Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
It appears to me you have not seen practical life. Your opinions are based of heard stories and spurious assumptions that are leading you to form a biased opinion towards your own life.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
^ Its my life and family and what happens in it that is contributing to my opinions on MY life.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
practical life? she is talking about practical life....it is based on her own personal experience. perhaps you didnt read her previous post.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Sun sunderi
What happenes in your family is not necessarily a true representation of what happens in other families.
what one person does, doesn't mean everybody will do the same.
Apun boley to kiya samjhi sunderi
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
You girls can gang up on me all you want; I don't give two sh*ts. I'm gonna speak my mind whether you all like it or not.
Just because Im 20 (starting to think it was a mistake revealing that) doesn't mean I don't know any better. I've been through a lot of sh*t in my short life and, by the grace of Allah, I've come out a better person.
Some of you have said that once I get married things will be different.... my response is that the day my nikkah is done I'm going to tell my wife that if you want my happiness then love and respect my parents. By the same token she will get immense love and happiness in return, InshAllah.
And yes, I would considor divorce or separation if my wife insists of moving out.
I would definitely look after her Parents too, as I have been taught to respect all elders. I would treat them as my parents and give them the same respect.
At no time have I said wives need to be treated like slaves. They are very important and also deserve all the happiness in the world but if that happiness in contigent upon leaving my parents then the answer is NO.
Also, someone mentioned that in Islam women have the right to their own house; yes, absolutely they do, their husbands house is also their house, which also happens to be the parents' house, oh and further its also the family's house; of WHICH SHE'S A PART OF.
Jazak Allah
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Just because Im 20 (starting to think it was a mistake revealing that) doesn't mean I don't know any better. I've been through a lot of sh*t in my short life and, by the grace of Allah, I've come out a better person.
Some of you have said that once I get married things will be different.... my response is that the day my nikkah is done I'm going to tell my wife that if you want my happiness then love and respect my parents. By the same token she will get immense love and happiness in return, InshAllah.
And yes, I would considor divorce or separation if my wife insists of moving out.
I would definitely look after her Parents too, as I have been taught to respect all elders. I would treat them as my parents and give them the same respect.
At no time have I said wives need to be treated like slaves. They are very important and also deserve all the happiness in the world but if that happiness in contigent upon leaving my parents then the answer is NO.
Also, someone mentioned that in Islam women have the right to their own house; yes, absolutely they do, their husbands house is also their house, which also happens to be the parents' house, oh and further its also the family's house; of WHICH SHE'S A PART OF.
Jazak Allah
I totaly agree with you Dear Anil.
They boys whom these girls dream of are just wimps. There are emotionally weak boys out there but not everybody is the same.
I'd also kick that lady out of my home if she dares to cross her boundaries and insult my parents. But I would make sure to safeguard her from any injustice from my parents (if that happens to be the case). I know my parents and they would love my wife (To be) the same way as the love me. It is their love for their boy that is reflected in loving his wife.
Be confident in what you have learned. If you'll insult or neglect your parents, others will do the same.
A true man is the one who can maintain a "balance" and "control" of this situation and not lean towards one side only.
I totally support you on that. And I know how to handle these kind of girls.......
Another fact. May be very very bitter for the ladies but it is true. Woman is the most foolish creature on Earth, the most emotional and instable. she thinks she can control a man but I have seen, the most clever women being played by the most stupid of men...
Men know very well how to manipulate women and with what kind of incentives.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
:k:
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Jazak Allah
good point ^
I just need to make one point that is totally off topic. It is really important to make things clear **before **the nikkah is done so that both parties are clear on what their expectations are of each other in terms of living arrangements, parents etc.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Good luck to you, bro. I can almost see you in a dark room by yourself, a hastily opened Jergen's tube, a mauled and battered crusty Hanes tube sock, a sticky hand and a look of guilt on your face. Married women will withhold sex and dangle it like a carrot until you cave into doing what they want.
The more I read your posts, the more I am convinced that you need to marry a VERY simple girl from pakistan. Of course, you could find them here, too, but the odds are heavily stacked against you.
Hand meet johnson.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Of all the embargos in life, sex embargos are the worst.
Nations under embargos seek illicit trade with neighbors or nations with diplomatic inroads. Everyone loses in embargos.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
The more I read your posts, the more I am convinced that you need to marry a VERY simple girl from pakistan. Of course, you could find them here, too, but the odds are heavily stacked against you.
Hand meet johnson.
Yes, I openly admit I will, Inshallah, marry a simple Pakistani girl.
And about that bit about Jergens cream....Alhumdullilah, uski naubat naheen aygee; Allah miya ne mujhay baree khair se banaya hai Alhumdulilah, Alhumdulilah. I won't have to rely on my hands to satisfy those needs.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Raja Sahib, thanks for appreciating my point of view :) I saw my mother taking care of my grand-father, who was completely bed ridden and I salute her for patience, love and courage. I only wish God could give me the same courage to care for my elders, ameen.
A true man is the one who can maintain a "balance" and "control" of this situation and not lean towards one side only.
^^^ I agree with you on this point.
Another fact. May be very very bitter for the ladies but it is true. *Woman is the most foolish creature on Earth, the most emotional and instable. she thinks she can control a man but I have seen, the most clever women being played by the most stupid of men... *
^ I beg to differ from you on this point, hugely! My culture and my religion teaches me respect for both genders. Spiritually men and women are equal before God. Women can be emotional, for sure. God made their hearts more brittle, so that they feel the pain of everyone around them and they care for everyone in the family, children, parents, siblings, and that's why you see women are more responsible and get more mature than their same age male siblings. If mother always follows fatherly logic, I wonder how the children be raised! A Mother stays up all night, just to feed the infant baby, while father conveniently sleeps over in the same room or moves to other room. (I won't go in all the details of child bearing and rearing) So calling women foolish ....... I don't think one can have a balanced life thinking his counterpart is foolish and incapable of making sane decisions. There are all kind of people in this world, smart and not so smart, both men and women, let's respect all. Hope you don't take offense to this.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
AK I wish you the very best of luck. A word of advice from a sister to you: Pls. make the other party aware of your beliefs and expectations in advance. So that there are no rude surprises for either party. They say even the sky shivers upon hearing the word “Talaq”. Girls, get married with lots of dreams and innocent wishes, make sure you let her know before marriage about your expectations in clear cut words. I wish you have a very happy married life. I would luv to stay in touch to know how things worked out, esp. to know how much you changed over the years. So leave some contact, in case one of us don’t stay on this forum for long.
Good Luck 
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
let me guess... most men are for joint family system and all women are against it? this might be the rare occasion where one has to agree with the ladies. a joint family system is ridden with problems. my memory of a joint family house in the neighborhood back home is still clear in my mind. my parents ended up intervening to solve their household problems routinely. it was a big mess.
from the little i gathered was that a joint family system should be avoided at all costs especially for new couples. living under your parents umbrella where they pay all the bills, make all the choices for you... leaves a new couple with no room to grow.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Larki-NY, thanks for the kind words. I consider myself really fortunate that you think of me as a brother. I always wanted a sister 
.
I would definitely tell her my views and expectations before marriage. Infact, I would hope to spend some time with her prior to commiting so that we both know what we’re in for (I’m not sure if her parents will allow it tho, lol). Khair, Allah Malik hai.
If or when I leave GS I would definitely NOT start a good-bye thread (most likely). However, I would definitely make a point to PM you larki-NY and leave a contact source.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Ah yes. Well this is much clearer. Your earlier post gave the impression that you would expect her to give up her family for yours, rather than joining the two.
As I mentioned earlier, I wouldn’t mind sharing a household with my inlaws or parents for some time, and it certainly wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for the marriage (marriage is very sacred, and for me, the goal is to compromise for a greater commitment if possible), but I do feel that all parties need to be in an honest, open atmosphere. My inlaws lived with us for a few months before they found a house that they liked from themselves (they’ve recently immigrated). That worked out well, and we could definitely keep doing it, but, again, I also like that all of us are close and yet have our own space.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
from the little i gathered was that a joint family system should be avoided at all costs especially for new couples. living under your parents umbrella where they pay all the bills, make all the choices for you... leaves a new couple with no room to grow.
very true ^....
u know as i read all these posts i find that both sides have made gr8 arguments. I find myself personally not able to make a decision as to what i would want to do when I get married. I supposewhat it all boils down to is the situation you are faced with at the time you get married. You cant make a decision like this ahead of time.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
at Dope’s and Luxi’s comments
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
As I mentioned earlier, I wouldn't mind sharing a household with my inlaws or parents for some time, and it certainly wouldn't be a dealbreaker for the marriage (marriage is very sacred, and for me, the goal is to compromise for a greater commitment if possible), but I do feel that all parties need to be in an honest, open atmosphere. My inlaws lived with us for a few months before they found a house that they liked from themselves (they've recently immigrated). That worked out well, and we could definitely keep doing it, but, again, I also like that all of us are close and yet have our own space.
I think that Anil means well and seems to have good intentions however he is just terrible in typing what he means. It comes out all wrong which is why he makes a follow-up post which makes more sense 2 us.
I agree...having to live with my in-laws is def not a "deal-breaker".... however i do believe in the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder"
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Of course, I salute her too. She seems to be a really good hearted lady. Bhagwan us ki rakhsha karey
Arey tu ney woh Hindi film naeen sdeekhi, RAJA HINDUSTANI......
Raji ji bol na ....... :D
Poocho zara poocho mujey keya hua hai
Kaisi be qarai hai yeh kaisa nasha hai
Tum sey dil laganey ki saza hai
Raji ji tum sey dil laganey ki saza hai :D
Apun Hindu howey na, I don't know what do you mean by God here. Our God is different....
Your point in itself is correct. I agree with that but not the foolish part
You absolutely did not understand what I meant by foolish. don't take it in a literal meaning. You will not understand it by the literal meaning.......