Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
Both.
You frequently make reference to Islam or talk about miserably unhappy, socially awkward Muslims are in your arguments so how can you term the idea of exchanging "gift" (I know you didn't directly term it) as evil when its a Sunnah and explanation given that it brings people closer? Or are you saying it only becomes evil during wedding days but a totally acceptable, in fact, a commendable act when done to mark other celebratory occasions?
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
I think the concept of Jahaiz is evil - full stop.
If my parents gave me or my husband or both a wedding gift, I can appreciate that.
If my parents are under pressure to give certain items or a certain amount of cash because of the in-laws...I won't let that happen.
Its the "layn dayn" in our culture that gets out of hand at times.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
I said no to a jahaiz which I always thought were desi clothes because a) it's tacky and b) I don't really attend desi events except for a random wedding once a year. My fiance's mom wanted to get me a gold set, I said no. It's such a waste to buy expensive gold and then have it locked up in a safety deposit box forever, I'm never going to wear it again. I even told my parents I don't want any useless gold desi jewellery but my mom and dad insisted so we compromised on a Rolex. Something I'll actually wear every day and it has re-sale value should I ever need to.
Dowry? I dunno we're registering for gifts and my fiance and his parents wouldn't dare ask my parents... His gift to him for marrying me is ME dammit!
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
I think the concept of Jahaiz is evil - full stop.
If my parents gave me or my husband or both a wedding gift, I can appreciate that.
If my parents are under pressure to give certain items or a certain amount of cash because of the in-laws...I won't let that happen.
Its the "layn dayn" in our culture that gets out of hand at times.
It treats the marriage like a business transaction... Or like old school bartering.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
I give you donkey if you take my kid off my hands.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
There are some families that really go extreme with this, like Bantwa memons. Haha, if you wanna marry a girl, find a Bantwa girl, and you're GOLD. My friend's family, when she got married, guess what her husband got? A car, a nice watch, and...drum roll...A HOUSE. Yep that's right. A HOUSE.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
Does your friend have any single sisters :halo:?
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
lol, NO
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
my friend married girl of a rich man...he got Houses in Mumbai, 3 cars, a factory, business interests, servants...all in jahez! :D
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
There is something very wrong with our people.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
There is something very wrong with our people.
Yep. Girls are seen as worthless and therefore must come with an array of goods in order to get married.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
Yep. Girls are seen as worthless and therefore must come with an array of goods in order to get married.
More like a counter balance to offset the pain and misery that is sure to follow :)
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
aghh i hate this whole concept of jahaiz but luckily so did my mil and she strictly said no to jahaiz my parents initially wanted to gift me a bedroom set but my mil and husband went and bought a new bedroom as they were moving into our new house so they set it up for us.
i was very adamant about not taking any jahaiz and so my parents agreed. i didn't want any gold either (neither from my parents nor his) but i ended up inheriting my grandmothers heirloom necklace, and my moms set and tikka and on the other hand my mil wanted to sell one of her sets and buy me a new one but i said i'd rather take it as is cause that would be an heirloom for my kids one day which i would appreciate much more than any random one she buys me and my mil was very happy with my decision.
however, my parents did gift my in laws a lot of stuff like gold set and suits to my mil and sil and my husbands grandma watches and perfume for husband, bil and fil along with money for all 3 of their clothes. my cousin (she was helping out with wedding as I was the first to get married in my family) was very adamant that we must give all the gifts on the stage and crap but i thought that looks sooooo tacky!!! and i said nooo way thats not happening. and my parents agreed with me so they wrapped everything nicely and took it over to his house before the wedding when they were invited for dinner. i really hate the whole showing off that goes up on the stage.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
aghh i hate this whole concept of jahaiz but luckily so did my mil and she strictly said no to jahaiz my parents initially wanted to gift me a bedroom set but my mil and husband went and bought a new bedroom as they were moving into our new house so they set it up for us.
i was very adamant about not taking any jahaiz and so my parents agreed. i didn't want any gold either (neither from my parents nor his) but i ended up inheriting my grandmothers heirloom necklace, and my moms set and tikka and on the other hand my mil wanted to sell one of her sets and buy me a new one but i said i'd rather take it as is cause that would be an heirloom for my kids one day which i would appreciate much more than any random one she buys me and my mil was very happy with my decision.
however, my parents did gift my in laws a lot of stuff like gold set and suits to my mil and sil and my husbands grandma watches and perfume for husband, bil and fil along with money for all 3 of their clothes. my cousin (she was helping out with wedding as I was the first to get married in my family) was very adamant that we must give all the gifts on the stage and crap but i thought that looks sooooo tacky!!! and i said nooo way thats not happening. and my parents agreed with me so they wrapped everything nicely and took it over to his house before the wedding when they were invited for dinner. i really hate the whole showing off that goes up on the stage.
See I think this really depends...,personally I would really hate to have to live in furniture that others (besides me and my husband) Have picked out, so yeah if my parents were going to buy it i would prefer that over something that my mil was going to get---at least I'd Have a say in the matter.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
Well you should have a say in the matter, that's not the issue. The issue is why is the girls' parents paying for everything when supposedly religion and culture dictates that MEN are the providors? Then if you need something to cook food for him, or you need something to sleep on with him, isn't the onus on HIM to pay for it?
Men and their families are picking and choosing when to be real men. When it comes to dictating your clothing (ie hijab) or your activities (cook for me), then they're the men. But when it comes to paying for something, they expect you to bring it into the marriage. Well while her parents are gifting her, why don't we have them pay for our home furnishings.
Bizarre.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
haha, no no my husband and I selected the furniture as he was set on not letting my parents buy it and my parents told me to select it anyways so we looked for it together and we decided on a set together and then he went and showed it to his mom. we had been together for 8 years (since highschool) before we got married so we had a very good understanding with each other :) and not just that even while his mom was buying dinning table and living room furniture they tried to involve me as much as they could so i could help pick out all that too.
See I think this really depends...,personally I would really hate to have to live in furniture that others (besides me and my husband) Have picked out, so yeah if my parents were going to buy it i would prefer that over something that my mil was going to get---at least I'd Have a say in the matter.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
This shaadi related traditions/rasms/gifts/joray/samaaan is all propagated by women. I have seen multiple times taht men in the family don't want any of this BS........but the womenz to great lengths to carry out all these retarded ''traditions'' because ''aisay hi hota hai"...... Becharay men go bankrupt paying for all these bakwaasiat.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
Oh yes PCG...people still do that even after living in western countries. I know someone who got married, a couple of years ago. Her parents bought gold bangle sets for the mother in law, a really expensive watch for the FIL. When they gave the gifts, the MIL just looked at the bangles, made a face and looked away. No smile, no thank yous, no hugs nothing. I was sooo shocked.
That sounds like some epic star plus drama material.
Just a few pandits in the back.
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
But it's not YOUR bedroom. They granted you and husband some space temporarily, and now you live somewhere else so THAT'S where YOUR bedroom is. The MIL's home is her home and she and her family sleep where they want. Just because you put some furniture there doesn't make it YOUR bedroom. In fact you shouldn't have taken furniture for a room that you're not going to live in anyway.
I feel like I'm talking to my chachee
Yeah I don't get that - if I bought furniture, especially big furniture like a bed and wardrobe or something, when I moved out I would TAKE IT WITH ME! Why leave it in someone else's house and then expect no-one to use it?! So weird....
Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
This shaadi related traditions/rasms/gifts/joray/samaaan is all propagated by women. I have seen multiple times taht men in the family don't want any of this BS........but the womenz to great lengths to carry out all these retarded ''traditions'' because ''aisay hi hota hai"...... Becharay men go bankrupt paying for all these bakwaasiat.
If a man doesn't like these traditions, then he can easily put his foot down to his mother and say "no".