Is it common/acceptable now? I say “acceptable” because growing up it wasn’t too common to hear of girls living away from home and the ones who did…they weren’t talked about very nicely. so I’m wondering if it’s still considered a “taboo” for women to live away from parents before they get married?
And then post-marriage…of all the women I know who got divorced, not a single one has lived alone after her divorce/before remarriage..kids or no kids, they all moved back in with their parents…I get they may have done what was suitable for their own situation so I am not criticizing them…but again, I wonder if there really is a stigma against a woman living without a man (be her father or husband).
I have lived alone for many years in an appt. in the US while my mom occassionally visited me from Pakistan! if people talked, no one said it to me.. I enjoyed my privacy! I was asked to share the appt with couple of other girls but I was working, could afford it, hence refused :D
in fact I know several girls who live alone.. it could be becuase most of my single friends have graduated, have their career, and prefer to be living on their own!
In west, its ok for girls to live alone. Back home, its not that girl cannot live alone, or it would be a taboo on her part, but the fact that our jerk mentality desis (especially tharki men) started treating her like a commodity for sale.
I remember this badnami ka dhabba desi mard, living in our apartment building in university, not only used to hit on every desi girl living alone, but used to think that they are something equivalent to street girls and should be available for on demand pleasure.
I lived alone for 8 yrs in NY before i got married. Don't know if anyone said anything. If they did. .. Who cares. Ppl can only have as much power over you as you give them.
A relative a pk (females ) has been living and working alone for 2yrs after her divorce. Even though her immediate family is in the same town.
My elder sister was briefly married from age 19-24. After she divorced, she lived on her own..still does. She's 42 years old, and never remarried, nor did she ever move back to my mom's house.
My younger (24-27 year old) girl cousins are all in various stages of completing grad school, living on their own and don't have plans to "move back home".
My niece, who is a senior in college, lives alone in her own apartment, even though our whole family (me included!) are all in the same city!
Like GTG, I know of several other non married female examples, not related to me, who also live alone, even after finishing their education. So I think the perception has definitely changed. I think like all things, it comes down to the dynamics of the family. What is acceptable to some, may not be for others.
I think its the women to make teh decision.
Once she makes the decision she can live with it - whether it means dealing with gossip or heat from her parents.
Never a good idea to be pressured into a situation due to a need to conform with society.
Don't know anyone in the family who have, but a lot of my friends have, for uni, work or even travelling to the middle east for their teaching jobs. Depends on whether their parents are okay with it, I guess. Mine wouldn't be :(
My kid sis has been living alone since she was 17. It freaks dad out but u gotta do what u gotta do. I think socie has changed... Also... West mein kuch bhi chalta hai... Ppl are xoming around
Now...if this were pak... My sis would have a few laofers swinging on her building gate just itching to follow her around... Parosan aunty would find her to be slutty and we can forget about marriage... Who marries a behaya larki who lives all alone... Hey ram!
in my family, a girl living alone will not be accepted. my dad wouldnt agree to it and i also feel that my nana nani khalas etc will frown upon it.
i have to live with my family till i get married.
of course, i do wonder if that would have been the case if i was going to college in another state or country.
one of my close friends was studying in town, had come from sri lanka and was memon. she was abv the age of 25 and completing her degree. and bichari use to tell me how random aunties back in the memon and pakistani gossiped that she was a 'non-virgin' and bad- just because she lived alone and went to college away from the comforts of her family home.
my friend was a good girl, we hung out together at her apt, used to have guy friends over. but she never did anything wrong. just plain fun.
people are still stuck in the olden times. mentalities have to change!!!
Acha. Khatti why are you hiding your cousins from me? If your sisters are married, your cousins will do :p
I moved from Geneva to New York to be with my sister because my parents didn't want her living on her own. However she has lived in college all on her own up till now. So it didn't make much sense but I moved anyway. Honestly it just depends on family and how liberal or conservative they are.
Acha. Khatti why are you hiding your cousins from me? If your sisters are married, your cousins will do :p
I moved from Geneva to New York to be with my sister because my parents didn't want her living on her own. However she has lived in college all on her own up till now. So it didn't make much sense but I moved anyway. Honestly it just depends on family and how liberal or conservative they are.
I think living with a sibling is a good compromise between living with parents and living alone......depending on most siblings.
I lived with my brother for some time, and the upside was that I had practically unlimited freedom..which was pretty awesome. :D
Acha…yeah…before we do so. I must know. ABCDs or FOBs?
Sara it was an easier compromise. My sister had freedom as well as long as it wasn’t past 2 am. Then I would be calling her demanding to know where she was and why she wasn’t at home. Etc. I am a tyrant of an older brother and she is a brat of a younger sister.
most paki girls living totally alone become behaya and open and too modern slowly slowly .. they are not like the gheraloo shy type anymore .. their whole thinking changes too .. its not good .. it detaches them from our culture ..we must keep our culture alove no matter what country we paksitani slive in the world .. its okay for guys to live alone but nor our girls ..
I think what is acceptable or not, depends on the family dynamics.
I lived on my own for Undergrad. Commute was 1:30 - 2 hr and living on my own was "acceptable". However now that I will be working; even though the commute is 1:30 hr again, my family would never be okay with me moving away. Which is fine because I don't want to live alone anyway.
most paki girls living totally alone become behaya and open and too modern slowly slowly .. they are not like the gheraloo shy type anymore .. their whole thinking changes too .. its not good .. it detaches them from our culture ..we must keep our culture alove no matter what country we paksitani slive in the world .. its okay for guys to live alone but nor our girls ..
This coming from the person who was pining away for a married man??? Her best friend's husband no less.....marvelous.
