Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
yeah…this totally sucks…Im living in a nightmare right now.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
^ why, whats happened to you?
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Well women after marriage want some privacy and space with their husband and living with your in-laws you don't really get that, but for women in Pak they have no choice at times...for example the other day i was watching a program on Ptv where the candidates would came on stage who are looking for rishtay, now the three candidates were originally from Pak, but now living in UAE and the host put the question to them, would their wife be living with them in the UAE and all 3 answered No...they replied they would be living with their families and taking care of their parents...what kind of one-sided relationship is that.
Women's interest's aren't taken into consideration which is a sad reflection of society back home...where as here in the west women aren't afraid to speak their mind and tell it how it is.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
^ And get villified for being evil, and mean and nasty to old ppl and un-pious 
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
wteffin u talkin about here? does so called 'jahil' women don't have a right to live separate with their husbands? Or u think since she will be 'jahil' u can make her do anything and kind a look down upon her. Like Barfee said, jahil enuff to be molded into u!
Sheesh and here I thought this mentality kind a faded away from our new generation but the germs are still out there. I really wana know now ur input of how you gonna treat IF u end being with-so-called 'jahil' larki!
Answer to the topic: I would prefer her to live away/separate from the joint family IF there is already another sibling residing if have a single parent then b/c of a situation would live with parents. Although I know all girls have a dream to have a separate house with their husbands and there is nothing wrong with it.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Just what sara was saying about having no privacy and stuff... When we got married..hubby and his folks lived in a tiny 2 bedroom apt....a year later after using my money for down payment we bought a nice little house....
The in'laws got the master-bedroom... i didnt complain...i wanted to treat his folks like mine so i let them have the best of things...but my mil has decorated the whole house according to her taste..including furniture..and tiny little knick knacks...dishes...
I dont feel its like my house..i feel like its her house...She doesnt like my taste in things..
Sher brags to everyone about how nicely she decorated the place...I think it looks like crap.
Hubby only lives to please her. His excuse is that they are old and their every wish should be granted cuz they wont be here for long...
She has lived in large luxurious houses before in pak...This is my first...I just wish i had a chance to decorate my house according to my taste...
By the time i get that chance i'll be an old mil myself and my dil will probably say the same thing.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
well i had a bit of everytihng after i got married...after i got married, for two years we lived at my parents home (his parents were in pak), then after i graduated and got a job, hubby and I lived on our own for 3 years..now his parents are coming here to live with us...but i think it will be different..i remember when i went to pak last year, i had so much issues with my inlaws (mainly becuase i was at THEIR house, and in pak there is hardly any freedom , blah blah blah)...but i think when they come here, it will be MY house..i will decorate myself, and other house things , and honestly i think (and pray and hope) that i wont have any issues here with my inlaws....i have my own car, my own money, i could do what i want...lets all just hold hands and pray that things will go smoothly..lol..
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I totally understand that!
I would love to live with his parents [if they are nice otherwise they got themsevles some trouble]
- girl gets married with the entire family.
- i adored my grandparents and iwant my kids to lvoe their grandparents as well. I want them to live with the grandparents. Hear them praying namaz,. their voice and much much more.
I would kill to have only 30 seconds with my grandparents once again- i love mine *sigh
but if my sas is a B - then i am a Wild Ugly Beast for her
- i let go of :D this rishta of a handsome andeducated guy cuase i had issues with his mother :o
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
OH yeah when I have kids I wud want them to come live with us.. i never had any grandparents around 
SO i want my kids ot know their grandparents, their nanna 
and nanni 
and dada and dadi 
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
What a shame :-) that's all I have to say on this topic.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
yeah i love my grandparents...at one time , both sets of my grandparents lived with us...now my mom parents are here and my dads parents in pak...my dad's parents live with my chacha and his family, and my dadi and dada are much closer to my cousins than with me and my siblings..mainly cuz they live with them....
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
She has lived in large luxurious houses before in pak...Th*is is my first...I just wish i had a chance to decorate my house according to my taste...
By the time i get that chance i'll be an old mil myself and my dil will probably say the same thing*.
you've just understood the whole problem of DIL-MIL relationship:D
look at your MIL, and remember as a desi woman from older time, she probably had been oppressed her WHOLE life!! the only hope for most women is to become old and marry her first son so that she can have a nice DIL...and finally enjoy some power;)....over her DIL:D
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
hmmm interesting…i have nothing against living with my MIL and nani in law:blush: after marriage…but my woh has made it clear that it would be better for us to live separately…i guess he wanna avoid all the tensions due to cultural differences btw me and his mom:bummer:
to be really honest i would prefer to be close to MIL because she has experience over pregnancies and babies, unlike me:halo:…and also she has a lot of knowledge i need to grasp.and if his grandmother live long enough inshallah i’d like to learn from her too:blush:especially about culture…
so i think it would be more convenient to live under same roof..but we live in neighborhood…why not?
another thing is, i would feel lonely at home when he’s out for work…but i’m with inlaws…i’d be busy
and i’m afraid of staying alone in a big house:bummer:…as i want a big house…i’d rather have some inlaws there
^^ see all these reasons for living with inlaws are selfish:D…so it’s possible to be selfish and want to live with inlaws;)
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
What is this bakwas that Pakistanis love that "women marry the entire family?" No, first and foremost, they marry their husband. What is wrong with these whipped men who cannot even give their life partners a few months without any interference from the family? Why must young brides be forced to walk on eggshells...no say in the running of the household, no say in what to cook, no say in how to decorate...
Most marriages in Pakistan are arranged, right? It takes a while to get to know each other, as well as get comfortable in the new physical aspect of the relationship. Why must that be done under a microscope? I'm not against combined family living, but I think the best compromise for those who MUST live with their inlaws is for the new couple to live on their own for 6-12 months after the wedding (they can move back after this). This will give them time to establish themselves as a couple as well as for the girl to learn househould duties. I hate it when mother-in-laws suddenly become old and feeble the day their son marries. As if they get some paralyzing disease that they are totally incapable of running their household as they have for the past 30 years, and thereby emotionally blackmailing the son into living with them so they can use the DIL as a servant.
To deny your children the pleasure of starting off alone, to be able to come and go as they please, to be able to dress as they please, even be intimate with their spouse as they please, is total selfishness and breeds bad blood.
Anyways, just my 2 cents...
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Cultural expectations, yeah probably. As far as taking care of your parents, you can live close by and still take care of them. And I'm sure there are some people who live with their parents only to leech off them financially and leave the second they can stand on their own feet. After all, women take care of their parents as well and should do so. People can live close by and be independent.
The idea of living with the in-laws, as far as I know, is not something Arab culture has ever done. So before we go all it's the West, think about other cultures where people are Muslim in the world. The world is bigger than merely the "West" and Pakistan.
assalam alaikum
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I think it all depends, there are people who import girls from pakistan thinkign they will be "khidmat wali" and teh next thing you know is they are moving their sons to some other countries..I think things like these should be discussed before marriage. If the guy expects you to live with his parents and you dont wnat to, then tough! move on :o
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
sometimes you have to listen to the in-laws to make them and your hubby happy. You dont even have in-laws so how can you say that you rather not lsiten to them. What if they are really good to you and wise? you still wont listen to them?
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
your situation Insha'Allah will be a bit different because they are moving into YOUR home. It's already set up the way you want it etc. Not only that but you will feel much more comfortable. Hopefully you will make them feel at home as well. :) wish you the best of luck.
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
Well its just cultural pressure and norm...whereas in Islam ...it is prefered for a husband to provide a separate accomodation to his wife..if he affords it...otherwise also necessary to provide one if wife asks for it...
Generally speaking...if all can live in harmony than no harm in it...otherwise its better to live apart and connected rather than connected and apart...
TC..
Re: Girls in the west, after shaadi want to move out
I dunno, i wud think if htey’re so wonderful and wise, then wudnt’ hubby be too ??? Anyway, isnt it farz to listen to hubby ? never heardof it being farz to be obedient to in laws 