even if a girl is a virgin, it doesn't mean that there will be blood on the bedsheet the first time she has sex, let alone any blood coming out at all. usually when the hymen breaks, some women bleed a moderate amount, some bleed just a bit and some none at all. for someone to say this girl is not a virgin simply because there was no blood on the bedsheets is the same as saying 'humans and dinosaurs coexisted' -sara palin
if this girl doesnt want her to be spouse to know about it, she doesnt have to tell him. its not like the fiance has asked her about her past relations and the extent of them. so she isnt lying to him, she is merely not informing him of an event in her life.
if it will make her more relax/calm tell her to pretend like she feels a lot of pain when she goes to bed with her husband for the first time?
so far in my life i have not heard of anyone checking the bedsheets for blood
even if the man asks her if she has slept with someone before, its her personal choice to tell him about it. if she wants to be with him and thinks that informing him about sleeping with her bf will drive him away then maybe she wouldnt want to tell him. and even if hes open minded doesnt mean hes westernized. personally i dont think its a big deal, people make mistakes all the time. some may not even consider it a mistake. God! Live and Let Live! < that's my motto. if i were in the situation, and i trusted the person, i would tell him because i dont think i could go thru my life hiding such a big part of my life from the one that i love. however, if u dont trust the person, i say dont tell him and call off the whole wedding and cite 'irreconcilable differences' to ur parents as the reason of calling it off.
Men should never marry twice although its islamically allowed, but girls can fool around, have sex to the heart content before marriage and then marry some ulloo, telling him that she is virgin and he should not even bring the topic of having two wives ..
She should just keep it to herself. Tell her to pretend it never happened and to move on with her life. So she's not a virgin - big deal... Nothing she can't get over. She'll be fine.. Tell her to enjoy her wedding and then her marriage.
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she had one boyfriend in the past, who cheated on her, used her and abused her and duped her with false promises.
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She *failed **the test, so she was dumped. You don't have sex with a guy based on promises in the *future.
As far as telling the hubby, if she wants the rishta to break, then tell the future hubby.
If she wants to be used again potentially, then tell the future hubby. It would be foolish and very stupid if you listen to what sadzz said.... she would prolly NOT tell if she was in this situation her self.
Again, if your intention is to keep the rishta, leave the past as it is and don't advertise it in the future.
Kindly don't bring such issues...its someones personal matter and you should not be discussing like this..
These days when a girl choses to have a boyfriend, she must consider the fact that he can cheat on her anytime. and why did she allow him to touch her. Its her fault. After all men will be men.
Secondly, why is it so important for a girl to be virgin at the time of her marriage, whereas no one asks the husband to be (guy) whether he's a virgin or not. How many girlfriends he had in the past or whom did he sleep with..its never importand coz they can hide or minipulate the girl into believing all sorts of crap about honestly and being a true muslim and stuff.
And these days no one checks any sheets or anything.Its a private thing and I dont think in - laws should be involved.
The girl should simply tell the guy ..if he accepts it good enough.if he doesnt and does not want to marry her. He wasn't worth her. because now in this age ,you need to be realistic .Its better she tells him before marriage becuase these things do come out sooner or later.
and trust me there are guys who are quiet chill about this fact of the girl not being a virgin and they do marry them, she should test the guy. if he loves her ,he would accept her in anyway.
Next time such topics must not be brought out, everyones resposible for his/her conduct, you people are no one to say anything because if you all look into your ownself everyone commits some kind of a sin in his life whether its lieing to people or cheating on them, its worse that adultery. Now she done something she should take the responsibliity rather then brushing it into the carpet.
and girls must be careful themselves, not to give in too much to their boyfriends or any friend whos a guy,there must be a distance. Promices are not to be considered ,you must judge the guy by his actions.
There is no issue about testing ones love.. or why a guy can get away with it and a girl cant..
ur making it seem thats its ok for a girl to do it because a guy can do it and get away with it... thats not the case.. both should be equal and its a shame that thats not the case..
Apparently, you have spent too much time around gora people that you can't and don't understand how desi mind operates. This talk about honesty and open mindedness BS doesn't exist when it comes to issues like this.
You look good writing those kind of things... they are feel good comments that you can write and feel good about your self but sadly very little of it holds any water when other peoples expectations, feelings and traditions are concerned.
If something GOOD is about to happen you DON'T bring something BAD up to ruin it. That is just stupid and foolish and only those who are accustomed to 3 4 5 BFs and GFs before marriage would appreciate that.
For goodness sakes JL, a desi marriage should hold just as much honestly and truth as a "gora" wedding..
its not about having bfs or gfs... its just about open and honest communication with the person you're going to marry... not their family.. not ur family... just you and the person you are going to start a new life with..
next time refrain from making comments about my life that uve no idea about.. thank u
If you don't want people to make comments about your "life" then you should not make comments and advise people which could potentially ruin their lives even further. Next time, please keep your corrupt ideals to your self... you want to tell your hubby you had 10 BFs and had sex with 3, YOU DO THAT, don't tell others who are trying to better their life, start over and make a positive impact on somebody's life that it is the right thing to do.
You have to understand culture that people live in before you advise them apparently you have failed to show that for a second!! Do you even know how pathans live? Do you have any understanding of what kind of strict rules they live by when it comes to issues as sensitive as having sex before marriage and then going over and declaring it openly to your FUTURE hubby?
What she did was HER past, not her hubby's. She is not a car or something that previous accidents need to be reported fair and square... she is a PERSON who made mistakes and should not have pay for them for rest of her life.
Stop spending too much time with goras... who when they find out their 14 year old daughter is pregnant go like "gee what should i do **now..."
< I just wanna point out specifically to JL that not all paki men have the same disgusting typical paki mentality and I have my husband to prove that. Moreover I know plenty of paki guys born and raised and Pakistan that have married girls that slept with other guys before. It doesn't make it right but just wanted to clear out that it doesn't just happen with " goras" and that some Pakistani men do understand the double standards or merely the mistakes others make. It's wrong to generalize and say that all paki men are the same.
I think she should just learn from her past experience and if she has made a mistake she realises it. But I can't beleive in todays time, inlaws will check the bedsheets in the morning after marriage..... does that really happen????? we're pathans too, i dont think it happens, I never knew about this!
P.S. I dont think its necessary for her to tell anyone about her sexual life with her ex boyfriend. Its a very personal thing and she didn't go and cheat on her to-be husband or anything. It happened when he was not even in the picture, so I guess it would be fair to not declare anything like that. Also, such admissions are made only when you go and cheat on your partner, not otherwise yaar.
In the west they just like to talk about sex lol, thats why they will sit potential partner down and tell them all about their past relationships :p
Actually, the man in question was engaged to another girl AND they lived in the same house - she still moved in before the actual wedding. My cousin doesnt know whether he actually slept with his ex-fiance or not.
Well, to be honest i dont think it happens, but i wanna be safe.... in case it does. We were not raised in Pak, so we dnt know what to expect in this regards
I think she should just learn from her past experience and if she has made a mistake she realises it. But I can't beleive in todays time, inlaws will check the bedsheets in the morning after marriage..... does that really happen????? we're pathans too, i dont think it happens, I never knew about this!
I think that she should not lie if she is asked about her sexual history.
But to just come out and tell him, I'd not recommend that. If he doesnt ask, maybe he doesnt want to know. And IDK, if she tells him out of the blue "Hey by the way I'm not a virgin", it kind of seems like she may be rubbing his face in it.
I hate men