The past is the past and needs to stay there. She is starting a new life and needs to leave her mistakes behind her.
People dont forget these things...and sometimes in the heat of the moment it slips out in a very hurtful manner...then she is back at square one again...facing those demons she spent so long running away from.
Tell her to think of the people around her. Will telling the truth hurt them or help them right now? It will undoubtedly hurt them...
I can't agree more with all of your post specially that last line.
Seriously, it would definitely put a sour taste in my mouth if my husband on our wedding night out of nowhere starts confessing all his sins to me and his sexual history. Not a good way to start a marriage people. Where is the common sense? If he didnt ask, there’s no need to tell. Why bring up something like that and ruin an otherwise perfect start to your life together as man and wife? You dont see men asking these nonsensical type questions, so why women even think of such moronic obligations to tell their husbands everything is beyond me. A broken hymen should not be the basis of a marriage to work or fail as others here are implying. Jesus Christ people stop being so jahil!
who said she did it with half her high school????? it could be very possible that they were in a very long term relationship and things happen... her husband does not need to know all that.. it happened long ago, obviously she's over him, hopefully she's repented for it, and by bringing it up again she's possibly setting herself up for big trouble. Totally unnecessary. God is the only judge, the one who knows everything, her husband is not Allah that she needs to inform him of everything and look for his mercy or approval... gimme a break!
who said she did it with half her high school????? it could be very possible that they were in a very long term relationship and things happen... her husband does not need to know all that.. it happened long ago, obviously she's over him, hopefully she's repented for it, and by bringing it up again she's possibly setting herself up for big trouble. Totally unnecessary. God is the only judge, the one who knows everything, her husband is not Allah that she needs to inform him of everything and look for his mercy or approval... gimme a break!
God is the only judge ??? lol
Marry me , when ever I cheat and get caught. Guess what I am going to tell you ??
lol "God is the only judge"
There was a thread here, not too long ago, about a happily married guy who left his wife after he found out that his coworker had an affair with her in the past. A little honesty can prevent such a scenario.
no cuz thats what goes down DURING the marriage... what she did was BEFORE... it doesnt affect her husband... no connection whatsoever.
Try harder. Dimwit.
Jokes aside.
Girls are very uncomfortable with their very fulfilling past.
Best lies they could come up with is "accidentally broke it"
At least 4-5 of my sister in this thread have mentioned it.
Guys do get hurt too you know.
I can't share too many details. I have seen guys depressed. Girls faking pain on first night.
List goes on and on.
Girls usually think what every they do is always right. But thats not always the case.
A broken hymen could also mean a lying dirt bag who promised her the world and then left her as soon as he got what he wanted.
Or did you not consider that aspect of the nature of the male species???
A hate those M-Fs. I know even in pakistan boys used to do that to girls.
BUT
I have also heard girls, along with their Ex-BFs, making fun of their husbands about not finding it out.
I know this ABCD girl who came to pakistan looking for a match.
She got married and went back. When guy got to to US. On their way from air port to home. Girl told him that she had lived with a black guy.
Had a daughter with him.
BUT
She also said "you married me to get here so you free to go but I know I was young than I made mistake and I regret every day of my life"
You know what that FOB had such big heart he still accepted her as his wife.
Now imagine that
Same girl in the bed with FOB. And telling him "oh I was playing basket ball what that happened"
There are a lot of generalizations, assumptions and plain dumbness going on in this thread.
I can not tell her what to do but if I was in her position I would tell that person way before nikkah. If the guy then decides not to go ahead with shaddi then it is also better for the girls not to marry that guy. But it is just my way of doing things because I think it would be unfair for any person guy or girl who went into a relationship with a certain assumption to know otherwise. If however, the girl herself thinks that there is no need to tell the guy about her past as she is done with it then that’s alright too.
Now to all morons who think THERE WILL BE BLOOD do yourselves some good and enroll in some upper division human physiology class. And special note to Mr. Jimmy that a young girl’s Vagina muscle are very tight and unless she has given birth, you won’t be able to know about her virginity. (Given that she is a good actress).
On a side note... a request plz refrain to use derogatory terms for women.
Jokes aside.
Girls are very uncomfortable with their very fulfilling past.
Best lies they could come up with is "accidentally broke it"
At least 4-5 of my sister in this thread have mentioned it.
Guys do get hurt too you know.
I can't share too many details. I have seen guys depressed. Girls faking pain on first night.
List goes on and on.
Girls usually think what every they do is always right. But thats not always the case.
Jokes aside Jimmy, men lie to get what they want.
You realize this girl we are discussing was heartbroken and left to get over her pain BY A MAN???!!!
*She didnt break her hymen herself Jimmy - some MAN did it for her. *
A man was right there with her when that happened and had equal part in it...a man that looked, walked, talked and acted just like you. So before you go pointing fingers and call a woman names because she trusted a man's lies...look at your own sex and be ashamed because it was probably a MAN who did that to her.
You realize this girl we are discussing was heartbroken and left to get over her pain BY A MAN???!!!
*She didnt break her hymen herself Jimmy - some MAN did it for her. *
A man was right there with her when that happened and had equal part in it...a man that looked, walked, talked and acted just like you. So before you go pointing fingers and call a woman names because she trusted a man's lies...look at your own sex and be ashamed because it was probably a MAN who did that to her.
DONT FORGET THAT.
not all are same, men
both the man and women shud be crtisized
but in this senerio man is not in the picture, who broke hymen
the man here is husband to be
and the issue here is not tht mans character
so no point talking abt it
but the dilema of this girl
so stay focused ppl, dont assume and judge and bring in new character
i read some where
Allah like em and forgive em who repent
and Allah might forgive all the sins except shirk
so repent and ask for guidance and be patient
What the hell is the big deal anyway? Do we expect men to tell us such things? And how many men do tell anyway? It would never even cross their minds. Why women place undue burdens such as these upon themselves is a mystery to me. Dont make it an issue and it wont be an issue.
I strongly agree! and plus not all girls have a hymen and for some girls it could break due to many reasons so blood is no proof of the girl being a virgin
There are a lot of generalizations, assumptions and plain dumbness going on in this thread.
I can not tell her what to do but if I was in her position I would tell that person way before nikkah. If the guy then decides not to go ahead with shaddi then it is also better for the girls not to marry that guy. But it is just my way of doing things because I think it would be unfair for any person guy or girl who went into a relationship with a certain assumption to know otherwise. If however, the girl herself thinks that there is no need to tell the guy about her past as she is done with it then that’s alright too.
Now to all morons who think THERE WILL BE BLOOD do yourselves some good and enroll in some upper division human physiology class. And special note to Mr. Jimmy that a young girl’s Vagina muscle are very tight and unless she has given birth, you won’t be able to know about her virginity. (Given that she is a good actress).
On a side note... a request plz refrain to use derogatory terms for women.
Best Reply....
I didnt expect so many ppl here to think that every girl bleeds that is sooo not true.
I know this ABCD girl who came to pakistan looking for a match.
She got married and went back. When guy got to to US. On their way from air port to home. Girl told him that she had lived with a black guy.
Had a daughter with him.
BUT
She also said "you married me to get here so you free to go but I know I was young than I made mistake and I regret every day of my life"
You know what that FOB had such big heart he still accepted her as his wife.
"
If I read between the lines he accepted her because of the reason in red above and she chose most opportune moment to tell him , that FOB could not go back from where he was, he had vested interest. If I be judgmental then I would say that , this FOB might have accepted her even if she had told him before getting married , he needed a green card. People can do anything for green card.
first of all i feel bad for her
but honestly telling her husband myt not b the best idea..
if shes alredy asked for forgiveness then move on and foregt it ever happened
People who suggest it's no big deal need a reality check. It's a HUGE freaking deal IF one thinks it's not a big deal and the other does.
It's unfair that she has physical evidence for her past misdeeds. Yes, it totally sucks that guys can get away with it. Whatever. This isn't a childish game of boys vs girls...and how unfair the boys are...this is about peoples attitudes toward what is regarded as a crime in Islam. That SOME guys get away with it, doesn't mean ALL guys do it...and are insincere about practicing the faith and living by it's principles. So it's very important that one truly understands this particular guy's point of view on the matter, rather than justify/rationalize one's past misdeeds.
if she is truly repentant, and I mean seriously regrets it...not the "oh well, s*it happens", crap...and really likes this person, then she should take the chance and proceed with the marriage, but I'd suggest she not tell him upfront. She should bring up the general topic...and make sure they're both on the same page. For example, if she is repentant, and truly abhors Zina now, she may wish to make note that she has had a major change of heart on the "issue"...she was once okay with it in principle, but now she isn't. That isn't lying, and if she is "found out" after marriage, she'll be in a much better place if she decides to explain her situation in detail. If she still is okay with Zina in principle....and he's dead against it...then she really ought to move on. There's so many ways a general conversation, i.e. one that doesn't admit to her past, can play out, but it should be had...
