Okay, So I had this friend "M"in school when I was living in Karachi. then, I moved out of PK with family and had little contact with that friend. Last year, M got married and came to Canada with her husband and we began talking once a week or so. she is a nice girl to talk to and all but the problem is, since I’m her only friend in Canada so far, she tells me almost every detail of her married like such as when she is on pills because they don’t kids and when she began trying for kids, what has her husband told her about intimacy, which movies they like to watch together after marriage and what not really. So far, I’ve been patient enough to listen to her talks but it’s making me more and more uncomfortable to listen to her.
How should I let her know, while being polite, that I neither feel comfortable nor appreciate getting all the intimate details of her life?
some (most) things should stay between husband & wife.. she needs to realise that, tell her how u feel im sure she doesn't even realise it, hopefully she will understand & stop
Surprisingly, there are many ladies who like to share such details with other ladies. I too know of a person who takes every opportunity to discuss her personal matters with me. If over the phone, I make an excuse and tell her I will call later, and if in person, I tell her that we should avoid talking such things in front of the kids.
Just be straight up in a nice, polite way and tell her that certain things should be kept between spouses and that you enjoy her friendship but dont like to hear intimate details of her marriage. If she seems hurt or offended, ask her if she would like it if her husband shared such personal details with his buddies?
The poor lass is obviously having a tough time and looking for someone to confide in. No one LIKES to divulge intimate details...that is, unless there are troubles that are too hard to figure out independently. A GOOD friend is there for everything and anything. An acquaintance is not. PEople generally do not CHOOSE their problems. But they can and do choose who they confide in to help in resolving them. You should, imo, be honored that this gal has chosen to confide in you. and if you arent comfortable in trying to help her work things out then tell her that those things are just over your head.
MO3, the lady I was talking about gets some kind of thrills discussing these issues. And she doesn't talk to just me, in which case I would agree to what you are saying about offering advice and friendship. This person talks to anyone around. And pretty much all the details you can imagine. I hate to be critical here and jump to conclusions, but maybe it's just a habit.
a wise person said on this forum once...teh type of things ladies share about their husbands and private matters with one another, guys dont even come close to sharing such stuff with other guys.
a wise person said on this forum once...teh type of things ladies share about their husbands and private matters with one another, guys dont even come close to sharing such stuff with other guys.
I've probably said somethng like that in the past....and I do agree with it. Yet, it sounds like the poor soul who is the subject here is very lonely without friend or family, in a new country with a husband that she likely doesnt know well yet. When she talks about private matters, it should be with her husband or her family but then, she doesnt yet know her husband well and she doesnt have any family here. I can understanding confiding in the one friend that she has. Its not like she's being a chatty gossip with a group of hens kwim?
Probably the best thing to say to her is "things would get better for you more quickly if you talked these thinngs over with your husband" or something like that. Once she sees her hubby as a friend, she will have less need to talk about these things with you.
I wouldn't go with a guy vs gal comparison here, since thats not the point of this thread.
Thing is, seems like this lady deems you as a friend **and you want to treat her as an **aquintance. Basic difference.
If you are really that uncomfortable, and want to be blunt you can tell her upfront that she needs to shut her traphole about intimate stuff. If you are the indirect type, then just slip somerwhere in your part of the conversation that you'd feel very embarassed about sharing personal details with anyone since you believe such things should remain private, unless there is an issue. If she is even slightly smart, she'd get the message. Feel sorry for her though. To only have one "friend" in a new country and to be treated like that! :-|
there should always be some distance b/w friends and you should be more intimate with ure partner – tell her
