that’s cute! i used to think it was silly to dress up so much but when i got married i did the same. and the one or two times i didn’t dress up i had to hear some stupid comment or other. 
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
well we gave on engagement ...
FIL.... 3 suits(pent coat set)
MIL... 3 suits (fancy bareeze',embroiderd, kaam waly.) a gold set
dadi saas... 2 suits(bareeze, n fancy...n earrings (gold)
2 phopho saas ....gold earrings(1 suit bareeze, 1 fancy other)
1 aunty..........gold earings (1 suits bareeze, 1 other)
n their husbands ....1 shalwar qameez 1 pent coat suit.
om wedding...
rado watches for all gents ....n dreesess.
MIL ....dresses n gold bangles.
dadi saas ....gold mala n dresses.
that phophus and auntis...gold sets and dressses.
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
They don't need to get any gift, you are (or should be) their gift. :)
Please stop this custom of wasting money. Just give part to poor they will be happy and pray for you!
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
Decent, its easy for you to say, you are the guy. Do you think, most of the MIL's would let their bahu live if she didnt get the customary joray and jewelery from their son's inlaws?
Decent, its easy for you to say, you are the guy. Do you think, most of the MIL's would let their bahu live if she didnt get the customary joray and jewelery from their son's inlaws?
I am not only saying it, I did it. I did not have to push my ammi too much for this. and she strictly asked my wife's mom not to give anything in the name of jahaiz (although they did give sets, joras etc to my wife anyway)
Although I agree, this is something that Guy has to press for but I assume that Toronto bride is in touch with hubby-2-b so she can talk to her. Its about time everyone of us (specially well educated guys and gals) speak about it to our parents. Even if they dont listen to us now, other parents will in future. We should promise to ourself that when we are going to be parents of bride or groom, we will not get involve in this waste of money and wahiyaat rasmeen
There is no limit to waste of money. Just look at the list of fazeelat rados, gold malas, dresses to exteeeeeeeeended family
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
^I would love for you to explain that to my mom. When I got upset at her for giving out so much stuff, she said it was all tradition. And the fact that other aunties kept telling her that no no, you MUST give this and that, it made it all so much worse. My rukhsati is coming up and I have told my husband to call my mother and tell her firmly that she should not do all that because she will not listen to me.
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
MY TURN ....
i js have my engagement last month.....
we gave:
groom : diamond ring + wrist watch + kurta shalwar from junaid jamshed + 2 formal suits wid tie n cuflinks + colonge
MIL : 2 suits + gold earrings.
All BILs : suits ( i have 4 BIL's+1 nandoi)
All SILS : a suit + shawl each (1nands & 3 jethani)
fiance's frnd n his wife both were given suits...
^I would love for you to explain that to my mom. When I got upset at her for giving out so much stuff, she said it was all tradition. And the fact that other aunties kept telling her that no no, you MUST give this and that, it made it all so much worse. My rukhsati is coming up and I have told my husband to call my mother and tell her firmly that she should not do all that because she will not listen to me.
whenz ur rukhsati..? i doubt ur mother gonna listen to ur hubby...
i guess its parents love,they don't wanna send off their daughters khaali hath, may b its that.. but wen it gets too much, like someone said, rado watches, lots n' lots of gold etc etc isn't good really..
well when Allah has given them loads,y not give cash to the bride n groom to start their new life... rather than givin things to extended families.when the bride goes into that family, she can give gifts etc on different occassions...
i dunno really.. jus my 2 cents!
after reading some of the lists mentioned above i was like 
in our family both families give gifts to each other like suits shawls colonges etc but gift should be gift not something to, i may say, scare others..
and then if some body opts to give such expensive gifts then he should not expect the same in return and should not atleast complain afterwards.
i am the only child of my parents and MA the can afford every thing as jahaiz for me. but u know what my MIL stricly told my mom not to give any thing because they have evry thing in their home,Alhamdulillah.. My mother was literally forced by my Husband and MIL not to buy furniture etc
Had somebody Watched Ashfaq Ahmad’s Drama on PTV “Tehmeena ki kahani Ustani Rahat ki Zubani”.. I hope i have written correct name of the Drama? very relevant to this topic!!
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
^well i m only sis of 3 bros n a big bahuu n have 1 dewar (very young).
my inlaws also strictly told not to give any jahez like thing to me...(u can c our furniture in this site) my in las house is recently well renovated n everything is new n very expensive.... so my parents gave me somethings coz we (me n hubby) had to shift to another city for studies but after marriage couldnt shift there.
for that purpose my parents gave me all kitchen stuff,washin machine (auto),dinner sets,bed sets , car n cash also.
u can say i had everything excluding furniture..(lakin uski jagah cash dey diya).
inlaws said not to give all these stuff but my parents did. n i personally think parents shud give important stuff if they ca afford
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
^ I think giving to the couple (if they need it) is fine, but giving so much sona and stuff to the in laws is a tradition that needs to die soon.
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
me and my husband got an apt right before we got married so we needed a lot of stuff and we basically divided it. husband paid for everything in the living room, furniture, awesome tv, and my parents paid for the bedroom furniture and kitchen appliances (since i was a student and couldnt pay myself).
but yeh, i so agree that this crap about giving in laws gold jewelry and expensive watches is a load of sh*t and i will definitely not be doing it with my kids... daughters or sons. and ill make sure my daughters dont marry into families that expect all that retarded stuff. ill also force my son's in laws not to give us anything (ofcourse unless they insist on giving me a house or car) haha im jk. if things need to be given, they should only be given to the bride and groom.
OK i m bring this back becuase well…i have a question n didn’t want start a new topic.
anyways my MIL called this past weekend (frm lahore, she calls one weekend and i call them one weekend)…anyways my mother asked her what happens in their family as far as gift gifting. She actually asked my mom to gift (suits) all of his uncles and aunts (both frm dad side and mom side) and mA they have a very BIG family – total number of uncles n aunties is 40 – im not joking its 40.
my poor mom try to say something but my MIL change the topic…my mom told me and i was so mad.
I think its crazy.
what shld i do? or what shld my mom do?
i think v shld stop it that this or else :nomoney: n god knw what will be next.
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
oh wow.
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
in our family we dont do that.... but on my khala's shaadi... her susral wale got upset and did a lot of drama after shaadi.......... well woh shaadi tu totally ajeeb thi hummari family main... we didnt do doodh pilai ki rasam as well... so my khalo was all upset at my khala.... keh ur sisters didn't take doodh palai from me..... we still recall that and laugh crazy!!!
but ya gifting is crzy..... ek tu larki do... upper saye itna kuch aur do..... kyun??? the guy's fammily should be gifting larki wale..........
it all comes under show off and is a total waste of money............ agar boht zidha kuch dehna hai tu keep to guy's mother and sisters thats all about it.
gifting 40 uncles and aunties... jin main saye zidha tar saye shaadi keh waqt hi milna hai.... tu unko itna kuch kyun deh!!!
lol oh wow.... i dont know how people can openly ask for stuff.
Its just beyond my understanding, ive never come across anyone like that....ever
my mother in law keeps telling my mom not to do anything... infact she said you dont even need to make real gold jewelry its too much, just get artificial set and no one has to know and dont even tell us... :) (thats why i luv her)
I think that if you are not comfortable giving such expensive stuff than you need to speak up and say something. Chances are if stuff like this can happen before it could happen after too.
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
hey,
to offend less people and to make things fair, i would only gift the WOMEN. that is, u can give each woman on their side an unstitched suit so that would cut it down to like 20 gifts instead 40. OR, what is even a nicer idea which CANNOT be disputed is giving each couple a quranic ayat framed. It's very nice and if they fear God they won't complain :)
because honestly, 40 is WAY too much. and if the men get upset that their wives got something and they didn't , there's something really wrong with that family.
hey,
to offend less people and to make things fair, i would only gift the WOMEN. that is, u can give each woman on their side an unstitched suit so that would cut it down to like 20 gifts instead 40. OR, what is even a nicer idea which CANNOT be disputed is giving each couple a quranic ayat framed. It's very nice and if they fear God they won't complain :)
because honestly, 40 is WAY too much. and if the men get upset that their wives got something and they didn't , there's something really wrong with that family.
OMG i really like both ur ideas.
n yes it is show off...my MIL is very simple and i do love her...but only this is where i m like wth...she said she wants her whole family to be like "oh look how much rabia is bringing"
Re: Gifts to Groom's Side!
^ ten tell ehr to buyteh stuff herself and just pretend that u guys gave it :p