I have a question to which i am unable to find the answer and it’s bugging me a lot.
What if you have 3 weeks left in wedding and your fiance (a girl, 26 years old.. .. long distane.. me in Europe and she in Pak) has started showing aspects of her personality which you never thought of? She straight forwardly says to you that i) you and your family are not spending much on her (we spent a reasonable amount and still spending but it’s not upto her standards) .. ii) giving her mehar amount less than she actually wanted and .. iii) she doesn’t want to get married at all but going for it only because of her family. Though at start of engagement everything was perfect.
But then there is another side of her. If i dont talk to her every night for atleast 2-3 hours then she gets upset that i don’t give her importance and does not care about her and all she needs is my love and affection and assurity that she is most important person in my life. If i am not able talk to her for this amount of time for more than one day (i have 9-6 office time which sucks all my mental energy and i need space for my social life too) then she doesn’t see the future of this relationship. If i dont talk to her at night then according to her i must be talking to some other girl.
If i start giving her time everday and tolerate her mood swings (which ranges from me being a blessing for her to me actually destroyed her life) then few days she remain normal. She tells me that she is very happy about the marriage and i am very caring and understanding person. But somehow again she goes to cycle of complaining that if i loved her then i would be spending much on her. She think she is a blessing for me and i should realize that.
Too bad i woke up too late, hoping that she would finally showing some maturity but these behaviors are getting extreme as marriage is approaching near. Now the situation is that invitations are sent, halls are booked but every 2nd day she repeat these behaviors and tells me that i am coward for not pulling away from marriage and this marriage is only my choie. But then she is the one who is crazy about wedding functions.. the bridal dresses, jewellary and dances. She has master plan for each and every minute of all the functions.
I am having the feeling that marrying such a psycho girl would ruin my life but it’s almost impossible to pull off. I am flying to Pak in few days.
Any suggestions to calm my self and how to tackle this situation?
Dude..if are having second thought about this potential relationship then talk to her. And if ya're heart is still not satisfied then talk to ya're family and call this off. Would ya rather have this girl destroy your life. So think this very carefully. Best wishes buddy!
Have you talked to her about these concerns at all? If not, then tell her that you feel frustrated with her contradictory complaints...where one day she's happy with you and the rishta and the next day she's complaining about you, your family, and how she never wanted to get married in the first place etc. Explain your time constraints to her. See how she responds. If you both don't reach an understanding....then maybe you need to discuss the matter with your family and evaluate whether or not you still want to marry her. I know women can turn into bridezilla....and although I don't have the experience....and although there are two sides to a story.....what you've mentioned doesn't sound like "normal" behavior to me irrespective of the girl's location (whether she lives in Pak or outside) or even her ethnicity for that matter.
She sounds like she doesn't want to get married. She's going along with it out of pressure and also because its fun to plan your wedding. Its exciting to be walking down the aisle and lets face it.....so many girls live for that big day and she's getting caught up in it. That's all.
I don't think this girl is the one for you. You need to talk to her and make it clear that you're not on board if she doesn't change. Don't just go along with it.
I just skimmed some of your past topics on this matter, and how things were difficult then. You had mentioned she had lots of trust issues and insecurities when it came to you. It seems like things have not gotten better. What does your gut tell you? Do you think after marriage all those insecurities will vanish, or would they still make things difficult for you in day to day life?
And in regard to what you call a psycho:
Here’s a piece of advice from someone you would trust 100%, regarding someone you think is a psycho:
realistically, she wont change after marriage. Give this a long and hard think. Block everyone and everything else out. This is one of those times where you have to put yourself first and foremost
She does have the making of a psycho girl. Engagement is for the purpose of finding out if the family is right fit. Have a serious talk with her and someone elder in her family. She might very well get the MSG and mature quickly! Sounds like a BRIDEZILLA! But again a lot of girls do this and then calm down and mature. BUT IF I WERE YOU I WOULD ACT AND TAKE ACTION NOW BEFORE YOU POTENTIALLY RUIN HE LIVES OF 2 families!
3 weeks is plenty of time. So what the invitations went out? Are those guests going to be living with this girl for the rest of their lives? I know 2 desi engagements that were called off LESS than 1 WEEK before the wedding. Both couples have moved on since then.
This girl sounds like a insecure, needy, spoiled brat (and I'm being nice with my choice of words!). Don't be an idiot and think she's going to change after marriage. It's not too late for you to get out.
Please dont mislead him by claiming this is normal. it is not! Girls do not have crazy mood swings such as those. Your having second thoughts, and I see major,major red flags, and you should not go through with it. But at the end of the day if your not willing to take a stand, then be prepared for the consequences.