Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
agree with.
how much they charge on the average in old-age home?? any idea
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
well maybe i'm less afraid of my future MIL cause i have no mother...so i'm not "spoiled"...i have a step mom who raised me and maybe i'm better prepared to live in joint family system...cause having a step mom is a kind of joint family:D
How very true. In some cases, it's like you don't need to worry about the 'evil' MIL as the Step Monster was scary enough. However, living with MIL and inlaws will be significantly different to having lived with a Step Monster. I have not said better or worse, just significantly different.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
noor, this thread is not about you or me. This is about women folk in general. Not everyone would obey their inlaws, some can be real nasty mean to them. And some i have seen devote all their lives to their new family and stil be the "bad" bahu because she doesnt belong to the immediate family (cousin etc) :)
And to answer your question, yep i live with my family. The way my family is, we all have a say in the family matters, no matter how small or big it is. And since i am not married, i dont know what kind of inlaws i am going to have or how well or not so well we are going to get along. But i sure do hope for the best, InshaAllah :)
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
i hope better:cb::halo:
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Inshallah. I hope they are significantly better for you too luv. According to my wise wise grandmother those blessed with Step Monsters gain good MIL’s. Although I think this is being said as an incentive for me to get married!
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
there is no such thing as “womenfolk in general” just different human beings with different cultures and expectations in life:wink:
well in “traditional” family like mine it’s not…children are expected to respect parents and obey them, cause parents know best:D
in this traditional european education system children are prepared to be able to adjust in any environement…because they are not raised as “selfish” individuals…but as “family members”
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I hope me hoping to live my life somewhat in accordance with my dreams doesnt mean i am selfish :)
I know this is deviating from the topic of the thread but i would like to think that i also belong to a traditional family. And i still would say that our parents are human beings are as well and dont always know what is best ( i realise this is a very controversial statement to make but i am saying this will all due respect). Our parents learn from experiences just like we do, which means they are right most of the time, not all though :)
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Summary of the thread:
Women are women's worst enemies. I am sure the primary reason why ABCDs dont want to live iwth in-laws is not because of the fear that their FILs or BILs will micro-manage their lives, but that their SILs and MILs will. (Exhibit: posts that criticize pind girls and SILs and MILs).
What a pathetic display of women losing their collective bargaining power because they dont know how to stick together. The reason why women will NEVER be equal to men is because they revolve their lives around men. The theme that emerges from this thread is eerily parallel to the economic concept of "scarcity of resources."
Women (wife, sister and mother) all vying for one scarce resource: the man (husband, brother and son).
I rest my case.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I wonder if you know who is responsibe for this kind of behaviour from these kind of women. Could it be the one that is sought after, the 'resource', the root of the problem? Just a thought, not syaing it is, but something to mull over. After all its a mans world isn't it?
"The reason why women will NEVER be equal to men is because they revolve their lives around men."
How does wanting to live separate from ones inlaws relate to being equal to men? Are you saying that only men should be allowed to make that choice to live separately and by women who want to make that choice, they would then be considered equal to man? By wanting to make a choice women are asking for equality?
Please explain.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
ABCD, FOB....i HATE these 2 words.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
[quote]
I hope your aware of who is responsibe for this kind of behaviour from these kind of women. Could it be the one that is sought after, the 'resource', the root of the problem? Just a thought, not syaing it is, but something to mull over. After all its a mans world isn't it?
[/quote]
Your world is what you make of it. But of course, like some women, you find it convenient to blame the men for all your afflictions. Was jack Nicholson a sexist in the movie "As Good as it Gets," who, when asked how he read women so well, said , " I think of a man and then take away reason and accountibility."
I want to believe that he was sexist.
[quote]
How does wanting to live separate from ones inlaws relate to being equal to men? Are you saying that only men should be allowed to make that choice to live separately and by women who want to make that choice, they would then be considered equal to man? By wanting to make a choice women are asking for equality?
[/quote]
Nothing wrong, except it is humorous to hear from some of your sisters WHY some ofthem would not want to live with the in-laws (MILs and SILs thrown around quite a bit, not FILs). Nothing for me to explain if you are not smart enough to see that, indeed, women are women's worst enemies. The sister Mehnaz mentioned about -- the one who wants to sit next to her brother in the car, I wonder what will she do when she herself gets married. Yeah, blame the men again, right?
P.S., Mehaz, i know you were only stating an example. I am sorry if i worded my post in way that made it look like i was talking about you. :)
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Dope, I was using an example of some of the fights I have witnessed between girls that are so stupid. I wasn’t talking about myself or what I would do if I was in that situation. 
I will continue the story of that example … the husband was such a …, instead of telling off his wife and sister for being idiots and causing an unecessary fight, he went out and purchased a new car so that his sister and his wife wouldn’t have to commute in the same car! How does that resolve any problems?
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Mehnaz,
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but do you see how convenient you find it to blame the guy. The sister is behaving erratically, not the husband. You expect the MAN to fix the problems and when he doesn't, you call him a ...... NEWSFLASH: The sister is the one to be blamed. BLAME her!!
:)
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I agree Dope. However, since in these situations, both women (wife and sister) are vying for the husband's attention, it's in his best interest (as well as the overall family's best interest) to put his foot down and make it clear that this kind of crap won't fly. As long as the guy stays quiet and avoids taking a stand, all hell will be breaking loose around him.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Real life is not an internet forum. 
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Although I am currently not living with my inlaws, I don't have a problem living with my mil. Alhamdulilah she's such a good person and has a really big heart. Inshallah Allah swt will gives us the means to live together.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I'm glad my brother's not living with us, they'd be working my mother like a fking servant, having her cook daal and biryani, whatever htey ask for whiel they have a few bites and throw the rest away, not to mention the hurt n humiliation he'd put my mom through, just because he happens to pay her bills. Fking people, think they have every right to push you around and be an ass.hole just because they make money and support you.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
good point.....moms do typically slave over their sons.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Lastly, ppl live in joint family in PK bcoz it favors them in many respects, great benefits of learning from parents, grandparents, teaches lot of control and tolerance :) family pressure ofcourse is on top of the list. But things are not all that rosy in PK as ppl sitting here assume. Go live there for a few years and you wud find out the reality.
Although I am a Hindu, I don't know how to wish you, but I want to say to you, Bhagwan teri rakhsha karey. Girls like you are a pride for their parents. I wish you get a very good husband. This is an extreemly mature thinking. Ans I agree with all of your points.
You have earned lots of respect in my eyes.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
^ When we were kids, I thought it was really unfair she did that, but i was/am very spoiled too.
But when we visit, she’ll do his housework and all the cooking and cleaning and everything, but only out of habit. He’s a loser and so is his wife. He doesn’t show any gratitude to her, he thinks because he gave her money like a “good son” would, that’s where his farz ends. And he’s the only son, so you can imagine how much this hurts her. :no:
So to say, I have t leave my parents behind as if they werent the ones who brought me up, who did EVERY FKING THING FOR ME, and the second I sign my paper on that nikkah, the past 20+ years are erased? I dont have a problem taking care of his parents, but my parents only son is a useless piece of sh!t and my husband better be ready to taek care of my mother and father like its his own parents.