this is seriously barbaric. no one should be checking for blood stains. most women dont bleed during intercourse the first time. this is a fallacy, it is retarded.
and another thing so many pakistani guys i know are 100% in love and ok with their wives who have slept with others, etc. their are great open minded pakistani guys out there and they are not all the way described here. i would never fear my husband unless i WRONGED him. sleeping with someone before knowing him is not wronging him it is wronging yourself and Allah (swt)'s teachings. It is something that your husband has no right to pass judgement on you for. He loves YOU for you, not for what mistakes you may or may not have made. You should not be marrying someone who you would fear telling this to. you should marry someone who accepts you and loves you for your entirety as a collective being not as someone who can be seperated by individual actions.
First of all checking sheets isn't anyone's biz not even u're MIL's! A hymen is NOT a 100% proof of virginity anyway.. I wudn't even let anyone in the room to begin with the next morning.. the situation is def difficult, don't just tell him straight-up ..but if he does ask then be honest with him!
Is it obligatory to inform spouse of previous sins and misconduct
A woman says she married a virtuous man. But she had committed things before marriage that Allah disapproves of. Now her conscience pricks her. She would like to know if it is necessary for her to confess to her husband what she used to do before marriage?
[FONT=‘Traditional Arabic’]No, it is not necessary for either of the two spouses to inform the other of what they used to do before their marriage. Let he or she who happens to have fallen in such evils conceal himself or herself just as Allah has concealed them. A true repentance should suffice.
As for he who married a virgin, but it became apparent to him at consummation that she is not so for reasons of promiscuity committed before marriage, then he has the to take back the mahr (dower) he paid her and separate from her. Nevertheless, if he finds that she has truly repented, then if he keeps it confidential and conceals the matter and retains her in marriage, surely he will be rewarded for it by Allah
You have to understand culture that people live in before you advise them apparently you have failed to show that for a second!! Do you even know how pathans live? Do you have any understanding of what kind of strict rules they live by when it comes to issues as sensitive as having sex before marriage and then going over and declaring it openly to your FUTURE hubby?
What she did was HER past, not her hubby's. She is not a car or something that previous accidents need to be reported fair and square... she is a PERSON who made mistakes and should not have pay for them for rest of her life.
Stop spending too much time with goras... who when they find out their 14 year old daughter is pregnant go like "gee what should i do **now..."
Well said. I know about Baloch culture a majority of them do check the bed sheets. In some families it is even tradition to show the blood stained sheets to the guests who attended the wedding. I know that for a fact because I have many Baloch friends. I don not know about Pathan culture but it is not entirely different than the Baloch culture.
They do not care what science says about bleeding on the wedding night. It is their tradition and custom and any kind of enlightenment and modernism can not change it.
< I just wanna point out specifically to JL that not all paki men have the same disgusting typical paki mentality and I have my husband to prove that. Moreover I know plenty of paki guys born and raised and Pakistan that have married girls that slept with other guys before. It doesn't make it right but just wanted to clear out that it doesn't just happen with " goras" and that some Pakistani men do understand the double standards or merely the mistakes others make. It's wrong to generalize and say that all paki men are the same.
When it comes to Pakistani men , they can tolerate if they marry a gory but when it comes to marrying a Pakistani girl they want her to be 100 percent virgin.
I know for sure because I am myself a Pakistani man , I was born and raised in Pakistan and still I am in contact and in touch with other Pakistani males. If Pakistani males cannot accept the fact that moon sighting can be accurately predicted with the help of science , you expect them to accept the fact that a Pakistani girl was so modern and open minded that she had sex before marriage with her own free will and she is so open minded that she wants to come clean about it before marriage. I do not think you will find one Pakistani male so open minded and tolerant. They will not marry even a rape victim if they come to know of it. In a society and culture where even a rape victim or a child born out of wedlock are untouchables you expect a girl to come clean and be accepted , not a chance.
Actually, the man in question was engaged to another girl AND they lived in the same house - she still moved in before the actual wedding. My cousin doesnt know whether he actually slept with his ex-fiance or not.
Most certianly must have. Who would miss an opportunity like this.
The girls must be honest if she wants the marriage to last . Because marriages must be based on truth and honestly as well a loyalty. She should not fear what will happen.She must do it for her ownself , because now if she doesnt she will always stay in fear and guilt and perhapes after her marriage her ex can also blackmail her in some way. so she must be confident and if shes sorry for what she did and has realized her mistake, is what matters.
Well said. I know about Baloch culture a majority of them do check the bed sheets. In some families it is even tradition to show the blood stained sheets to the guests who attended the wedding. I know that for a fact because I have many Baloch friends. I don not know about Pathan culture but it is not entirely different than the Baloch culture.
They do not care what science says about bleeding on the wedding night. It is their tradition and custom and any kind of enlightenment and modernism can not change it.
When it comes to Pakistani men , they can tolerate if they marry a gory but when it comes to marrying a Pakistani girl they want her to be 100 percent virgin.
I know for sure because I am myself a Pakistani man , I was born and raised in Pakistan and still I am in contact and in touch with other Pakistani males. If Pakistani males cannot accept the fact that moon sighting can be accurately predicted with the help of science , you expect them to accept the fact that a Pakistani girl was so modern and open minded that she had sex before marriage with her own free will and she is so open minded that she wants to come clean about it before marriage. I do not think you will find one Pakistani male so open minded and tolerant. They will not marry even a rape victim if they come to know of it. In a society and culture where even a rape victim or a child born out of wedlock are untouchables you expect a girl to come clean and be accepted , not a chance.
Ignorent people in pakistans such areas, even educated ones are sensitive to such issues, they dont even investigate the issue and butcher the poor girls out of the soo called "honour" huh. and there men can rape and eve tease any girl on the street and get away with it. They literally sell girls to men who will give them money in return , even girls as young as 12. and in Sidh people settle issues of land and others by exchanging girl..How barbaric. God will never forgive such people. may God stop making Girls in there families that will teach a lesson to these Pakistani "hounouable" men. They will burn in Hell.
Interesting discussion going on here and what more interesting is the view points of people. I learned something new: apparently it seems as an age old practice of in-laws and aunties checking the bed sheets for blood stains as proof of wedding night.
Obviously thats incredibly retarted. But moving to the discussion at hand, it depends on how the woman feels and how she thinks its going to effect the marriage. If she feels this thing will haunt her from time to time, then she obviously feels the need to tell her husband-to-be about this. Come clean.
However, if she feels she is over it, and she does not feel that will come back sometime later in life, she would not tell the man. Dont bring age and time and religious doctrines in this context or in any context of life. In this day and age the immoral has become moral, the difference right and wrong is no more. So if the norm of this age is going out nude, and if some one acctually does go out and repents it, 80% of the opinon here is that "we live inthe 21st century, we live on, live and let live". Well lets say the norm in 22nd century is to go of the cliff, the norm will to.
The point: screw the traditions, logic, religion..Whats your moral gound? If you had some moral sence then you would not have engagged in sexual activities in the first place..alright that being said you admit it was a mistake and every one makes mistakes. Fine! You understand what you did. At this point, anyone who has a sence of morality will come clean with her man. He has the right to know. At the same time what ever the man did, her woman has the right to know that as well.
edited. if u had read my post clearly before u replied to it, u would know i said i know pakistani men that were born and raised in paksitan and have married women that have slept with someone else before. they are in love with their wives and have a very healthy marriage.
Well said. I know about Baloch culture a majority of them do check the bed sheets. In some families it is even tradition to show the blood stained sheets to the guests who attended the wedding. I know that for a fact because I have many Baloch friends. I don not know about Pathan culture but it is not entirely different than the Baloch culture.
They do not care what science says about bleeding on the wedding night. It is their tradition and custom and any kind of enlightenment and modernism can not change it.
When it comes to Pakistani men , they can tolerate if they marry a gory but when it comes to marrying a Pakistani girl they want her to be 100 percent virgin.
I know for sure because I am myself a Pakistani man , I was born and raised in Pakistan and still I am in contact and in touch with other Pakistani males. If Pakistani males cannot accept the fact that moon sighting can be accurately predicted with the help of science , you expect them to accept the fact that a Pakistani girl was so modern and open minded that she had sex before marriage with her own free will and she is so open minded that she wants to come clean about it before marriage. I do not think you will find one Pakistani male so open minded and tolerant. They will not marry even a rape victim if they come to know of it. In a society and culture where even a rape victim or a child born out of wedlock are untouchables you expect a girl to come clean and be accepted , not a chance.
If you have any knowledge about a woman's body, you wouldn't be saying this. Which obviously shows that you don't so why don't you DO YOURSELF a favor and read this thread quietly without posting anything because you are very uninformed.
a girl's hymen can break if she is an athelete
a girl's hymen can break during her visit to the gyno
a girl's hymen can break if she has been in an accident
a girl's hymen can break if she rides horses a lot, i.e. horse jockey
and ofcourse there may be other reasons i'm not aware of. so please shut up. just shut up cuz people like u upset me. the next thing u post, please make sure its a bit more humane.
I have to side with Mirch here as I have seen and heard of these things myself - how very important the "pure virgin bride" can be in some circles. That doesnt mean that Mirch necessarily practices or agrees with that point of view, its just stating the state of things kwim?
The ridiculous thing is in that other post, calling a non-virgin an "adulterer". The one who posted that has no clue about what adultery actually is.
All you are doing is telling us the truth about yourself and many other pakistani men. All I am saying is, do not generalize because not ALL paki men are like that as I know many that aren't and I'm sure I'm not the only one that knows decent pakistani men in this world.
I am saying as I see it. Now it is up to you if you want to dream about some fantasy world , so dream on please, my pleasure.
If I tell the truth I am being ridiculous , how ridiculous of you to make such a ridiculous comment without knowing me personally.
i would just like 2 gve my 2 quids worth and yeh i m afraid i will av 2 agree wiv most of the guys on here like JL & Mirch i do not think that she should tell her hubby 2 be the truth be4 or after the wedding, she needs 2 4get about that time of her life and move on from it coz however understanding u think a paki guy might be, the majority of them will not be able to handle this truth.
In my opinion and yeh its just an opinion do not tell him about ure past coz No paki guy wants to think about the fact that their wife has done it wiv some1 else before them and i m glad dat she regrets her mistake and all the best 4 her future.
All you are doing is telling us the truth about yourself and many other pakistani men. All I am saying is, do not generalize because not ALL paki men are like that as I know many that aren't and I'm sure I'm not the only one that knows decent pakistani men in this world.
I am one of those decent Pakistani men :). I am not generalizing either. You might have the chance to to interact with some decent Pakistani men from the circle of your friends or your relatives. The life on the streets is different . The intimate discussion men have when the females are not present is entirely different then what you will hear and see while females are present.
I am a defender of male pride and have had many verbal bouts in these forums with men bashing females . But when it comes to stating this harsh reality and saving one of my sisters from getting burned by being open and honest about her past I want to give her a strong dose of reality .
^ I dont think you are understanding the words I am writing.
I understand you; most paki men will not want to marry a woman that has slept with someone else before.
However, I know pakistani men that have married pakistani women, knowing that they had slept with someone else before.
Regardless of what these men may have spoken to their male friends about, THIS is what they did. They married a woman that wasn't a virgin and they love them.
In addition, I completely agree with you, that most pakistani men will not approve of marrying a non virgin woman and if this girl in question doesnt trust this man than she shouldnt tell him, therefore she shouldnt even marry him because i dont believe its right to lie and hide it from her 'life-partner' for the rest of her life and deceive him.
finally, i still do not think u understand what i am saying. and it's sad because you probably do not know of any man that has been in such a situation and married a woman that wasnt a virgin.
^ I dont think you are understanding the words I am writing.
I understand you; most paki men will not want to marry a woman that has slept with someone else before.
However, I know pakistani men that have married pakistani women, knowing that they had slept with someone else before.
Regardless of what these men may have spoken to their male friends about, THIS is what they did. They married a woman that wasn't a virgin and they love them.
In addition, I completely agree with you, that most pakistani men will not approve of marrying a non virgin woman and if this girl in question doesnt trust this man than she shouldnt tell him, therefore she shouldnt even marry him because i dont believe its right to lie and hide it from her 'life-partner' for the rest of her life and deceive him.
finally, i still do not think u understand what i am saying. and it's sad because you probably do not know of any man that has been in such a situation and married a woman that wasnt a virgin.
**
I will marry a divorced/widowed women NO PROBLEM.
I will marry my long time friend , who slept with a guy. Cuz that guy came into her life for weeks. Lied his ass-off. She wasn't talking to any one about that guy SO she mad a bad choice. I will marry her.
HOW ever
I won't marry a girl who has bn sweet heart of entire school. Can't take a break even weeks befor weeding.
And she plans all day long how to make me fool about losing her virginity.
How about if the girl never prayed a single prayer in her life because she just couldnt be bothered and never fasted any of the fasts of Ramadan because she finds it pointless and never pays zakat or sadaqa because she is greedy..would she be so worried about what her hubby will think? What if the husband watches porn and never lowers his gaze from other women, what if he always deals with interest and earns his living in unlawful ways, would he be awake at night wondering if he should confess this to his wife-to-be?