mom and other female members. Chances are he is goin to treat you like that in future. I say, you are very lucky to have a fiancee like him:k:
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
^ yuppp..... after watching my husband and devar i realised they balance
their wives and mom by not highlighting one's negative traits to da other.
so yes husbands do play a very important role in how dil/mil relationship turns out to be.
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
WitchDr,
I've often thought about that and i get a bit envious of my sweet bhabhi's situation:) . The first few years after my brother got married, my parents spoiled my babhi with expensive gifts and just made sure she wouldn't miss her family too much. They've always been extra careful of how they treat babhi and her parents. When her parents came to visit the US for the first time, they took them on tours so their trip would be memorable for them.
So the most important thing is for both sides to treat the other with a lot of respect! It shouldn't just be the Daughter in law's job.
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
thats a pretty harsh term torture. this is true torture. 
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
Lollypop: Every situation is different and you just can't judge ppl by what they have written. You really have to go through it to understand and i don't blame you for not understanding. One day...maybe one day you will understand!
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
I agree with u Mahru
Re: Guide for dealing with in laws
^ Thanks, Chameli! Aik aurat ka dard dosri aurat hi samajh sakti hai!