It is all about working together. This is marriage..both partners needs to be in same page. I was recently going through rishta process. Girl expected me to pay for her masters and all the loans she has. I am ok with working out things together and contribute as much as i can to pay off her loan aside from paying for her bills, food and all other expenses. No problem with that..but what gets me is that..she wanted to stay home after doing her masters. Again that is her choice..if she wants to do that..i ain't sayin she is wrong. We are just not for each other.
^Wait, what? She expected you to pay off her loan? Asking for a bit of extra help to pay off a loan, while continuing to work towards paying it off yourself, is one thing. Asking another person to full-on, assume and pay off your loan is quite another. With demands like that, it is not surprising that girls are finding it difficult to find a husband.
Yes in her clear words. She did say..she wants to do masters but won't be able to pay off her loans and will stay home after that. In other words..full assumption of loans. And this is coming from a girl who is very mazhabi. Ya figure that out.
Hmm. How much debt have you accrued because of those two Masters. Or have you paid it all off? Staying at home wouldn't be that bad if you didn't have a massive debt behind you.
I have no debt at all, (still doing the second masters and so far have managed to pay it out of pocket). I have worked though, have not sat at home my entire life. But my view is that while education does help you with better career prospects, education is necessary for the sake of knowledge and helping you grow as a person. It's not just a tool for minting money. If I did have debt, I wouldn't have felt comfortable fobbing it off on the next person, because that's not who I am.
Hmm. How much debt have you accrued because of those two Masters. Or have you paid it all off? Staying at home wouldn't be that bad if you didn't have a massive debt behind you.
Can't argue with that. Education does do all that for you and it's better than blowing your money on useless stuff. And I can understand you wanting to stay at home to raise kids (I can't think of any other reason to stay home).
The problem arises when people don't communicate their wishes before marriage to each other. If you want a working wife, please say so or make sure your mom or elders make that clear if you will have no contact with your wife to be before marriage. Ditto for the girls's side. If you won't move to new country, want to work, don't want to work etc. please make this clear before marriage so you can start your life with your new life partner on the same page on major issues.
Another thing, if a woman complains because her in laws treat her unfairly or she has to live with them, people will be all over her citing " our culture". But if a woman wants her husband to support her financially while she stays home or keeps her money to herself, people will say, no you must share because these are modern times and old fashioned talk has no place now. But she should bear the major share of housework, stay mute while in laws taunt her to death, do major child rearing herself and not complain because the baby has kept her up all night and she wants to nap while baby does, but her MIl doesn't like that and while doing all that hold a full time job, and contribute fully to the household expenses and gifts for the in laws.
All while dear hubby gives a major share of his earning to in laws for luxury items. If our society wasn't so twisted, men and their families would not be able to take advantage of women.
It is important that the husband and wife are on the same page about finances. Before marriage one should let it be known if the wife is going to work or not. Debt is also very important. I have seen people become medical doctors and pharmacists with two hundred thousand dollars of debt and not wanting to work. It is unlikely with that much debt and effort but if the husband has the money then it is possible.
I have two masters and I want to stay at home. There is nothing wrong with that.
Now that is a luxury desi women have. After all your moaning and b'ing about how terrible desi men are, you lot have that luxury. You can choose to sit at home or keep your income to yourselves and no one would think any less of you. We don't have that luxury. We have to start at an early age, work hard to make sure we get into a good college, work even harder in college to get into a good university, get a masters, get a phd, get a good job, work our ass off and when we are finally there we have to pay the mortgage, our debts, our wives' debts, and also surprise her with expensive gifts from time to time. Miss any of that and our wives would be here on this website b'ing about us.
Most desi women these days have both options. They get the same education and career opportunities as their brothers. But can also expect to find a husband who would support them. I've seen too many girls who faced no pressure from family, were just not ambitious and got married early. Not a luxury lazy unambitious guys like me have !
I wonder if they still like to pretend that they didn't have choices.
In my opinion, the husband is responsible for providing financially and emotionally for the family i.e parents, wife, kids, siblings. Where as the wife is responsible for taking care of her home, their kids and providing emotional support to the family. Now, if there are circumstances where a single income is falling short, the husband and wife may mutually decide to share the burden or if the wife is wanting to work and assures their home won't be affected much she may go ahead with it but only with husbands consent. The best thing is for the working women to talk about her continuing work after marriage with her to be husband to assure there are no discrepancies afterwards.
You may call this old-fashioned but this is what i feel.
Some women want to stay home and still want all the fancy stuff that just can't be paid for with one person's income. When you decide you want to stay home, you should be prepared to make compromises on some things. You can't compete with the Joneses anymore, can't get a new car every five years. Heck you might have to share a car. Because not all of us here make six figures.
Just be prepared for a less extravagant lifestyle.
^ I agree with SaeedinPakistan. Living from a single income requires certain compromises and sacrifices that one must be willing to make if one wants to stay home. That's actually what galls me about some women who insist on staying home, that they don't seem to understand that one income will not provide all of the luxuries and extras that two incomes would. I think you'd have to be quite oblivious not understand that the cost of living (nevermind, living well) is rather high in most places these days and that one income may be a bit stretched.
However, if one is willing to make certain compromises then there is nothing wrong with staying home.
Now that is a luxury desi women have. After all your moaning and b'ing about how terrible desi men are, you lot have that luxury. You can choose to sit at home or keep your income to yourselves and no one would think any less of you. We don't have that luxury. We have to start at an early age, work hard to make sure we get into a good college, work even harder in college to get into a good university, get a masters, get a phd, get a good job, work our ass off and when we are finally there we have to pay the mortgage, our debts, our wives' debts, and also surprise her with expensive gifts from time to time. Miss any of that and our wives would be here on this website b'ing about us.
Actually, I disagree! A lot of White American families have stay at home moms. But desi men who have come from Pakistan want their wives to work while behaving like a desi wife in every other way. I don't see white women pressing their MILs feet or wondering what gold karas to give to their MILs before the wedding. Also, the men contribute equally in the child rearing and household work.
Some women want to stay home and still want all the fancy stuff that just can't be paid for with one person's income. When you decide you want to stay home, you should be prepared to make compromises on some things. You can't compete with the Joneses anymore, can't get a new car every five years. Heck you might have to share a car. Because not all of us here make six figures.
Just be prepared for a less extravagant lifestyle.
True, but that's true for two income families as well.
I agree with you. I feel the same. Desi men want a wife who works full time, and who stays at the in laws place when they go to Pakistan. The in laws can say whatever things they want about the girl and her family but the girls has to keep quiet because "ammi naraz ho gain gee". The girl has to be ready to keep the in laws at home because "who else will take care of them in their old age?" but God forbid if the girl expresses the same wish, unless it adds an extra benefit like the wife's mom acting like a free baby sitter while the wife works full time. So basically its a slave who earns them extra money too.
I can't even tell my in laws that my dad came to visit me from another country because they will get mad as its their son's house and no one else has the right to come visit esp. the wife's parents/ relatives.
In my opinion, the husband is responsible for providing financially and emotionally for the family i.e parents, wife, kids, siblings. Where as the wife is responsible for taking care of her home, their kids and providing emotional support to the family. Now, if there are circumstances where a single income is falling short, the husband and wife may mutually decide to share the burden or if the wife is wanting to work and assures their home won't be affected much she may go ahead with it but only with husbands consent. The best thing is for the working women to talk about her continuing work after marriage with her to be husband to assure there are no discrepancies afterwards.
You may call this old-fashioned but this is what i feel.
