Goris vs. Desans

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Goris vs. Desans

In general, I have noticed men show more respect and kindness to women belonging to a different racial background (maybe because they don't know what may offend them?) I don't think it only applies to Desi men. I have seen White men treating East Asian women a whole lot better and black men treating women of any other race than their own much better. I think it's a universal rule that's understood among all men that if a woman is of a different race, she is to be treated better than a woman of his own race. This is confusing but I have seen that among all races.

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Okay, some reasons why desi men might go for a gori:

They simply fell in love and this gori girl happened to actually be a nice person.

The guy didnt click with any desi girls he met so therefore dismissed them as all being too "desi" or whatever. And then started dating gori girls.

Gori girl will not question a long term relationship for a long time and wont demand or expect marriage to come out of it...whereas a desi girl will feel the need to legalize her relationship as soon as possible. So, in this case goris may be more easy going.

Some reasons I see these unions not working out:

Eventually, goris get tired of living a double life: their life and the guy's desi life. For some, its just not meant to be.

Most are expected to convert and some years later...after the romance has died down they feel the need to return to their old selves again.

Too much of a clash on how to raise children. Children eventually becoming a lost cause.

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Re: Goris vs. Desans

Love is blind . :D

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Re: Goris vs. Desans

I think this goes both ways. I prefer Gorai.

The ones who are brought up well.

- Are polite, gentlemen.
- Know how to treat women
- Are cultured and able to hold conversations and be fun
- know how to conduct themselves in public, something that many of our brothers in brown are incapable of..hanging out with them can be just humiliating
- Appreciate cultural differences
- are generally less baggaged. Dont usually have mummy issues and are used to making autonomous decisions
- ie are independent
- appreciate the same in a woman..not as easily intimidated.

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Desi guys tend to think they can get away with more with a desi wife, obviously she's less likely to walk out and if she does more than likely her parents will ask her to go back, often even if he's been unfaithful, or at the very least tell her to give him another chance. The thought of having a divorced daughter that ppl might talk about and who might not remarry petrifies a lot of them..

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I don't think they usually lead a double life, what I've seen is that they tend to become attached to one particular culture which tends to come down to their surroundings.. my mum is part white but was brought up in Bangladesh and her culture, morals etc are totally Bengali and Muslim, she even wears hijab now, my cousin married an English guy, they live in a totally white part of London and he's retained his English culture while another one of our friends married an English guy, settled in a desi area and he's become totally Muslim, prays 5 times a day, learned Urdu and can even cook desi dishes lol.. I really do think most ppl are drawn to one culture rather than trying to keep up the balancing act of two completely different ones and as long as neither parents are particularly rigid the children tend to turn out normal, I've seen enough mixed marriages to notice the incidence of 'out of control' or 'confused' mixed-race kids seems to be no more than British-born Pakistanis, Bengalis or whatever.. Unfortunately Pakistani culture, prob cos of its tribal nature, tends to be suspicious of 'outsiders' whether it's a person of a different caste, colour or nationality, this irrational need to stay within their 'own' is really unhealthy imo

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Re: Goris vs. Desans

just yesterday i saw this movie about a family living in glasgow ... and how their only son (engaged to his khala's daughter, with all that arranged thing) falls in love with a gori and at the end goes to her, leaving his parents/family in complete shambles ..
now ... there were a lot of faults at various levels of various family members ... but i honestly felt that there needs to be a more open-mindedness towards the acceptance of bi-racial/religious/cultural relationships since it is (for one) absolutely accepted by our religion. It really irritated me of how the father kept saying what will the community say ... how the guy's elder sister's engagement broke off cuz the son of the family had chosen to run away with a gori (forced to run away, since she was not being accepted) ...
how striking it is that each person is part of the same bloody community .. how ignorant of us to not mend our ways ... if not that family, then another family, and everyone would be pointing fingers ... WHY is there a need to point fingers? why cant we trust people with the choices they make ... why must the new generation always be forced into their decisions by the elders ... why is their such a massive community burden??? why cant we just let people be?
if the relationship ends up being good ... well good for the couple .... if it ends up going bad ... SO WHAT ... not like there arent enough bad/finished marriage within the community as well !!!

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Re: Goris vs. Desans

Some of you men (i.e. CM) are simply trolling, and so I’ll ignore your comments completely, until you decide to come back and give some serious answers.

Some of the advantages you guys listed of why goris are better, simply make no sense to me:

  1. Nice. So, are you saying desi girls are not nice? Have you tried speaking to desi girls, or are you one of those guys who hides behind a computer and chokes on his coke at a dawat when a girl smiles at you, and then fumbles for words? Try talking to girls. I get the sense that desi girls are SO WELL RAISED. They are NICE.

  2. Intellectually stimulating conversation. Don’t BS me. Desi girls are being educated left and right, and in fact, it is YOUR families who propose rishtas to these girls and then ask them to drop their jobs so they can take care of munni and munna. So who is shaping women to be less intellectually stimulating? Your families. Tell them to accept a vivacious witty woman for what she is and leave well enough alone. Oh wait, I forget. You don’t have the guts to face your mommies and tell them that. But then why do you guys get the cahoonas to do so if the girl is WHITE, all of a sudden? :hoonh: You want an intellectually stimulating desi women, there are so many out there waiting for good proposals, so there should be no problem from YOUR side as a guy to find one of those.

  3. She’ll accept that you’re not a high paid doctor, engineer, etc. Not true. A white girl, just as much as a Pakistani girl, will have finances on her mind. And evidence suggests otherwise. Most Pakistanis live in poverty, and MOST Pakistani girls do get married to Pakistani boys. In fact, a way HIGHER proportion of Paksitani girls will marry into a paki family as oppose to a Pakistany boy marrying another Pakistani girl. So, clearly, Pakistani girls have accepted rishtas that do not have high incomes. Secondly, if your female counterparts are asking that you do better with your life, what is the harm in that? I don’t think any woman would refuse a male professor, or a teacher, or a musician, or an advertisor, or a marketing agent, or an accountant, etc. But they will have a problem if you had all the chances in the world to get educated and your highest aspiration is running a gas station. That’s pretty pathetic, and there are a lot of educated pakistanis in america who are doing this BS. They could have done so much better, but they were too busy acting black in high school and trying to have sex at 17 rather than taking their studies seriously.

  4. She’s open to sex and free about it. I’d like to know how comfortable you would be if your sister behaved like that? But that’s what you want to “marry”? Total nonsense. IF that’s the case, don’t talk ill of the girls who are sexually expressive. If I got sexually expressive with anyone here, I’d be badmouthed over MSN and every guy who would know how free PCG is. You guys know that very well. So, then why don’t you accept when a desi is sexually free? It’s okay if a gori does it, not okay if a desi girl does it - and then with that standard YOU SET, you hold it against the desi girl. How fair is that?

It’s like you guys set up social expectations for desi girls, and then EXPECT to not like them if they actually follow what you want them to do. You are setting up desi girls for failure.

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Thank-you for being honest. You have been taught that the brown skin and the features that go with it are UGLY. Your grandparents were taught that by the British. They have passed that onto you, when they say that fair pakistani is better looking than the dark pakistani.

But guess what? MOST of you all are DARK. Dark by comparison to a caucasian for sure.

So you automatically throw all the desi girls into a "ugly" basket, and all the "white" girls into a pretty basket.

I've noticed desi guys marry white girls who sure, are white, but they have very plain simple bordering on not so pretty features. You compare that to a BEAUTIFUL pakistani girl with solid olive skin, flawless moisturized skin, pretty features, nicely-shaped lips, trimmed eyebrows, pretty dark eyes with long lashes (all of which WHITE guys friggin DIE FOR), and on top of that she has some nice degree, IS educated, CAN carry a good conversation, and you will not give her a chance?

THAT, my friends, is total nonsense. You boys want white girls because you were taught THAT is pretty. Not because it actually is.

Khair, what goes around, comes around. Ya'll boys are gonna have daughters and some of you have sisters, and good luck in finding a guy for them who doesn't think like you.

What scares me is that in this thread, not ONE guy, (even TLK who is MARRIED to a desi thinks white girls are better, and openly says this with his wife reading it) is defending the beauty and wit of desi girls.

You all are a sad bunch.

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Itne lambe lambe posts :khumar:

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Re: Goris vs. Desans

i think this post is bringing out the worst in people and everyone just seems to be trolling. Reha and hitchki are having their own thing. I don't even who CM was arguing with and wat it was about. PCG came down and basically pretty much blasted all the points where she had ammo and left with not even a word about some of the things that are good about the white culture. I mean guys grow up. I think it just depends on the individual. To be honest if i like some desi grl i'll treat her better than any white chick and if I like a white grl then i'll treat her better than any desi chick. its as simple as that. Once the relationship progresses then its upto to her to earn more and retain this level of respect. if she turns out to be a spoiled brat (whether desi or gori) i'll treat her like how she treats me and thats how it is.

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Re: Goris vs. Desans

Oh believe me, I think white culture has some things we could all learn from. For example, how to not spit on your own people and treat them like crap where you elevate others. White people actually will do the exact opposite and are very patriotic about the countries where they hail from. They have no problem in talking to the opposite sex, and they have no problem if the person of the opposite sex can hold a good conversation, does not wear a friggin hijab or burqa, and has a good education. The wont look down upon that kind of women. Whereas too many desi guys WILL not like a girl who is too educated, or speaks her mind, or doesn't want to wear a hijab, and has a good education. Desi guys are intimidated by all this, white guys are not.

We should, for sure, all learn more from white people.

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If the parents dont get along and aren't on teh same page...yes this can happen.

That's probably b/c their parents were on the same page. I think its a safe generalization to say..when parents are on the same page on how to raise their kids, the kids turn out well rounded culturally aware and intelligent. Of course there are exceptions.
This goes for same-race couples, mixed-race couples, any kind of couples.

I find it kinda creepy that people gotta generalize about women, esp with regards t their race and sex. Why should it matter what all other women do, when the only one to worry about is your own wife. Sheesh.

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Re: Goris vs. Desans

The way I see it, I'm glad these guys are marrying white girls and not just using them and giving them false hope. At least they making a commitment to these women. This scenario is preferable to desi guys sleeping around and then finding themselves a nice desi, virgin, bride.

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Re: Goris vs. Desans

[note] Thread cleaned. Lets play nice people [/note]

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Re: Goris vs. Desans

Isn't it nice that Pakistani men FLIRT with goris and not desis?

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Re: Goris vs. Desans

LOL

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there's your answer. they feel like gori's look better than desi women, therefore they're more inclined to be protective of, and value their gori wife. it's called the "halo effect", those we find attractive, we tend to attribute more positive characteristics towards.

i also agree with niksik though, i think it's also a self-esteem issue.

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its our fault too.. we desis tend to have the habit of ( and sometimes forced to) 'let it go' MOST of the times .. u cant be unfair with gori for long.. whereas with desans u can be for Yearssss.... gori consider her 'human being' and wants to /demand to be treated 'equally' in relationships whereas mashallah say our desans somehow believe they are 'farishti-yaan and even after 'khaa-ing' 2-4 'jootiyan' by her husbands somehow they will be getting very big plot in jannat... and exactly that whats they pass to their next generation (to daughters, keep your mouth shut and to sons, humnay bhi aisay hi guzara kiya hai tumhari phopi chaachi tai maanmi nay bhi issiliye aapni biwi say bhi yehi expect kero) in the name of 'respect' 'mard tou mard hota hai' waighara waighara...and the very few ones (desans) who tend to raise their voice, u know what they are called in our society...

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:k: