Ufffffffffffffffffff,
Everyone is different! Yes a regular desi male would want to marry someone chaste and all pure but THERE ARE some men who can look past their wives' sexual history and love them for who they are.. that is IF the wife is now honest and doesn't want to repeat the same mistake again. To say that EVERY single desi guy is the same, well, he's not. If you look around these so called elite class of Pakistan, you're going to find many and even I know of a few men who know their wives slept around with someone else (even the hubby's friend in some cases) and vice versa. The women are also aware that their husband has had past affairs. With some of them, it might not be a big deal like it's not here with the goras where both husband and wife are okay with not being virgins. That's because these desi people are used to this kind of culture such as drinking, dating/having sex, etc. Heck, even partner swapping is so popular among desis now.
But not everyone's husband is the SAME. If yours is understanding, it doesn't mean other men out there would be all fine and dandy with it also. Even in Islam, if you have seriously repented, Allah swt CONCEALS your mistakes and you don't need to tell your spouse. But if you want to for the sake of honesty then kudos to you. Let it out in front of your fiance BEFORE you're married and then let him make the decision of whether he wants to be with you or not.
Well said. I know about Baloch culture a majority of them do check the bed sheets. In some families it is even tradition to show the blood stained sheets to the guests who attended the wedding. I know that for a fact because I have many Baloch friends. I don not know about Pathan culture but it is not entirely different than the Baloch culture.
They do not care what science says about bleeding on the wedding night. It is their tradition and custom and any kind of enlightenment and modernism can not change it.
When it comes to Pakistani men , they can tolerate if they marry a gory but when it comes to marrying a Pakistani girl they want her to be 100 percent virgin.
I know for sure because I am myself a Pakistani man , I was born and raised in Pakistan and still I am in contact and in touch with other Pakistani males. If Pakistani males cannot accept the fact that moon sighting can be accurately predicted with the help of science , you expect them to accept the fact that a Pakistani girl was so modern and open minded that she had sex before marriage with her own free will and she is so open minded that she wants to come clean about it before marriage. I do not think you will find one Pakistani male so open minded and tolerant. They will not marry even a rape victim if they come to know of it. In a society and culture where even a rape victim or a child born out of wedlock are untouchables you expect a girl to come clean and be accepted , not a chance.
He is uncertain of his wife’s virginity because there was no bleeding
I got married about five months ago and intercourse with my wife was difficult at first, but she did not bleed until now. I do not know if she was a virgin or if something happened that I do not know about – Allaah forbid – especially since she was engaged before I got to know her, to a young man who is known for his immoral ways such as drinking, taking drugs and committing zina.
Please advise us, may Allaah reward you. I do not want to wrong or be wronged, but the Shaytaan is not leaving me alone.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]Praise be to Allaah.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]Firstly:
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]You should note that the shaytaan is extremely keen to cause division between a man and his wife. It is narrated in a saheeh report that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Iblees places his throne on the water, then he sends out his troops, and those who are the closest in status to him are those who cause the most tribulation (fitnah). One of them comes and says, ‘I did such and such,’ and he says, ‘You have not done anything.’ Then one of them comes and says, ‘I did not leave him alone until I caused division between him and his wife.’ Then he brings him close to him and says, ‘How good you are.’” Narrated by Muslim, 5023.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]In order for the shaytaan to reach this objective of his, there are many methods he uses to reach a man, one of which is creating doubt about his wife’s chastity.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]Secondly:
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]You should also note that the fact that a woman does not bleed the first time she has intercourse does not necessarily mean that the woman has been unchaste, because the hymen may be elastic and there is no bleeding when intercourse takes place, as has been stated by doctors.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]It may also be broken for many reasons other than intercourse, such as sports, jumping and so on.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]Moreover, the blood that is usually expected may be only one or two drops, and this blood may come out mixed with other secretions, so the man does not see it because it is not visible.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]For all of these reasons and others, it is not permissible for a man to doubt his wife’s chastity because she does not bleed when he first has intercourse with her. The fact that there is no bleeding does not mean that she is not chaste, just as the presence of bleeding does not mean that she is chaste, because some women have surgery to repair the hymen.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]If your wife is a chaste woman and is religiously committed and of good character, then you should not let the shaytaan have any way of getting to you and spoiling your life. Seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed shaytaan, and do not doubt your wife without any clear proof.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]May Allaah bless you both, and join you together in goodness, and divert the plot of the shaytaan away from you.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]See also the answer to question no. 40278 for more information.
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]And Allaah knows best
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]
well im glad u finally agree jimmy. btw jimmy kimbel is my fav comedian.
whatttttttttttt
I didn't agree or any thing
All I am saying is we Paki males have our pride(as MIrch said).
We don't want girls(wives) to be fooling around us.
Its
NOT all about getting low mileage girl. Its about getting honest ones.
unless shes honest the marriage isnt valid and becomes void
also 2 of the fundementals upon which marriage or any relationship are based on are trust and honesty, which she seems to wanna break right from the start
In this specific scenario, what he doesnt know...wont hurt him.
Tell her to keep this secret with her to her grave, never say a word about this to anyone and spend the rest of her life being the best partner a man could ask for.
i dont know about this issue but if i have never been engaged in any physical intercourse before marriage, i would certainly want my future wife to be virgin too. Plain and simple.. its another story whether she tell me the truth or lie.. ( ofcourse if i happen to marry a girl who is not virgin , i wouldnt make a huge fuss out of it.. ).. and this is the reason why i always pray to Allah in my prayers to bless me with a wife in whose eyes i can find peace and happiness. Now go ahead.. call me narrow minded or whatever..
a man no matter how open minded he is will never accept a girl who is not virgin. Just like women wont accept a guy ! .. now im not saying here that one should give divorce as soon as he figures out that his wife is not virgin or anything like that.. im just telling you the mentality of any good desi man.
ok people...the thing here is - did the guy ASK her??? He didnt (as far as we know). So perhaps it isnt that important to the guy. If it was THAT important, he'd ask. If he DOES ask, she should answser honestly.
not really psquared, people should be accountable for their mistakes. If you didn't have discipline and punishments you couldn't run the world. If someone murders someone should we let allah judge them and let them carry on living there life becos they repented? If someone rapes someone should we let allah judge them and let them carry on living there life becos they repented?
Any man can tell when his being intimate with a women, whether its her fist time by her body language and how comfortable she is.
I don't have a problem with women choose to do it, i just have a problem with women who choose to hide it and/or lie about it.
So if you feel no guilt do as you may, you should just be aware that your actions can have future consequences for you
Ok, let me get this right. Her fiance knows that she had a Boyfriend but doesn't know the extent of the relationship? Isn't the word "Boyfriend" enough or is their another meaning to it that I don't know about?
I'm kind of surprised at the complete lack of understanding about the question/problem here. The thing is....the gal is not a virgin. The guy did NOT ask her about any previous sexual experience even though he knows that she had a previous relationship. SO ... the gal is wondering whether she should just haul off and TELL him.
Since he's not asking, either he doesnt want to know, it isnt important to him or he already knows and doesnt care. If it were a matter of importance to him, HE WOULD ASK. Somehow, I think it would be rude to make a sort of confession and tell him about it.
If he DOES ask and she lies about it, then she is wrongwrongwrong. Otherwise, say nada, reply with honesty if asked and just go on with life in an honest and upright way.
I'm kind of surprised at the complete lack of understanding about the question/problem here. The thing is....the gal is not a virgin. The guy did NOT ask her about any previous sexual experience even though he knows that she had a previous relationship. SO ... the gal is wondering whether she should just haul off and TELL him.
Since he's not asking, either he doesnt want to know, it isnt important to him or he already knows and doesnt care. If it were a matter of importance to him, HE WOULD ASK. Somehow, I think it would be rude to make a sort of confession and tell him about it.
If he DOES ask and she lies about it, then she is wrongwrongwrong. Otherwise, say nada, reply with honesty if asked and just go on with life in an honest and upright way.
In desi culture, if a guy doesn't ask, it doesn't mean that its not important to him or that he doesn't want to know. In desi culture, its a given that the girl is virgin. So, I don't agree with you that becuase he didn't ask, its not important to him.
On the other hand, she mentioned that he knows she had a boyfriend. That ends the conflict right there. She obviously didn't have a brotherlly relationship with her BF. Unless, he is a recent-immigrant naive pind (village) type guy, he KNOWS.
If he DOES ask and she lies about it, then she is wrongwrongwrong. Otherwise, say nada, reply with honesty if asked and just go on with life in an honest and upright way.
In desi culture, if a guy doesn't ask, it doesn't mean that its not important to him or that he doesn't want to know. In desi culture, its a given that the girl is virgin. So, I don't agree with you that becuase he didn't ask, its not important to him.
On the other hand, she mentioned that he knows she had a boyfriend. That ends the conflict right there. She obviously didn't have a brotherlly relationship with her BF. Unless, he is a recent-immigrant naive pind (village) type guy, he KNOWS.
I agree with the first part but not the second- just because you're dating someone or have a 'boyfriend' doesn't mean everyone sleeps with them or get physical. There IS one such thing as staying in limits and many people do that because they have morals. Liking someone is not against Islam, acting on your lustful thoughts is.
In this specific scenario, what he doesnt know...wont hurt him.
Tell her to keep this secret with her to her grave, never say a word about this to anyone and spend the rest of her life being the best partner a man could ask for.
:)
And this is the only advice which is given by desi relationship experts all the time. I agree with it 100%. They even go to the extent that later on if the guy wants to blackmail her or her husband finds out some other way she should outright deny it. But before anybody does that she should make sure that her ex does not have any kind of proof of his misdeeds and her mistakes. If he has no proof then truth in this case is not going to help anybody. And if the ex has proof then the truth or lie will not save the marriage only the fate of the girl will save it.
The past is the past and needs to stay there. She is starting a new life and needs to leave her mistakes behind her.
People dont forget these things...and sometimes in the heat of the moment it slips out in a very hurtful manner...then she is back at square one again...facing those demons she spent so long running away from.
Tell her to think of the people around her. Will telling the truth hurt them or help them right now? It will undoubtedly hurt them...
