Get Your Act Together Boys

[Reha]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

bigdaddy, this might go over your head but I'll try:

Husband can actually sit down and ask Wife why she is upset and then ask Sister why she is upset. Help start the discussion and then let them handle it.

Simple.

[bigdaddy]

^ Thank you for the short post. I can read it, understand it and reply.

Now, here is a thought. Why not do this in the bounds of decency? What purpose would calling someone's mom or sister a "mudpie face" serve?

You didnt post the original post but you obviously dont object to it either and you have something to say on just about everything under the sun.

[CE]

LOL seriously do discussions like this even take place

For a husband and wife to talk like this to each other.....there is no respect left in the relationship......If a husband feels tht he needs help of a fist to quieten his wife. He is better off separating from her, as whats the point being in a unhappy relationship? all thts gonna happen is the man will continue to show his Authority an bully his wife.... which will lead to the wife showing hatred towards her husband

Or let the atmosphere settle and let both parties acknowledge their wrong doings and talk it over like mature adults

no guesses for what ur approach will be :)

[Reha]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

I do have something to say about anything and everything. Ive got an opinon and it seems that opinion threatens men like you. Regardless, no one really cares about how you feel towards my opinion.

A discussion is more productive then wife-beating, which you seem to be advocating quite boldly.

Wife called your sister mudpie face because your sister insulted your wife and cant seem to understand her brother is married now. Her brother is now someone else's man and she needs to get her own rather then fighting with his wife.

[bigdaddy]

^ So here is what this paindu wife beater's wife would do if my sister ever insulted her. She would take it up with my sister and resolve it without any name calling. It works like a charm.

[inzi_rocks]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

awesome

[geek]

@Colourful eyes

Thnx for saying exactly what I was feeling.....

If its ok for his wife to received a punch, I'm sure his mother and sister have also recieved similar treatments...must be the norm in his family

Plonker!

By his own admission, bigdaddy is just a mouse trying to be a lion on the internet. Have a heart and let him be.

Having said that, it takes a particular breed to exhibit this kind of classless behavior: "Maybe she tells you your sister's face looks like a mudpie and even if it actually does look like a mudpie, so what?". Most guys who have 'got their act together', are smart enough to avoid this breed of women. We may not disown our blood relative, but we don't necessarily need to find them 'attractive' either, but a wife, yes. So again, if you (generically speaking) sound bitter, if you have the potential to be nasty, guys that actually use their brain will steer clear of you because it makes you highly unattractive to them. Unless and until one realizes this simple point, one will keep banging one's head against the same wall and start a thread every other month screaming "where are all the real men?"

[CM]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

We are discussing class in a forum where all women do is ***** and backbite about their families? Are we seriously discussing that?

[Silver_Falcon_Of_Kashmir]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

^Sorry but your comment cracked me up.

[MIAinVA]

@X2

ummm, i think you missed the point completely, otherwise you would not be grinning...

a

I would encourage both of you to go read the specific sentences I had quoted, in the order they were quoted, and then you will understand the reason for the smile in the PS.

shabash.

@ X2: Oh NO NO, don't get me wrong.... I totally got what you were saying.
You pointed out that I too am generalizing **and that **I have a superiority complex. Thats why I laughed, why would i write "LOL" otherwise if you were supporting my opinions.... mine was a sarcastic post too .... I said good job simplifying .... and then I said "Now I'm waiting for them women too" since you're a guy ... should have probably emphasized on words. Oh well!!

Would people please stop saying "desi" and "Pakistani" in the context they keep using, its offensive the way its used, to me at least. You find jerks everywhere in all countries within all ethnicities (if thats even a word... which I dont think it is :p), why label all Pakistanis and desis the same. Lots of goraas are also Mama's boys and lots of gori MILS are also evil (ok, not with the Jahez thing but with interference in the home).

@ PSQ: I do read the news, and whats on Jeryy Springer and Maury may be fake, but its based on real life. Girls having their father's babies ewww and 37 years old teachers having affairs with 15 yrs old students.... men/women cheating on their spouses and sleeping with the half of the world.........I'm not naive enough to believe what on TV as being real, but its based on REAL LIFE incidents. And I do work in a goraa place, have been working with goraas since 5 yrs and have seen enough to know what goes on in this society in the name of women liberation and independence. I lose all my classiness when people start saying Pakistani girls are this and that... and Pakistani men are losers.

I still maintain that our issues are really petty and can be easily managed compared to what their women (goraas) go through and yes, its mostly women who come out as the losers in their setup (they lose everything, including their self-esteem and dignity).

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

Some of you seem to think I used that as an example to say "Look, its ok if you give maa behen gaalian".

Reading my comments I can see it coming across that way, but I've already expalined that's not what I meant.

People say horrible things to each other all the time - I wish that were not so, but it happens. Of course, at some point it becomes abuse, and you have to draw a line.

However, just like maybe your sister in your youth might have said something mean to you, you haven't disowned her right? Siblings fight all the time. Parents and children fight all the time, and insensitive things might get said then. But Pakistanis see those rishtay as unbreakable because they're blood bonds.

However, same thing happens between a wife and husband, and its over in one heartbeat. Over ONE comment, I've seen marriages fall apart. I've seen relationships fall apart. And unless there are kids in the pictture, the divorce is pretty immediate.

If we start seeing our spouses as FAMILY rather than just a girlfriend that you now happen to live with whom you can kick out when you want, more marriages TODAY would stay together. I'm seeing a lot of divorces because "he/she didn't respect me". Wel what happened? Oh they said this that night, and then 3 months later they said that.

I say ok, so if your sister had said the same thing to you would you never speak to her again? Uh. Well that's my sister.

Right. So that was the mother of your children. Good job.

[PyariCgudia]

@bigdaddy

^ Thank you for the short post. I can read it, understand it and reply.

Now, here is a thought. Why not do this in the bounds of decency? What purpose would calling someone's mom or sister a "mudpie face" serve?

You didnt post the original post but you obviously dont object to it either and you have something to say on just about everything under the sun.

What purpose would shooting your wife with a gun in your truck serve?

Ladies stay away from this one. He screams trouble.

Gun in his truck. WTF.

That's why I ask, why are there so many colorful characters on this website? Seems like normal human relationships are impossible in desi families. Resolve a mouthy wife by shooting her. Real smart.

[Mehnaz]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

"Girls having their father's babies ewww and 37 years old teachers having affairs with 15 yrs old students.... "

Um, that isn't women's liberation. That's child/sexual abuse. Don't confuse the two.

[MIAinVA]

@PyariCgudia

People say horrible things to each other all the time - I wish that were not so, but it happens. Of course, at some point it becomes abuse, and you have to draw a line.

However, just like maybe your sister in your youth might have said something mean to you, you haven't disowned her right? Siblings fight all the time. Parents and children fight all the time, and insensitive things might get said then. But Pakistanis see those rishtay as unbreakable because they're blood bonds.

However, same thing happens between a wife and husband, and its over in one heartbeat. Over ONE comment, I've seen marriages fall apart. I've seen relationships fall apart. And unless there are kids in the pictture, the divorce is pretty immediate.

If we start seeing our spouses as FAMILY rather than just a girlfriend that you now happen to live with whom you can kick out when you want, more marriages TODAY would stay together. I'm seeing a lot of divorces because "he/she didn't respect me". Wel what happened? Oh they said this that night, and then 3 months later they said that.

I say ok, so if your sister had said the same thing to you would you never speak to her again? Uh. Well that's my sister.

Right. So that was the mother of your children. Good job.

Now THAT I totally agree with ........ Marriage should be a strong bond, as strong as a blood bond. But unfortunately, yeh bandhan hai kachay dhaagon ka.

[CM]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

I was thinking of taking PCG's post and replacing the word Sister with brother and the word wife with husband to make a point. But then I then remembered you can take a cow to water, but you can't make it drink.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

It would work either way.

In fact, if my husband criticized my sister, I’d probably end up sympathizing.

She’s a lawyer. She’s 10x more angry than I am.

[Lafanter]

OK. dont have time so I m gonna keep it short

@Pareezay

im pretty sure a girl’s mother does the SAME for her too. so why do they have to leave their parents and go live with a guy? and why shouldn’t the girl’s mother interfere with things also just like the boy’s mom does?

the main thing is to find a BALANCE in your relationships with the mother and the wife. islam has given both of the women in your life numerous rights, don’t exploit them or ignore them and your life will be great.

lol, it is common sense. girls leave their parents and their brothers take care of them, simple as that. Yes, where there are no male siblings in the family then girl can take a stance, no big deal. I wont mind talking care of my parents inlaw

other than that you have kinda summed up ur self. BALANCE
but I want to add some thing like not all the mothers interfere in their childrens lives. there are millions of families in pakistan living happily. I dont know I havnt seen that happening in real life but just in movies and TV.

@PyariCgudia

Lafanter, lets make a distinction. Supporting your parents when they did so much for you is very important. However, not every MIL and FIL of a woman needs to live with their kids and DIL’s. Many elderly are perfectly good living on their own - and when they do get nonfunctional, nurses can be hired, or they can move in with a son or daughter and their family. I agree that people should cooperate..

Well, I m not born or raised in western culture so I m not comfortable with this idea. I wont let my parents be alone. In older age they dont look for ppl to take care of em, they want company, they want love.

@PyariCgudia

If my in-laws move in with me, I’d be fine with it..

double standards, that is not what you said in your 1st post lol

@PyariCgudia

Versus in-laws who constantly interfere in your marriage decisions that really should be between you and your husband. For example:

Does your mom have the right to decide what dishwear you and I would have, and the COST OF WHICH is burdened on MY parents, and if MY MOM doesn’t buy the right plate design then all hell breaks loose? Is that normal?.

lol no my mom has no right. i agree

@PyariCgudia

Does your mom have the right to tell you what to do with your paycheck? What allowance to give your wife? To tell you that your wife only needs 3 pairs of saris for the year, and to give her the rest of the check? Believe it or not, it happens..

again, I agree. she has no right

@PyariCgudia

Does your mom have the right to handle the income coming into your home and divide it up as she sees fit, when maybe her own husband has his income/savings?.

again, I agree
but she can give good suggestion abt money management etc

@PyariCgudia

Does your mom/sister have the right to comment to your wife about her clothes, about the way she washes dishes, about her methodology of house cleaning, of what she feeds your kids?.

ofcourse they cannot enforce their way of doing things

@PyariCgudia

Do they have a right to compare your wife with all the other rishtas your family was entertaining with you and throw that in your face?.

that would be pretty rude, they have no right

@PyariCgudia

If these stories are sounding ridiculous, believe me, they happen. Most of them were reported here on GS by victimized women.

yes i know it happens

@PyariCgudia

So when I say “cut the cord”, I mean that you as a MAN (rather than a spoilt boy) need to set boundaries as to where your mom can and cannot interfere in your life. .

Agree

@PyariCgudia

Just like you don’t let her decide what music you listen to, what concerts you go to, what girls you hit on and wink at on the streets of Pakistan, you should be man enough not to let your mother ruin your marriage.

Agree

NOW, I dont know where you live, what have seen or what have u been thru. NOT all men are like what you are perceiving. All those troubles you have mentioned do occur but not on a very big scale. I dont know I dont see that happening in my family or my nabor hood or … but just in media. There are heaps of very good men and very good families in and out side pakistan, pls dont spit on all of em.

@PyariCgudia

Besides, do you let her be part of your decision to sit in GS chat and put on your cam and show all of us girls your KHUBSOORAT CHEHRA?

I’m sure you care about your mom so much, you allow her to be part of that important daily hobby of yours.

hahahaha WTH?
when did that happen, itna barra ilzam
BTW thanks for the compliment lol

anyways, my parents have never enforced any thing on me. I have taken all the decision in my life. They dont know how much I earn and where I spend and how much I have. I can go any where I like, do what ever I like, marry who ever I wish to and as many times as I want to. they do not interfere at all.

Pls dont be so judgmental and pessimistic. Life is not all what you perceive it to be. Come out of your box and see how beautiful life is and how good ppl are. Its all in your head.

[Shak_killS]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

bottom line, PCG go on shopping mall and buy a husband like that... and han

goodluck! if you find what you need, that good for you. I dont think anyone else will have any problem with that.

but if you cant find some one like that, then you need to realise and analyse that may be you require too much of poodle than a husband, your thinking will change once you came across that point.

marriages are not about "me, me , and me" , its you and me!

[X2]

@MIAinVA

@ X2: Oh NO NO, don't get me wrong.... I totally got what you were saying. You pointed out that I too am generalizing **and that **I have a superiority complex. Thats why I laughed, why would i write "LOL" otherwise if you were supporting my opinions.... mine was a sarcastic post too .... I said good job simplifying .... and then I said "Now I'm waiting for them women too" since you're a guy ... should have probably emphasized on words. Oh well!!

Right...

[MIAinVA]

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

^ :)