If you wanted to carry out your ideas without being held responsible for them then I would call it hedonism, not independence.
Other definition could be surviving on your own, without external help. Anyone can do that if they're subjected to it.
they don't have to subject themselves to become independent and not depend on their parents or husbands in come. What happens when something happens to those you are depending on? How will you know how to support yourself or your family without prior experience?
So basically you're saying people who haven't lived away from their family wouldn't be able to support themselves financially? A lot of financially independent people are losing jobs these days, wonder if they were living alone or with parents? How can you claim to be independent while depending on your job? Okay thread is becoming somewhat stupid now and I'm out of it.
So basically you're saying people who haven't lived away from their family wouldn't be able to support themselves financially? A lot of financially independent people are losing jobs these days, wonder if they were living alone or with parents? How can you claim to be independent while depending on your job? Okay thread is becoming somewhat stupid now and I'm out of it.
Having said that, I don't know why a 25 years old should not be allowed to live alone. I mean a 25 years old is not even considered a "girl".
Exactly.
ok so I see most everybody talking about living alone before they're married...but what about when they get divorced/widowed? Seriously, aside from 1, every single woman I know who wasn't married any more (divorce or death) moved back home with their parents. I understand if they were personally happy doing so (and i want to stress that there's absolutely nothing wrong in doing what YOUR comfortable with)...but I know some who wanted to be alone but faced pressure to move back in. which I think is unfair..I feel that once you're married and have lived on your own (i.e. w/o parents) it's really not easy to go back to living with parents.
Right I think I see where I could have perhaps been more clear … I was not saying that living alone means one is inflexible, but rather many years of living alone becomes a habit that often means marriage would become a burden if done at that stage …like what Sara516 just said in her last post … It’s about what a person gets used to … I am actually agreeing, but perhaps I wasn’t understood … I’ll have to be more careful how I write things … My wife is getting tired defending me on Life1 …
Right I think I see where I could have perhaps been more clear ... I was not saying that living alone means one is inflexible, but rather many years of living alone becomes a habit that often means marriage would become a burden if done at that stage ...like what Sara516 just said in her last post ... It's about what a person gets used to ... .
yeah, no, you brought up the problem of when women live alone, they won't make good mothers or wives. (and I say this with a smile on my face, no anger at all).....when in fact, like many others have said...it's not a gender-exclusive thing.
When a couple gets married and split up, it would be difficult for either one of them to have to live with their parents afterwards. They've built up their own habits.
Hell, even when couples get old, and one dies, very often the surviving spouse will refuse to move in with their grown children, because they're used to living in their own way.
yeah, no, you brought up the problem of when women live alone, they won't make good mothers or wives. (and I say this with a smile on my face, no anger at all).....when in fact, like many others have said...it's not a gender-exclusive thing.
When a couple gets married and split up, it would be difficult for either one of them to have to live with their parents afterwards. They've built up their own habits.
Hell, even when couples get old, and one dies, very often the surviving spouse will refuse to move in with their grown children, because they're used to living in their own way.
Right ... I meant should they want to do so later on after developing a habit of living alone ... And I was trying hard not to generalise too ... But I still have bumps and bruises ...
But you see the premise I came here with was about the Islamic issue ... The husband is duty bound to be the carer for his wife when he is alive ... If he divorces or he dies then the next male mahram has that duty ... Now I'm not saying this mandates her to live with her parents, if she can afford to live alone that is fine I guess ... But there must be some wisdom behind this Islamic basis of mahram and exchange of duties ...
Imaam Ahmad reported that the Prophet (pbuh) prohibited staying alone; he prohibited for a man to spend the night alone or to travel alone. If this is forbidden for a man then it also applies to women.
Some people have said that if it is a temporary thing ie university then it should be okay and she may live alone subject to the condition that she is trustworthy, is not of dubious character and if this is a place which is secure. So for example student accomodation provided by the university. But she is not allowed to let a non mahram into her place of living.
It is not permissible for a woman to move from her parent's house and live alone without a mahram unless she has some reason for it.
Allah knows best.
majority rules .. ever heard of probablility ? .. theres a reason why probability is in mathematics .. a logical science .. we are not talking here about what is respectful or disrespectful .. its not about being nice or not its about what is is .. waht is the logical truth .. you dont need to meet all 100 % ducks in the world /every single one of them to figure out theyve got webbed feet .. seeing whole bunch will suffice to give you that info ...
The bold part is so much Diwana alike - Are you guys related by any chance ? or is he that husband you are eye'in upon ?
I dont know why most of you are getting so angry at Soni27. What she is telling is another side of the picture and not to be making up or lying, those kind of gals are there in all societies and i am afraid in good majority. So if your sister or cousin is good and has kept her ethics and imaan intact, more power to her. but the type of gals Soni has described are there too. I have personally seen ( i know them first hand) from really good and shareef homes/families, as soon as the gal was sent away from home for studies or job, the gal totally changed herself, and i mean changed herself in a real bad way. Her parents are unaware of those changes, neither i can dare to tell them.
There is no harm if gal lives alone but there has to be a strong justification for that. I have lived alone for quite sometime, i know that it has given me confidence and courage to face the life. But honestly, if i have choice, i wont like the same for my daughter. and there are two reasons for that. 1. no one is angel. you can slip or fall into shaitan's trap any time. 2. Your character is questioned all the time, specially in rishta matters. No matter how much qualified, broad minded and liberal the guy is, he will be still interested to know what you have been doing while away from home. So living alone for a gal should be the last choice and should be avoided if it can be.
that is what it appears to be not that it is, as the minority gets away "unnoticed"
the "bad example" is talked around the desi community, will be remembered as an example for the next generation and the sample will be spread around the desi people to the farest ends as falan falan kuri was like blah blah .... thats why the impression, will be majority only if the number of the good ones are also known/used in the generalization ......
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.... from really good and shareef homes/families, as soon as the gal was sent away from home for studies or job, the gal totally changed herself, and i mean changed herself in a real bad way. Her parents are unaware of those changes, neither i can dare to tell them.
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good shareef families from a normal home or a strict home? good shareef people from normal home will remain good shareef even if they have to live alone in a deserted island but not from strict families as they will go wild as they are free from the discipline/tightness they are in be they kuri or munda .... and parents do notice the change even if they choose to ignore or not acknowledge it ....
that is what it appears to be not that it is, as the minority gets away "unnoticed"
the "bad example" is talked around the desi community, will be remembered as an example for the next generation and the sample will be spread around the desi people to the farest ends as falan falan kuri was like blah blah .... thats why the impression, will be majority only if the number of the good ones are also known/used in the generalization ......
good shareef families from a normal home or a strict home? good shareef people from normal home will remain good shareef even if they have to live alone in a deserted island but not from strict families as they will go wild as they are free from the discipline/tightness they are in be they kuri or munda .... and parents do notice the change even if they choose to ignore or not acknowledge it ....
i agree with rest of your post ....
Gal from very normal educated and moderate family (No pardah by force, studied in co-ed schools, went to Universities). Actually two sisters, one remains in her haya and everything. the other one has crossed all limits.
I agree bad word is spread fast, but you know that we all suffer. Anyways Allah maalik. He must have thought/planned something for everyone :)
And then post-marriage....of all the women I know who got divorced, not a single one has lived alone after her divorce/before remarriage..kids or no kids, they all moved back in with their parents...I get they may have done what was suitable for their own situation so I am not criticizing them...but again, I wonder if there really is a stigma against a woman living without a man (be her father or husband).
I am not going to touch on the issue of being 'besharam' or 'behayaa' that some people are saying about girls who live alone.
Let's talk about finances. After a divorce, especially if you have kids, a lot of women cannot afford to live alone which is why they live with their parents. Even if you get government support, it is not enough to manage a home. You can live in subsidized housing, but really, it isn't exactly safe. I would not choose that option unless I had no other choice. If you have the option of living in your parents home, then why not? They provide emotional, mental and financial support while you put your life back together.
God bless and protect our parents forever.
As for single girls, I wish more girls took control of their lives and did not live according to cultural expectations. There is nothing wrong with living alone. If anything, it teaches people to be more financially responsible and have 'grown up' responsibilities. It makes people more grounded rather than living in fantasy land that so many desi girls live in.
I am not going to touch on the issue of being 'besharam' or 'behayaa' that some people are saying about girls who live alone.
Let's talk about finances. After a divorce, especially if you have kids, a lot of women cannot afford to live alone which is why they live with their parents. Even if you get government support, it is not enough to manage a home. You can live in subsidized housing, but really, it isn't exactly safe. I would not choose that option unless I had no other choice. If you have the option of living in your parents home, then why not? They provide emotional, mental and financial support while you put your life back together.
God bless and protect our parents forever.
As for single girls, I wish more girls took control of their lives and did not live according to cultural expectations. There is nothing wrong with living alone. If anything, it teaches people to be more financially responsible and have 'grown up' responsibilities. It makes people more grounded rather than living in fantasy land that so many desi girls live in.
That does make alot of sense, you (generally) do what's in the best interest of yourself/your kids. and Ameen to the dua...
As for single girls, I wish more girls took control of their lives and did not live according to cultural expectations. There is nothing wrong with living alone. If anything, it teaches people to be more financially responsible and have 'grown up' responsibilities. It makes people more grounded rather than living in fantasy land that so many desi girls live in.
I completely agree. This is the very reason I like women who are independent b/c I found most of them to be very mature and realistic. I think those are very important qualities to gain in your life b/c if God forbids at any point in your life, you don't have a strong social network, you can still cope with realities of life.
I am not going to touch on the issue of being 'besharam' or 'behayaa' that some people are saying about girls who live alone.
Let's talk about finances. After a divorce, especially if you have kids, a lot of women cannot afford to live alone which is why they live with their parents. Even if you get government support, it is not enough to manage a home. You can live in subsidized housing, but really, it isn't exactly safe. I would not choose that option unless I had no other choice. If you have the option of living in your parents home, then why not? They provide emotional, mental and financial support while you put your life back together.
God bless and protect our parents forever.
As for single girls, I wish more girls took control of their lives and did not live according to cultural expectations. There is nothing wrong with living alone. If anything, it teaches people to be more financially responsible and have 'grown up' responsibilities. It makes people more grounded rather than living in fantasy land that** so many desi girls live in.**
I wanted to add--it's not just girls that live in that fantasy land, guys do too, as evidenced by this thread.
I hadn't considered the financial aspect, adn I was looking more at the emotional/mental side of it; it's an ideal situation, but not all parents provide emotional or mental support and in some cases, living with them may be just as difficult as living with the spouse... So what does a divorced woman who has no means of supporting herself do in that case.....
Which is why every woman should be educated/independent. Unfortunately those who think it's unnecessary live in some fantasy world. :-/
So what's the crack after 8 pages then? Am I doomed forever cos I cannit cross me legs properly after living alone, do I need to attend 'how to be a good mother' course, can I buy back my izzat from fleabay?
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