i dont understand how the soon to be inlaws expect so many gifts? its kinsd of a shame tht we practice these hindu raasams. I understand if the parents are happily giving their daughter wutever they can afford. isnt it enuff tht sum1 is giving u their everything....a DAUGHTER??
when the topic came about giving gifts to my fiance's extended family gifts he gave me an hr long lecture bc he doesnt want my parents spending any $ on anyone the most tht he's allowing is to give his immediate family even tht was a mission and we're still giving his mamu's and thier wives suits but all is going to cause an argument btwn him and i but i cant do anything about it bc mom has already prepared all the unsticched 3 piece suits for all the extended family. And im not telling him until the day they all get the suits im dead meat hes gonna kill me!!
u should only give wutever u can easily dont worry about wut other ppl give bc wut may suit others may not suit u.
(to rabia) Sadly, thats why my most people want to get gifts, to show off the wealth of their samdhis. I wish your mom hadnt asked them about their gift giving tradition. Afterall, its THEIR tradition, not yours. Giving to siblings is ok in my book although i dont think they need to get anything but this is like stretching it way far. I know it used to happen 30 years ago when my parents got married but not anymore.
well since something else that was pratice in my family was different frm what they have in theirs... i guess she thgth she better ask. (in my family the guys side gives both barat and valima outfits for the bride...but is his family they only give the valima outfit-- but my mom told MIL to give the money for the outfit and we will work out something...i just hope i get eng $$$$).
Why don't you speak to your fiance and ask him to sort this out? Your MIL's reason of showing off the gifts to her family is quite sad, really. To satisfy these materialistic needs, they should not be making your family waste their money and time buying gifts. If she's so concerned, tell her to buy the presents herself and give it to her family saying it's from you. As if the bride's family doesn't have enough things to pay for, ek aur museebat sar pey.
^ thanks shay..i will talk to him, i just hope he doesn't say i will give u the money n u can buy them (its not just abt the money its also abt this being so silly).
I've heard some stories about the future MIL (i.e. my own nani) visiting the bahu's home and asking her parents to NOT give any furniture, appliances...
I have also heard of two incidents where the MIL RETURNED the gifts that were given to her and the rest of the family. In one incident it was polki karas and the other included suits for the men and women in the immediate family. I think that sets a very good example because saying that you don't want anything is one thing, returning what was given to you shows that you stuck to what you said earlier.
for my wedding were planning to give:
MIL : gold set and suir
FIL: suit. tie n shirt
BIL: shirt tie trs
SILs: gold necklaces and suit
other ppl: suits
what do u guys think?
for my wedding were planning to give:
MIL : gold set and suir
FIL: suit. tie n shirt
BIL: shirt tie trs
SILs: gold necklaces and suit
other ppl: suits
what do u guys think?
other ppl is where the problem for me comes in. plz stop this crazyness...sorry i dont mean to be rude but my MIL asked for "other PPL sutis too" 40 other ppl. n since some families decided to give to other ppl, families like mine suffer. :(
i m not trying to stop you (which i knw u wont) but i guess i wanted to vent. sorry.
other ppl is where the problem for me comes in. plz stop this crazyness...sorry i dont mean to be rude but my MIL asked for "other PPL sutis too" 40 other ppl. n since some families decided to give to other ppl, families like mine suffer. :(
i m not trying to stop you (which i knw u wont) but i guess i wanted to vent. sorry.
i mean other ppl as in husbunds fathers brother n wife
and hubbys mothers sisters n mum
bit of a complicated rishta but hubbys mum and dad r both my cuzins, so there quite close
hey rabia instead of giving gifts to all the uncles why dont you just give all the aunts shawls instead of suits that should help its cost and dont give like 40 shawls give wut ever u easily can. Went to a wedding once and they had loads of extended family members and the brides side only gave as much as they could and the MIL ended up buying the remaining gifts on her own since there were too many ppl in the family. I dont think u should stress and go crazy about giveing like 40 suits it even sounds absurd to even think tht someone can possibly afford tht many...
^ its really not abt the money (cuz even if we did give we would give simple fabric something in the 500-1000range ) but i m more worried abt what if my MIL decided to ask for something else.
I am going to talk to him abt it...n tell him this is ok but nothing else plz.
n shawls is a great idea...i will keep that one in mind too.
I completely understand where ure coming from but its the stupid tradition tht ppl have been practicing for years and no one to put a stop to it i so badly wish all this non sense would stop bc its pointless you dont even see these extented family members for years and they end up getting gifts its really not fair i am so against this stupid gift giving to the extended family and ure right if u fulfill one requirement then there is a possibility of some other request occurring so its like u said its best if u talk to ur fiance and make him understand why u feel the way u do.
yes thats what i m talking abt too (my MIL and FIL brothers and sister, and they equal up to 40 ppl).
but nm. ur list is good and i will be giving the same things except well have not decided on the other ppls :D
omg God 40 ppl :( thats scary well mine only number up to about 8 ppl so i suppose its ok... and for those people it will only be suits like the ladies it will be unstiched suits and there like £10 each
I completely understand where ure coming from but its the stupid tradition tht ppl have been practicing for years and no one to put a stop to it i so badly wish all this non sense would stop bc its pointless you dont even see these extented family members for years and they end up getting gifts its really not fair i am so against this stupid gift giving to the extended family and ure right if u fulfill one requirement then there is a possibility of some other request occurring so its like u said its best if u talk to ur fiance and make him understand why u feel the way u do.
ur totally right giving gifts to extended family and who u dnt even see, my mum always sends stuff to ppl we dnt even see, they dnt bother to send any gifts back or to phone to say thank u. so ive told my mum no more gifts unless close family!
hi guys .. i m getting married in may .. since this is like first wedding in our family we didn't know what to get for groom and his family ..
we are thinking to get gold Bangles(kara), 2 suits and one shawl
for FIL one shirt, pant, tie and watch
for SIL gold bracelet, 2 suits and shawl
for BIL coat(the one u wear on jeans) shirt and cologne
n for my fiance we already got movado watch
n we r planning on giving him 3 shirts ... one shalwar qameez stitched , one cologne
n suit, shoes , shirt n tie for valima ..
n we r not getting anything for his extended family since they all live in pakistan .. n i dun see any point of getting anything for them.. his dad is 4 bros n 4 sis ... n mom also has 8 bro n sis .. n we dun plan on getting anything for them ...
I know someone who gave about 140 unstitched suits just for women in the in-laws EXTENDED family (about 70), on top of that shirts and sweaters and shoes for about 30 men. Close family got some jewellery / watches to boot. All this bcos the MIL said thats is what u r gonna need to give.
So there was massive excitement from the in-laws extended folks as to what they received from this treasure chest, and the MIL was highly pleased with herself that the new DIL had generated such WOW's from the crowd with the sheer number of items her parents had bought for them.
So anyway, the girl's parents learned from their mistake and in their next daughters wedding they gave ONLY the IMMEDIATE family simple gifts, one suit each and artificial jewellery item for the girls, suit , shirt n tie and shoes for the males. There were grumbles from the extended family, but hey, they couldn't force them to bestow gifts.
