Get Your Act Together Boys

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

Honey, you shall find peace.

Wht r u doing ?
Wht r u doing ?
62

im pretty sure a girl’s mother does the SAME for her too. so why do they have to leave their parents and go live with a guy? and why shouldn’t the girl’s mother interfere with things also just like the boy’s mom does?

the main thing is to find a BALANCE in your relationships with the mother and the wife. islam has given both of the women in your life numerous rights, don’t exploit them or ignore them and your life will be great.

63

Lafanter, lets make a distinction. Supporting your parents when they did so much for you is very important. However, not every MIL and FIL of a woman needs to live with their kids and DIL’s. Many elderly are perfectly good living on their own - and when they do get nonfunctional, nurses can be hired, or they can move in with a son or daughter and their family. I agree that people should cooperate. If my in-laws move in with me, I’d be fine with it.

Versus in-laws who constantly interfere in your marriage decisions that really should be between you and your husband. For example:

Does your mom have the right to decide what dishwear you and I would have, and the COST OF WHICH is burdened on MY parents, and if MY MOM doesn’t buy the right plate design then all hell breaks loose? Is that normal?

Does your mom have the right to tell you what to do with your paycheck? What allowance to give your wife? To tell you that your wife only needs 3 pairs of saris for the year, and to give her the rest of the check? Believe it or not, it happens.

Does your mom have the right to handle the income coming into your home and divide it up as she sees fit, when maybe her own husband has his income/savings?

Does your mom/sister have the right to comment to your wife about her clothes, about the way she washes dishes, about her methodology of house cleaning, of what she feeds your kids?

Do they have a right to compare your wife with all the other rishtas your family was entertaining with you and throw that in your face?

If these stories are sounding ridiculous, believe me, they happen. Most of them were reported here on GS by victimized women.

So when I say “cut the cord”, I mean that you as a MAN (rather than a spoilt boy) need to set boundaries as to where your mom can and cannot interfere in your life.

Just like you don’t let her decide what music you listen to, what concerts you go to, what girls you hit on and wink at on the streets of Pakistan, you should be man enough not to let your mother ruin your marriage.

The born leader , the only hope
64

Besides, do you let her be part of your decision to sit in GS chat and put on your cam and show all of us girls your KHUBSOORAT CHEHRA? :rolleyes:

I’m sure you care about your mom so much, you allow her to be part of that important daily hobby of yours.

65

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

I'm curius anyway, in Islam, is it ok to use a mere sentence as grounds to divorce your wife? Is this something the Prophet did?

I'm just saying because someone was mentioning in another thread how if we all just used Islam to guide us in our ways, there would be less problems. But as most of the men here agree with BigDaddy, I ask, is that something you want to face God with on Judgement Day?

I dunno. I don't think I would, if I was a guy.

66

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

he is a good looking boy!!!

67

Gee, does that happen among memons?

68

:shireen:

69

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

DD, that was taken from one of the threads here actually. I don't think that family is memon though.

I asked my parents about Jehaz issues because I read that and looked in my kitchen and thought to myself, well whoever marries me gets all this junk in their kitchen and if his mom hates it, what do I do with all this stuff?

The 'rents reassured me that memons don't hang onto jehaz issues much - its not something that is highly expected in the Kutchi memon groups at least.

Unless you're a bantwa-wallah memon - those girls and their families - I kid you not, because I have a friend who did this: will give the guy

  1. car
  2. house - his name is put on it
  3. a job if he doesn't have one already
  4. watches/perfumes/small luxuries
  5. all the furniture/cookware/etc in their home

So for bantway wallah memons, a dowry is a really big deal.

For kutchi memons, not so much. My cousins who got married went in with a dowry that consisted of some gold jewelry as gifts from girls' parents and a wardrobe of like 10-15 outfits, that's it. I think they might have thrown in a kurta and a watch for the boy.

BTW, I asked my dad what he got from mom's jehaz, and he said, he still hasn't seen the jehaz. And any gift money they got for the wedding, he put it into her hands and hasn't seen it again.

Now where are the men like THAT???

70

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

Add one me task in me outlook for this week - find a Bantway wali memon :clown:

71

In the context you describe I agree completely. But, not in the context that it was posted on. I would much rather someone punch me in the gonads than for someone to talk ill about my mother and sister - especially not my wife.

No two ways about it man.

72

Yay, now PCG is promoting western "values".. We will be hiring nurses now for our parents? Seriously? How low can you go?

73

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

We had a nurse for my nanimaa in Pakistan. That was despite 2 women living at home - her daughter AND her DIL, and her other daughters that would come and visit frequently, AND cousin's family that lived next door.

Sometimes you need trained medical help that you can't administer on your own, like shots, like in house rehab therapy, etc.

Don't get all jumpy over things you know little about. You probably have little clue what goes along with aging.

74

the way your sister and mom is your izzet, same way your wife is.
If she gets mad and say some thing I don't think she should be looked at as a witch,

Also remember mashallah our stinky culture have turned marriage into a not so pleasure able thing.
Where you put in two perfectly fine individual and get a stinky out come.

That happens when you are not aware of evil forces working against you.

Sana Khan died in a fatal car accident
75

Ugh!! Why are the poor MILs all put in the same category? Mine didn't make any demands at all except kay please mehndi ka function zaroor rakhiyay ga. My husband had a discussion with me actually and said to me kay yaar ek bedroom set tau please lai hee laina agar chaaho tau.... otherwise I'll get it and I said yeah thats not a problem. So I got a bedroom set, a TV & DVD player for my room, some gold sets, around 15 joraas, and a dinner set.... THAT IS IT.

My MIL never ever even asked me kay show me what you brought with you. And we're all born and rasied in Pakistan, no western influence there.....

Oh and another thing, Whats with all this attitude here from American/UK born Pakistani women saying their MILs are jaahil and evil and categorizing all Pakistani men as Mama's boys.... oh please, get over your superiority complex about being Foreign Born educated women or whatever. Develop some compassion, understanding, tolerance and diplomacy and try to live up to your in-laws' expectations.... you'll be their favorite within a acouple of years.

I'm a proud Pakistani woman (born there, raised there, educated there) who is making ____ a month with my "Pakistani" degree. Who are YOU to judge Pakistani/Desi men and MILs and even Pakistani women in general?
Have you ever heard goraas stories? What their wives/husbands go through with all the cheating and lying and all? Haven't you seen all the drama on Maury and Jerry Springer and the rest of the talk-shows?? Our issues are very small comparatively, Grow up everyone. /end rant

76

So if your mother or sister said anything mean about your wife, what would you do? If one of them called your wife's face a mudpie, you would punch them too?

Timepass-April 2014
77

A smart woman right there! May we be blessed with more woman like you in this world!

78

so i suppose eastern values are that if an elderly relative needs specialized medical assistance that nurses are not hired?

hmmmm...okay

Happy Birthday fariha
79

Re: Get Your Act Together Boys

So I got a bedroom set, a TV & DVD player for my room, some gold sets, around 15 joraas, and a dinner set.... THAT IS IT. "

First of all, I'm GLAD to hear that your marriage is going well. Gives some of us some hope.

However, there are girls who couldnt afford to bring that jehaz into their husband's home?

I don't know, if my husband ASKED me to get a bedroom set, I would have looked at him like he had bees growing out of his hair.

Depends on the family, I think. In our memon family, guys' families do not ask the wife to bring anything. Every rishta meeting I sat in for family members, the guy's family (mine or the opposing side) simply said "We just want you to bring your daughter to us, so we can make her our daughter, rest our son will take care of from his side, as mashallah we made sure he earns enough to provide for a family".

shrugs

You might think its appropriate to ask a girl to bring something, but for me that's a strong no-no.

I will offer to bring what I can, but my fiance shouldn't be ASKING me to bring anything. Like I live on my own, so I have furniture, I have all the dishwear/kitchenwear I need to use, so of course I'd chug that along with me (and if he's absolutely hating my dishes we can get new ones together).

It depends. I'll be earning my own income, so I'll pool some income together and WE buy what we need together. I don't see it necessary that my parents get us anything, unless they want to give us a gift (within reason, I refuse to give the guy a HOUSE like the bantway wala's do)

80

no man, what i gather from her post n from her being "americanized" is that by nurses she meant hired help, help that can be given by sons n daughters. not the specialized help. jeez