Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

[skhan]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

How many of the girls here would want their brothers to move when they get married?

[Sara516]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

........

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

@Sara516

I dunno, i wud think if htey’re so wonderful and wise, then wudnt’ hubby be too ??? Anyway, isnt it farz to listen to hubby ? never heardof it being farz to be obedient to in laws

being obedient to your in-laws and listening to them on small trivial matters are two different things. Making them happy once in a while on things that wont really affect you in the long run doesnt really hurt. If you are going to be stubborn and not listen to them solely because they are you in-laws then you wont have a very happy life now will you?

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

@skhan

How many of the girls here would want their brothers to move when they get married?

i dont have a brother but if i did...id want him to leave so i can get his room:D

[Sara516]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

Yeah ur rite.. i wudnt NOT listen to em jus coz they’re in laws but its also, I just want my space..I just hate hate hate hate hate hate the idea of living in someone else’s house, under soemone else’s rules, being totally thrown out of my comfort zone..

[Afshi]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

thanks angel eyes!

[Impulse]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

I think its important for us to take care of our parents in their old age…as everyone will be at that stage once in their life…

as far as living with in-laws or separately…personally I dont see the big deal about it. whats wrong with living with in-laws if they’re nice people and you get on well

I personally like living as part of a big family…cuz id get bored alone …especially when hubby is at work etc. and anyway, the bigger the family the better and maybe your kids can learn alot from having an older generation in the house…seeing the state of kids these days -i think thats something thats important.
and if your husband is a really nice guy (which is why u married him)…chances are his parents played a big part in who he is today. wouldnt you want your kids to be like him too and hence get the help of his parents to bring up kids etc.
ive only had 1 hours sleep last night, so excuse me if i went off on one…and didnt make sense. i can clarify anything u didnt understand:)

[nia_khan]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

@Raatkirani

What is this bakwas that Pakistanis love that “women marry the entire family?” No, first and foremost, they marry their husband. What is wrong with these whipped men who cannot even give their life partners a few months without any interference from the family? Why must young brides be forced to walk on eggshells…no say in the running of the household, no say in what to cook, no say in how to decorate…

Most marriages in Pakistan are arranged, right? It takes a while to get to know each other, as well as get comfortable in the new physical aspect of the relationship. Why must that be done under a microscope? I’m not against combined family living, but I think the best compromise for those who MUST live with their inlaws is for the new couple to live on their own for 6-12 months after the wedding (they can move back after this). This will give them time to establish themselves as a couple as well as for the girl to learn househould duties. I hate it when mother-in-laws suddenly become old and feeble the day their son marries. As if they get some paralyzing disease that they are totally incapable of running their household as they have for the past 30 years, and thereby emotionally blackmailing the son into living with them so they can use the DIL as a servant.

To deny your children the pleasure of starting off alone, to be able to come and go as they please, to be able to dress as they please, even be intimate with their spouse as they please, is total selfishness and breeds bad blood.

Anyways, just my 2 cents…

Interesting!

Shukar hai not everyone in our culture does this. Otherwise i can so see desi parents living in “edhi foundation” or other elderly homes. Why? because their kids could not take care of them…

*sigh

Imagine if you only have one brother and he follows the same path meaning goes away from his parents for good. Your parents are living all by themselves - Taking care of each other- how would you feel?

forget that…

You become a parent and you have married your kids off and they are all living by themselves happy in their married life. But no one is there to take care of you how would you feel?

Raatkirani - women does marry the entire khandan now we can either accept that or let it go and face suffering…

*sigh

[Jal_Pari]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

@skhan

How many of the girls here would want their brothers to move when they get married?

I would..I don't see any problem why he should not have a privacy with his wife. Sorry but I won't stand a new girl to live in our house for too long and taking over my stuff!!!! ....time to grow up and get going. It's much better they can have their own place and not be a mama's boy. The key is to make sure your parents are doing fine and periodically paying them a visit and at the same time the new bahu to maintain her relationship with in-laws without butting in too much.

[mAd_ScIeNtIsT]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

I think Faizy got it right in the second post in this thread.

I am sure that most girls in Pakistan would prefer to move out with their husbands. However, moving out is financially harder to achieve in Pakistan because of difficulties in getting credit.

In the west it is easy to move out and it becomes an expectation. In fact back in England the expectation my parents had of my brother and I were that we would have to move out before getting married.

My mother used to discourage me from even joking about staying in the family house forever. They began giving hints to me too. When they bought a new house they made a point about how I would not get new furniture for my room because I would be gone soon.

[fghd]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

Funny thing, last night my mom was talking to me about my older bro’s marriage and she was discussing that how hard it is to find a girl. While we were talking I end up saying that u never know wat the girl wants when she will get married to my bro. Either she wana live with us or wana move out. My move prefered her to live with us. She said my bro and her wifey can have the whol basement for themselves (which is pretty huge) but still since he is the oldest and first son, my parents expect them to live with us.

I ended up saying if I were at that girl’s place then I wouldnt wana live like that. I prefer living separate with my hubby UNLESS there is no one to take care of his parents. LOL my mom was in shock She said u think like that toooooooooooooo? I said Ofcourse mom, Y not! and I am sure every girl now a days think like tht and there is nothing wrong with it.

My mom is worried about moi now she is like Kiya banay ga iss larki ka

p.s. and I am suprsied b/c my mom was the one who ALWAYS said that once my bro get married she wants couple to move out! and last night she was like …

[saieen]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

its her right & huns-banned must respect it.

[parissenoor]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

@mAd_ScIeNtIsT

I think Faizy got it right in the second post in this thread.

I am sure that most girls in Pakistan would prefer to move out with their husbands. However, moving out is financially harder to achieve in Pakistan because of difficulties in getting credit.

In the west it is easy to move out and it becomes an expectation. In fact back in England the expectation my parents had of my brother and I were that we would have to move out before getting married.

My mother used to discourage me from even joking about staying in the family house forever. They began giving hints to me too. When they bought a new house they made a point about how I would not get new furniture for my room because I would be gone soon.

But parents then complain that their kids are gone and far…and not there for them when they need them

parents should think thy’ll be old, really old one day…and then they’ll be happy to have us;)…or regret to have thrown us out of home before …cause it would be too late:D, and they’ll have to move in OUR house:cb:…what if that house is another country wheree they don’t know the language

[rimsh_1]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

@Afridi786

lol, what if ur going to sleep? is that icky also? lol, u have to be all sneaky, be like "hon can u go get sumthing from my room?", and then she calls you and says "where is it, help me find it"...lol ya i got sick mind.

LOL, i actually saw my cousin do exactly that! we made so much fun of them afterwards though..

[Ansoon]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

simple solution for husbands..

get a job in another city which is atleast 2 hours away from your parents and her parents house then u visit them both occasionally and everyone remains happy..

[rimsh_1]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

@skhan

How many of the girls here would want their brothers to move when they get married?

skhan: my parents don't want my brothers to get married until they have stable jobs and a house.

personally to me, it doesn't matter(i used to think differently). i won't mind living with my inlaws at all.

[Mehnaz]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

^ Ditto. My parents encouraged my brother to get his own place, build a home and be financially stable before even considering marriage. They wanted him to be able to stand on his own two feet rather than be dependent on the parents forever, like a lot of guys.

[Ex-Guppan]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

@skhan

How many of the girls here would want their brothers to move when they get married?

Skhan, that’s exactly my point. If my brother gets married and my bhabi takes him to shift into their own house and my old parents are left alone… I would be very sad, it would hurt me and that’s why I don’t want to be that bhabi to someone either who takes the brother/son away from the parents.

I know it’s hard, full of challenges and problems are bound to happen in a family, but that’s the beauty of our values. I am not saying that a huge family shud live together like, all the jethanis and dewaranis etc etc. (that will be a big mess) but parents come first and if the siblings of husband are too young or dependant (Godforbid). Besides, if it becomes too much of a problem to live together than living close can also help. But I repeat, our first and foremost responsibility is to take care of the old parents. I wudn’t want his parents to be hurt or suffer, just like I don’t want my parents to be hurt. Remember, we are not supposed to say even “uff” if we are upset or bothered by our Old parents’ attitude.

P.S. My parents always encouraged my brothers to be independant and have their own house but now that I see my parents getting old, I worry about them.

[Sehar]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

^Ditto, exactly my thoughts.

Perhaps the first 2/3 years the couple can be on their own, enjoying their privacy and building a solid foundation for their relationship. However, I think it becomes necessary later on for the kids to take care of their parents. I see plenty of examples in my own extended family where the parents are old cannot manage on their own and need the support from their married sons (mainly). One of my aunts has arthritic knees and is going thru chemo (which is very intense and has plenty side effects), she definitely cannot manage standing for long periods of time cooking, cleaning, or any other house chores. She's weak in the best of terms. Her son and daughter-in-law live with her, and it works out for them. Sure they've had their share of problems but so does any family living under one roof. Heck, we get into conflicts with our own parents. It's part of life. I see my own parents with minor aches and pains, and obviously health problems are inevitable in old age. I would like for them to be cared for. Ideally, I'd like to be nearby so I can take care of them but I do expect my brothers to live with them and take care of them at a certain point in their lives.

Let's face it, not everything in life is really what we would like it to be, so we make adjustments, compromises, and sacrifices. Yes both sons and daughters should ideally take care of their parents but how many daughters will actually live in the same neighborhood as their parents or find rishtas in the same town? Not many. So there are expectations that are set, i.e. sons taking care of their parents, again thats for the majority. Take care of ILs (and your parents) when they need you, you'll be rewarded Insha'Allah.

[Ex-Guppan]

Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out

Narrated Abdullah bin Mas’ud , I asked Allah’s Messenger :saw: , “O, Allah’s Messenger, what is the best deed?” He replied, “To offer the Salat (prayers) at their early fixed stated times.” I asked, “What is next in goodness?” He replied, “To be good and dutiful to your parents.” I further asked, “What is next in goodness?” He replied, “To participate in Jihad in Allah’s Cause.” I did not ask Allah’s Messenger :saw: anymore, and if I had asked him more, he would have told me more.
[RIGHT]
(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 4. Hadith no. 41)[/RIGHT]