Yes, Reha. Youre right. But as I mentioned before, Pakistani men are raised to believe that all they have to offer a woman is gifts and financial security. Thats the only reason why a woman would be interested in them. and affection has to be earned from women that way.
I suggested this before and it offended a lot of people. Its good that a woman has stated the same
I did not say exactly that all a woman is interested in is financial security from a man, and that is the only way to earn the woman's affection. But as icicle said, its the insecurities. Girls fee insecure before marriage, and specially those engaged to guys abroad feel even more insecure. So that's why some parents (who feel insecure about their daughter's futures) try to 'secure' the daughter's future by asking for a large mehar etc. Maybe she's getting this mentality from her friends/family, if not her parents. If she's wise she will be able to get rid of her insecurities sooner or later after marriage, but she might not and then she will keep behaving like this for all her life.
Being kind, good and understanding themselves can't be defined by set boundaries :) everybody has their own view of kind, good and understanding.
But I don't think anyone will agree that 3 weeks before the wedding, someone throwing tantrums saying they are only going forward with the wedding cuz of the family/demanding more money is an act of kindness. Nor do I think anyone would describe being understanding as not understanding that your significant other has a social life as well/or is too tired to talk because of work.
Being kind, good and understanding themselves can't be defined by set boundaries :) everybody has their own view of kind, good and understanding.
No, they don't. The idea of being good, kind and understanding is universal...no matter what culture you're from...a gold digger is still a gold digger. She doesn't turn into a gift from God in Japan while being a gold digger in the US.
I did not say exactly that all a woman is interested in is financial security from a man, and that is the only way to earn the woman's affection. But as icicle said, its the insecurities. Girls fee insecure before marriage, and specially those engaged to guys abroad feel even more insecure. So that's why some parents (who feel insecure about their daughter's futures) try to 'secure' the daughter's future by asking for a large mehar etc. Maybe she's getting this mentality from her friends/family, if not her parents. If she's wise she will be able to get rid of her insecurities sooner or later after marriage, but she might not and then she will keep behaving like this for all her life.
As a general rule, you can assume that the lesser a woman is attracted to her husband-to-be, the more gifts and monetary assurance she expects.
There was a thread on this forum a year ago, when the moderators used to be less politically correct, started by a female member who said she has asked her husband to buy her a diamond ring** in return** for the 'best sex ever'. This sh1t seems to be quite prevalent among Pakistani couples. So the point is that, in the OP's case, its very likely his fiance's behavior has nothing to do with her insecurities, unlike you suggest.
No, they don't. The idea of being good, kind and understanding is universal...no matter what culture you're from...a gold digger is still a gold digger. She doesn't turn into a gift from God in Japan while being a gold digger in the US.
Yes if she really is a gold digger she won't change, but if she's just insecure, she will get rid of them after marriage and her good side will come out.
When I said cultural differences, I meant differences in being raised in pak and abroad.
As a general rule, you can assume that the lesser a woman is attracted to her husband-to-be, the more gifts and monetary assurance she expects.
There was a thread on this forum a year ago, when the moderators used to be less politically correct, started a female member who said she has asked her husband to give her a diamond ring** in return** for the 'best sex ever'. So you see this sh1t is quite prevalent among Pakistani couples.
That seems to make sense...but then why just Pakistani couples? And wouldn't that be true for men too?
Yes if she really is a gold digger she won't change, but if she's just insecure, she will get rid of them after marriage and her good side will come out.
When I said cultural differences, I meant differences in being raised in pak and abroad.
From what I know of relationships...good sides are usually out and about before marriage. The bad side comes out later. In this case, if what you're saying is true then its reversed which is weird enough.
Cultural differences are there but personality and meaning well in a relationship have no cultural limitations.
You cannot be saying that the girls in Pakistan are insensitive due to their culture? So is it customary in Pak to demand these things as a show of affection from your husband? Money and jewels mean he will treat you well? The amount of gold you get is equivalent to how many years a woman will deign to stay married to a man?
Trust me, this is not true. I can tell you from personal experience that a big diamond guarantees zilch.
i say if he is saying her a PSYCHO himself then marrying a psycho girl isnt a good idea.. the situations after marriage will be drastic.. n if halls r booked, invitations r sent.. no matter at all...
i hope u don wanna get separated after few months or a year after marrying such a girl if things remain same or will get worse
DM you need to call it off, if this girl is so demanding now what will she be like after marriage. if she has to move to Europe and you are working 9-6 she will go cuckoo..she will drive you insane, and struggle to adjust.
also with regards to how much you have spent on the wedding, someone is making her think that way maybe friends or even family, most likely her mum, talking to her mum was a bad move,in most these cases maa hi beti ka damgh kharab karti hai...u should talk to your parents and call it off,
believe me her spoilt brat erratic behaviour will just get worse once she moves to Europe and realises what LIFE really is.
Assuming her behavior is the result of wedding stress.....then here's another thing to consider. Married life is FULL of things that test our ability to handle stress. Not only compromising with our spouse....with adjusting to having in-laws in our lives can also cause issues. And having a child.....I don't know ANY parent who would say that being a parent is stress-free.
So if being under stress for a wedding makes her behave like this..........is she going to do this for the rest of your life every time something stresses her out? Why would any man want a wife who handles stress by turning into a bitc* towards him?
Marriage isn't happening. I called it off. Too unfortunate that it happened just 10 days before marriage but at this moment it seemed to be the most appropriate thing for both of us.
Marriage isn't happening. I called it off. Too unfortunate that it happened just 10 days before marriage but at this moment it seemed to be the most appropriate thing for both of us.
Sorry to hear that. But it's definitely better than getting married and then separating. But I attribute some of the problems to talking everyday to your finance before marriage from long distance. It's hard to really have a bond with someone outside of a marriage where you see that person on a daily basis. Maybe she was just trying to get you in control in the manner she knew how.
Anyways BEST OF LUCK FOR BOTH OF YOU FOR NEXT TIME!