Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
OMG…OMG… OMG… ppl give poor fellow a little break, or he will pass away on this forum with all this bashing… lollzzzzzz
Give him time to grow up, he’s hardly 20, wot do u expect? U wud notice majority of those comments are coming from late teens or early 20s. Jub duniya dekheinge to samajh aa jaye gee. But then some mama’s boys never grow up I wish guys here cud open their eyes and see how much saas-bahu crisis happens in almost every pakistani family everyday, may it be cities, towns, or small villages, how many divorces happen (unfortunately) for this particular reason that inlaws poke too much of their nose into couple’s affairs. Main responsibility lies on guy’s shoulders, he’s his parent’s son and bahu cannot be “that son” to his parents, living together or seperately. Guys here are trying to shake away that responsibility hiding under their job, but they will be asked on the last day what did they do for their parents, and not what did they make their wives do for their parents. Allah reham keray hum sub peh, ameen.
P.S. AK pls. don’t take it personally, am only trying to sympathize with u
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
yea kid needs lot of growing up to you. So far he has only learned all this from looking at other people's experiences. When you start to expereince your own shiit in life you will learn that every situation is different and you cannot make a pathar ki lakeer decision based on what you have seen in this world.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
typical desi mentality. It's a shame that Pakistani's value culture more then religion. Perhaps you should educate yourself more about Islam before you make ignorant comments like this again.
when a couple gets married .....**YOU ARE JOINING 2 FAMILIES **together no matter how far the girl moves away from her parents....no matter where she lives and who she is living with......remember this! the girl will NEVER leave her family. She is just as responsible for taking care of her parents as you are.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I had similar thoughts, but somehow they changed dramatically 'the day' my daughter was born.
yea having children of your own changes a lot of ppl. I have heard men that have showed so much more respect to their wives after seeing her give birth to his child.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Anil, I would love to know what you think your wife's responsibilities towards her own parents would be? Do you suppose that once she marries you and takes care of your parent, she should forget her own? Would that be fair to be asked of her? What if she is an only child or doesnt have a brother who, like you can marry and have his wife take of the parents?
Anyone else who has similiar view to Anil is more than welcome to reply as well.
Icono, btw, i agree with you on your last post. Until we have daughters ourselves, i dont think we realise what it means to be the parents of a daughter and see her go through life.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Anyone else who has similiar view to Anil is more than welcome to reply as well.
Icono, btw, i agree with you on your last post. Until we have daughters ourselves, i dont think we realise what it means to be the parents of a daughter and see her go through life.
No it doesn"t mean she forgets her parents...but in the case where she moves away from her family to another city or country to leave with her husband and inlaws...she obvioulsy can't take care of her parents in the same way as of her inlaws because of physical distance.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Why do you people think that "village" girls are simple? Have you people seen the "village" girls once they emmigrate. Aap sab ko bech kar channai kha kar ghar be ponch jien gi and you wont even notice they've gone.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
noor, i know you dont think like this but its sad to read the views of some folks around here who probably would think thats how we should do : forget our own family and just treat like the husband and his whole family is hte one we were born with. I dont have a problem sharing a house with the inlaws, becuase i realise how i like staying with my own family and siblings and how much we enjoy our family times. I wouldnt want to steal his family from him. But at the same time, guys should understand that us gals have families as well that we leave behind to join their’s. Its sounds to me like it is ok for us to leave our families but God forbid if you ever mention as a wife that you want your own house to decorate and live in as you please.
That would just prove how rotten us western girls are, now wouldnt it? What do they think of themselves, wanting to have a private life with their husband? How dare we? Tsk tsk tsk.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
well that statement is rather selfish..so YES:) decorating house is a very superficial thing…only spoiled western girl can think about it…cause lots of pakistani are too poor to have such a superficial thinking…
i have already said why i like the idea of living with inlaws: MIL obviously have knowledge about babies and children so she can help
about privacy…well i did not say the couple hve to share their room with inlaws:D
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
i have already said why i like the idea of living with inlaws: MIL obviously have knowledge about babies and children so she can help
about privacy....well i did not say the couple hve to share their room with inlaws:D
parissenoor, in a perfect world, small things such as decorating ones own house wouldnt be a big deal. but none of us are perfect and we dont live in a perfect world either. You would be surprised at how small petty issues as such pave way to bigger ones. In Pak and i am sure elsewhere as well, within joint family systems, small things such as who is going to do what part of the housework can also spark arguments :) Trust me, where there is two more pots, you are definetly bound to hear some noise.
Anyhow, that was just used as an example, albeit not a very good one. THe main argument i was trying to make was that regardless of our gender, we all like to stay closer to our families and no one should be expected to forget their parents all of a sudden just because they said qabool hai.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I totally agree.
I also agree with Ira. I’ve seen soooo many girls fight with their in-laws/and vice versa over really minor things like who gets to sit in the front seat of the husband’s car … the wife or his sister who wants that seat. I’ve also seen cases where sisters just don’t know how to back off and want to tag along EVERYWHERE with her brother and his new wife. These types of things cause conflict. Yes, they can be so petty, but unfortunately, it is more common than a lot of us would like to believe.
You gotta be prepared for all these types of things when you go into a joint family system. It makes it a lot easier if both the girl and the family got along. Then this type of stuff wouldn’t happen or would happen less.
A lot of times, what happens is that each person has to adjust to the different personalities and they have to respect each other. It’s really difficult for a lot of people. There has to be a lot of compromise from everybody in order to keep peace and get along.
I went a bit off topic … lekin, I agree with Ira. As a female, I want to be close to my family too and look after my own parents. Even if I move away, I’m gonna make it clear that I’m coming home frequently, if circumstances permit me to do so. There is no way I will just ‘forget’ my family.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Silly western girls, as if it wasnt bad enough that they wear jeans, speak to males they are not related to, go out to work, iv heard some even live alone! Now they (poor husband would never think such a thought) want to live in a home separate from their inlaws. Whatever will they think of next?
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
start having babies...and say it was their rite to do so before marriage.
y do u think they live alone so they can go around f'king guys and no one would know...y else wud they leave their own families.
if my future wife told me that she didnt want to live with my parents...i'd jus divorce her say go ahead live somewhere else. I feel sorry for whoever u end up with.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Afridi, don't make assumptions. Very few girls move out of their homes, and if they do, it is often cause of extreme circumstances. Not all girls leave their homes cause they want to screw around.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I feel for him too. Perhaps once I am married I shall introduce him to you for lessons in how to be a man and dealing with difficult me, and as a bonus you could even teach him how to spell.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
aren’t you living with your parents and siblings:confused:??? so you are used to compromising and you know how to deal with other people under your rook…why is it different to go to inlaws house and live under your inlaws rules…such as you were used to live under parents rules and orders?
well i don’t see the point…if you know how not to make arguments with your own familyyou’ll do well with inlaws too…
i never decorated my parents house…and don’t care not to decorate my inlaws house:D…about house chores…hmm i’m used to obey my stepmom…so i’ll do same with my MIL in the future…
well maybe i’m less afraid of my future MIL cause i have no mother…so i’m not “spoiled”…i have a step mom who raised me and maybe i’m better prepared to live in joint family system…cause having a step mom is a kind of joint family:D
…not all girls in the west think the same 
Am happy over here..