i hate to admit it, but huma you are so right. in pakistan most of us girls have been totally spoilt and pampered at our homes with so many servants and maids around. i have never actually done the dishes or washed any clothes let alone even vacuum the carpets.
so i do have my qualms about settling, when id move to Uk after shadi IA :( where the entire responsibility lies on the woman's shoulders.
but about wanting independence and alot of demands, that problem in my opinion is more with the pakistani girls settled in the west. coz apart from the araam pasand life in pakistan, we still do have a very huge family circle and still bound by those traditonal ties and joint family systems. so such girls are more willing to adapt and accept interference from inlaws.
this is just generalising. not hitting specifically on any desi brit/US born girl or any pakistani girl living in pak either. exceptions are always there.
A lot of it comes down to parents too. These girls who have maids back home are really pampered and don't lift a finger around the house including cooking and when they land in a foreign country they start complaining. Yes I know it's hard to adjust but come on girls can learn the basics about house keeping from their mums before they get married and move abroad. I know someone who got married to a girl from Karachi and she had naukars etc at home and never lifted a finger. Now she's moved to London and lives with her hubby. She doesn't work or anything because he earns more than enough and she cannot do a single thing around the house let alone cobble together a decent meal. Most days they eat out or at his mums house. IMO her mum should have taught her how to cook etc and stop being lazy once she became engaged instead of relying on naukars 24/7.
Seriously, not all girls from Pakistan are like this. In fact, i've seen very few. Most of them do adjust fairly well .... at least the ones I have seen here. Yeah, I will admit that their cleaning habits are not exactly how we would clean, but at least they try.
A lot of it comes down to parents too. These girls who have maids back home are really pampered and don't lift a finger around the house including cooking and when they land in a foreign country they start complaining. Yes I know it's hard to adjust but come on girls can learn the basics about house keeping from their mums before she got married and moving abroad. I know someone who got married to a girl from Karachi and she had naukars etc at home and never lifted a finger. Now she's moved to London and lives with her hubby. She doesn't work or anything because he earns more than enough and she cannot do a single thing around the house let alone cobble together a decent meal. Most days they eat out or at his mums house. IMO her mum should have taught her how to cook etc and stop being lazy once she became engaged instead of relying on naukars 24/7.
Some ABCD's do the same....they don't know how to cook or sew. People are lazy in general. Leave them in the wild, they''l learn how to survive.
U know its funny...we can find alot of girls exactly like this....who think a woman has every right to be lazy and immature.
In my personal experience, i have NEVER seen a desi woman who isn't into keeping her home, cleaning and stuff, whether shes raised in Pakistan or US etc.
I'm a lazy housewife and I'm spoiled but I would never want to paint all ABCDs like that because I know ABCDs who are much much better housekeepers than I am.
So what if these girls are lazy, don't know how to get a meal ready and are eager to break apart families. At least they are not those girls from the West who talk back to their husbands, have their own opinions, are too independent, can drive themselves anywhere, want to work OUTSIDE of the house and then have the audacity to expect their husbands to help them with their chores!!
I think its not only women who need to get use to this American culture of ''work'' but men face the same problem . Last year I was working with a group of Pakistani students from remote northern areas of Pakistan , and their biggest question was ''Nomi bahi , app itnaa kaam kasay kertay han ?" . From being on time to do their daily chores was a constant struggle for them .
Any student who came here will agree with me that first few months are really hard . As we have to get use to Cooking , Cleaning , and actually doing stuff with our own hands .
Same goes with women I guess . But then they have their husbands to relay on . From an environment of total luxury to getting up and doing it with your hands is hard . Plus usually the women who come to America from Pakistan are from Upper Middle Class . They are already spoiled enough to learn this new way of life .
It depends from person to person that how quickly they can learn , but husband should give them some time to adjust . Let them fall and experience America . Getting them into a school is even better , where they can learn from others and not just from their husband .
wow @ some of the responses, but i would like to ask what is the problem in a girl being independent or able to drive anywhere or yeah WORK?
However i do agree with the fact that if the girl comes to the west away from her luxurious life and she wants to be a house wife the least she can do is take care of the house and the kitchen, i dont mean to be a chauvenist but seriously help in someway, cuz sooner or later things are bound to get ugly cuz there is only so much a person can tolerate :k:
Hareem, relax, u got some valid points but murder is haraam too
So what if these girls are lazy, don't know how to get a meal ready and are eager to break apart families. At least they are not those girls from the West who talk back to their husbands, have their own opinions, are too independent, can drive themselves anywhere, want to work OUTSIDE of the house and then have the audacity to expect their husbands to help them with their chores!!
Awesome. Before reading this I was upset that my glass was half empty. Now I'm so happy that at least it's half full.
@ some of the responses, but i would like to ask what is the problem in a girl being independent or able to drive anywhere or yeah WORK?