Re: Gentleman
Let's say your wife gets WAY more religious. She changes her clothing, drops her job because she says women who sit at home are more closer to God, stops doing her hair and going out to nice dawats for you, starts wearing niqaab, you can't even see her face in public when you go out with her.
And now let's say all this change happens, and she tells you - who doesn't have a beard: you need to grow a beard.
She starts believing that pictures are haraam, and throws out your camera and you're now not allowed to take pictures of your own kids. You figure out ways to sneak in pics using the camera on your iphone, and she finds out you do that, and she gets into an argument with you and tells you she told you not to take pics of the kids.
She asks you that every year when you save up for a family vacation, you guys have to go to Saudi for Umrah. You say, how about Paris this time? She says absolutely not, it's a haraam city, you guys have to go to Saudi instead. So you begin to look for ways to travel through work to keep up with your hobby of seeing the world.
When you met her, she wore regular fashionable shalwaar kameez, had her hair done nicely, make-up on, etc. And now she just wears burqa and niqaab when she goes out, because she took some religious classes and got inspired by the clothing of her teachers, and so she believes this is the right Islamic way to do things.
When you go for jumma, she notices your shalwaar, and asks you to hike it up, so your ankles show.
How would you deal with this?
By the way, this is not hypthetical. My cousin did this to her husband. She pulled all these changes on him immediately after the marriage. She had become religious prior to the marriage, but decided to hide all this so she could continue on with the marriage. Then after marriage, she changed completely. She was inspired by classes by Farhat Hashmi.
She doesn't let her husband take pics of her kids. In fact, I'm not allowed to take pics of my niece and nephew. I once did secretly, and she pulled me aside and made me give up the picture.
I can relate to this post. One of my aunts did a 360 a couple years ago. She has 4 children and lives in America. Prior to her "conversion", in Pakistan, she used to go to salons, highlight her hair, keep up with the latest fashion/jewelry trends on a routine basis. She used to go outside (to someone's house or to the bazaar) with a dupatta on her head worn loosely. And so on. She was never ultra modern, but she was definitely not conservative by any means whatsoever.
She started listening to Farhat Hashmi, and slowly overtime she has become anti-social to the point that she doesn't answer the door anymore if the postman is a guy and no male figure is at home to attend to the postman. No pictures, no TV in her house except Geo news. They don't celebrate birthdays anymore. Some time ago, her husband (who now has a shariah beard) got into an accident and had surgery. He couldn't work for a long time. She refused to go out and work, because she believes her role in Islam to be nurturing and motherly at home. Her 5-year old has read Qabar ka azaab and Qayamat ki nishaaniyan, and insists on fasting even though her doctor doesn't recommend it considering her health.
What's worse is that they tried converting others for some time by giving lectures and sending us links to the programs she listens to. When it didn't work, they have now started boycotting each and every person in their family who they think is committing kufr and who is beyond help. She doesn't talk to her own dewraani anymore because the SIL wears half-sleeve t-shirts without scarf/dupatta and the shirts are not kameez-length.
In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with being religious (in spirit and in practice), but the biggest achievement is to do so moderately while still living in this world and interacting with people from all walks of life without labeling them as gunaah-gar and kaafir. When you start assuming that because you're embracing the spirit of Islam, you're forgiven 100% and guaranteed a spot in heaven (and others who are not like you, will not make it), there is something inherently wrong and disturbing with this view. You and I don't know Allah ko kisi ki konsi adaa pasand aaye gi. To each their own...