Yeh, try telling that to my other half!
Well the kids need to start pre-school at 4-5 anyway. And actually it is quite good for the child to interact with other children and have some structured activities in their lives from a young age. All my nieces and nephews started pre-school at 2 years (even though their mothers are housewives) and they are all brilliant.
im there with you on that one.
Makes sense.
I don't think many ppl nowadays want more than 2 kids lol. A lot of women think, it's better to be home with your kids than sent them to day care etc. I think i read somewhere that child need his mother the most for first 7 years.
Children start kindergarten when they are 5, they are in 2nd grade by age 7.
^I'm not sure. :p ** Since when is a woman's value and contribution to society measured in a paycheck?**
Why can't you do what makes you happy without putting others down?
We're not talking about paychecks, we're talking about education. If you want to talk about money, it doesn't make sense to me that a girl's parents put in SO MUCH money to pay for that girl's education and then she's told by her in-laws to sit at home. Or that she chooses to sit at home, because all that education meant to her was just another thing to add to her rishta resume.
If you want to just sit at home and do nothing, by all means, do so. But why put your parents through all that pressure of paying for your education (something none of us will understand until our kids come walking in the door with college acceptances to places that cost 40,000 per year for tuition alone and naturally, they barely got scholarships + 100-200,000 dollars worth of post-graduate education)?
Just sit at home and wait for your rishta then. Especially when these girls hog up much required degrees like MD's, etc that are needed out there.
Furthermore, much of the post-grad education out there is actually subsidized by state/government loans/grants, so you can argue that these girls just waste public money by their antics.
We're not talking about paychecks, we're talking about education. If you want to talk about money, it doesn't make sense to me that a girl's parents put in SO MUCH money to pay for that girl's education and then she's told by her in-laws to sit at home. Or that she chooses to sit at home, because all that education meant to her was just another thing to add to her rishta resume.
If you want to just sit at home and do nothing, by all means, do so. But why put your parents through all that pressure of paying for your education (something none of us will understand until our kids come walking in the door with college acceptances to places that cost 40,000 per year for tuition alone and naturally, they barely got scholarships + 100-200,000 dollars worth of post-graduate education)?
Just sit at home and wait for your rishta then. Especially when these girls hog up much required degrees like MD's, etc that are needed out there.
Furthermore, much of the post-grad education out there is actually subsidized by state/government loans/grants, so you can argue that these girls just waste public money by their antics.
lol
Re: Girls and Education
I wouldn't laugh. That's your tax money.
We're not talking about paychecks, we're talking about education. If you want to talk about money, it doesn't make sense to me that a girl's parents put in SO MUCH money to pay for that girl's education and then she's told by her in-laws to sit at home. Or that she chooses to sit at home, because all that education meant to her was just another thing to add to her rishta resume.
If you want to just sit at home and do nothing, by all means, do so. But why put your parents through all that pressure of paying for your education (something none of us will understand until our kids come walking in the door with college acceptances to places that cost 40,000 per year for tuition alone and naturally, they barely got scholarships + 100-200,000 dollars worth of post-graduate education)?
Just sit at home and wait for your rishta then. Especially when these girls hog up much required degrees like MD's, etc that are needed out there.
Furthermore, much of the post-grad education out there is actually subsidized by state/government loans/grants, so you can argue that these girls just waste public money by their antics.
Okay I kind of agree with you on that one, i.e., getting a law/masters/medical/etc degree for the sole purpose of bigging up the rishta CV and not intending to work.
It's one thing to get a degree, work in that field and then get married/have children and take a break from work and become a stay at home mom...
its another to barely finish the degree and then get married and become a stay at home mom/wife without ever having work experience in that relevant field.
that just cracked me up :k:
it all comes down to valueing education… not in terms of getting a good ristha, but its true essence
Re: Girls and Education
I am definitely not pursuing higher education because I want a better rishta. If I wanted the possibility to get the "best" rishta possible, I would get married now (I am 25). But I am pursing a Masters this fall and I want a career. Some people tell me it will be "too late" by the time I want to get married...but I dont get annoyed by it. Because the idea of being financially dependent on someone petrifies me and I like the idea of working, especially in a field I am passionate about.
Re: Girls and Education
Nina, I'm talking to a boy right now (he's probably reading this, and yes, Mr. spit out your chai in suprise, I don't care). And you know what? Despite this being a good match, and both of us having a promising future, finances is STILL an issue. I'm not looking forward to all the things I'm going to have to pay for in this marriage...
You NEED to be independent, because you don't know what you're going ot marry and what obligations he will have. Maybe he wont be able to even afford to get you your own place and guess who is making payments on your apartment? YOU.
Go figure. The economy out there is really bad and cost of living just keeps getting worse. You REALLY should have a job, and an income, so that if anything, you can at least work with your husband to build a home.
Whatever. Get your own job, get on your own two feet, and let the ones who tell you that you wont get married go to hell. They're all going to, in 20 years, be WISHING their wives could work and sustain themselves.
They're all going to, in 20 years, be WISHING their wives could work and sustain themselves.
I was actually thinking the same too and have really seen it happening. At the time of marriage men do not want a working wife but when kids come and it becomes too much for the MAN OF THE HOUSE to run the house expenses on his own. He requests the wifey to go get a job , someone whom he didn't allow to work at the time of marriage. Halat kabhi same nahi rehtay.
Re: Girls and Education
:-)
Yeah, let these macho men talk all they want. When the bills start rolling in, they're all probably wishing they married the surgeon.
:o
:-)
Yeah, let these macho men talk all they want. When the bills start rolling in, they're all probably wishing they married the surgeon.
:o
When will you (other girls on this forum) realize that not everyone cares about money. There are people who wouldn't mind having less money as long as they are with someone who cares about them. You keep your focus on making money, social status etc i just hope you don't regret this down the road. I don't know your situation is so may i ask if you are married, single, divorced? I hope it's not too personal.
Re: Girls and Education
^ it's not about focus on money. People take decisions according to their halat/life's circumstances. Money can not save your marriage , it's true & there is no doubt about it !
When will you (other girls on this forum) realize that not everyone cares about money. There are people who wouldn't mind having less money as long as they are with someone who cares about them. You keep your focus on making money, social status etc i just hope you don't regret this down the road. I don't know your situation is so may i ask if you are married, single, divorced? I hope it's not too personal.
Conversely, why should men hold it against women if they are making some money on the side, or prevent them from continuing their jobs because they can't stand that someone else in the household has any importance outside the bedroom? And may I ask, are you married, single, or divorced? I hope it's not too personal. I wonder how many rishtas you've rejected because she was educated, or she worked, and you preferred she give that all up so you can feel like you don't "need to care about money".
?
^ it's not about focus on money. People take decisions according to their halat/life's circumstances. Money can not save your marriage , it's true & there is no doubt about it !
True i agree with you. I'm fairly new but so far what i have read.. women (most of them) seem to only care money, social status and stuff. I don't think those can provide you happiness. As long as you have enough money you need, that's all it matters.
I believe it's person heart, respect, caring, his attitude towards you etc that matter the most. What difference does it make if you drive 7 series or Honda? Both cars will take you from point A to point B. Isn't that main purpose of a car? Same things could be said about the house. yet women are mainly focus on these material things instead of what truly matters, the person you'll be marrying.
Re: Girls and Education
Who is talking about brands of cars here?
I think you're jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst of posters here. I've actually personally met some of the ladies here, and they're all outstanding women.
Better than the male scum I consistently see every time I go to the masjid or an eid dinner.
True i agree with you. I'm fairly new but so far what i have read.. women (most of them) seem to only care money, social status and stuff. I don't think those can provide you happiness. As long as you have enough money you need, that's all it matters.
I believe it's person heart, respect, caring, his attitude towards you etc that matter the most. What difference does it make if you drive 7 series or Honda? Both cars will take you from point A to point B. Isn't that main purpose of a car? Same things could be said about the house. yet women are mainly focus on these material things instead of what truly matters, the person you'll be marrying.
u cant generalise lahori.
and PCG totally agree with you with the fact that men will prob wish down the track they did marry someone who could help out.
Is that much of an ego issue if the girl pays the bills now and then?
Conversely, why should men hold it against women if they are making some money on the side, or prevent them from continuing their jobs because they can't stand that someone else in the household has any importance outside the bedroom? And may I ask, are you married, single, or divorced? I hope it's not too personal. I wonder how many rishtas you've rejected because she was educated, or she worked, and you preferred she give that all up so you can feel like you don't "need to care about money".
?
I think you are missing my point. I am not saying anything about women making money or having more success than men. In fact, isn't that a good thing? i mean why wouldn't husband want his wife to have success? wouldn't you feel proud that your wife is doing something good, not only for herself but also for society? As long as she isn't putting career over family. But as far as men who are intimidated by women who make more money than them, i have no idea why that is, what goes thr their head. I wouldn't have any problems.
I'm single. I havn't rejected any girls. I sure hope it would never come down to it. Thats why i would perfer my ma to get to know the girls without giving hints for rishta too see if she is what i am looking for and if she rejects me i am fine with that. I would rather get rejected than reject some girl esp if she is interested in me. If there is anything in life i could have right now, i would want a good wife. But sadly few ppl in my family (relatives) have divorced so that kinda got to me. I am lil scared. last thing in life i want is divorced. I want my first and last love to be my wife.
But when i do decide to go for rishta. I would be more interested in her, not the family (status wise) she belongs to or how much money she could bring in. I would be more interested in her character and if she happens to be well educated and interested, good for me. If she isn't educated, i wouldn't care b/c education, status, money are not my top priorities. I have seen a lot of happy ppl who wern't rich, educated, certainly not as educated as some people on this forum. So, to me education, money isn't key to happiness when it comes to marriage. It's her.
sorry for typing errors and stuff :)
I think men wishing for a working wife and women looking for money in marriage are two very different topics.
most of the working (married) woman work because they want to have a career and they want to have a better life ......so how can it be wrong ? atleast she is using her two hands & feet and utilising her brain to make her dream come true. Isn't it better than asking from someone or cheating someone to get something that you want or stealing from someone (which is more common that we think it is). what is wrong in doing mehnat and earning rizq-e-halal ?
women looking for money ONLY is another issue. money is something that you need to live your life nicely , it is not LIFE in it self. It can not save your marriage. But I am yet to meet such a woman who will just look for money , mostly women do want a loving husband and a nice house hold thats it.
There is no right approach or answer to this problem. It depends completely upon the understanding of husband and wife. I myself don't agree with men who thinks that women's place is in kitchen only and her work is only to cook & clean. But I also believe that money isn't everything. Women can have dreams/goals too , she can also wish for a career , if she doesn't want to sit at home for the rest of her life then what is wrong with that ? if she wants to work does that make her greedy for money ? how can a man decide that a place for a woman is in the kitchen ? once a woman gets married or becomes a mother her life or her own self does not die , she is still a living person with wishes , likes & dislikes. Why do we expect women to completely finish her own identity & kill her wishes just because she is married to someone now ? working or not working .......it's her own choice & she should make her own decision....Allah has also given woman ability to think and she is not a slave and she can make her own decision and we all should better respect that.
Re: Girls and Education
I think men SHOULD prefer girls with an education as oppose to NO education, because an educated woman will raise your kids better, and they’ll be smarter and more successful in school. Which means better job options for them. This kind of stuff has been proven in studies which show the offspring of educated women are more successful overall.
I know monetary success means nothing, but when you have kids, you don’t want them to ever not have a roof over their head, or have difficulty making rent payments or buying food for themselves. And it’s really easy to fall into that trap if you don’t make smart decisions in life.
Having said that, many kids from uneducated moms have done well, but then the onus is on YOU to emphasize that education. It’s hard when your wife is not on the same page as you are, because education means nothing to her.
Education these days, is the key to getting a decent job. I’m not talking about education → high flying job, so if no education → its ok, you can live without a high flying job.
These days its : education → you’re not going to starve.
So, you take your pick. Your decisions will eventually bite you in the butt 20 years from now when your kids are older and you’ll be relying on them to take care of you.
It’s easier if they’re a professional or have thier own business or something. It’s not easy if they’re working at Subway serving sandwhiches for minimum wage, which I see a lot of desi guys here in florida doing.
Plus, there is nothing wrong with some good retirement planning. An educated wife will help you along a lot more with all this compared to the girl you imported from Pakistan who can’t speak English.
Plus, now that I’m seeing this with personal experiences, you don’t want your wife to be dependent on her kids. You want her to be able to do some basic things. speak the language of the country, be able to drive around, be able to pay her bills and manage a checkbook if it came down to it, learn how to manage the household money without splurging unnecessarily, learning how to get around in the community and getting things done (get a driver’s license, get ownership to home and car and other assets, transfer ownerships, know insurance and be able to pick the right insurance plans for your kids), etc - all important if you die, and she’s left behind in caring for your kids.
You think someone with a high school education can do all that? You’d be surprised. Most kids coming out of high school in America can’t even do basic math properly.
Maybe “education” in Pakistan is different, but to marry a reasonably functioning non-moronic woman who can hold her own if she needs to - she really needs to be at least past high school, in college, where she’s learning basic life skills.
Having said that, I’ve met post grad kids who can’t get their taxes straight.
shrugs
Just make sure she has some street smarts, if nothing else. And that she speaks some English. 