Re: Full of advise looser.
there is so much wrong with this post but let's start with why you think driving a cab or a job as a janitor should be considered menial...... so many people in the world feed their families based on this sort of work. who are you, or I for that matter, to condemn any work as "menial".
Every successful person went through struggle... Let's not forget our hardship days and where we come from!
Re: Full of advise looser.
^ BSB you generalized all men to be insensitive in your last thread...so let other generalize as well.
I could see how annoying his opinion could be when you see so base for it...nothing to support. I would suggest to just ignoring. You can't really ask your friend not to bring him around. That would be rude and that might also damage your friendship with them.
When he is giving you these lectures...ask him where he is getting this knowledge from. That might shut him up too.
But you have to remember how you treat this person, is how your children and other kids will treat him as well. so be carefull and dont give the wrong lessons to the kids.
I was generalizing some men not all men :P
Re: Full of advise looser.
Same old, same old pattern. Under another multi, OP had created a similar thread about the girl who lost her friends, stopped receiving rishtay, went to prison, ended up a lonely, unmarried recluse who whiles away her hours online in her parents’ home…all due to her nasty attitude. That former thread, just like this one, came after an altercation with me. The guy is so transparent that it’s a wonder to me that some folks still can’t see it. 
Anyhow, OP, there are people who have more than just a nasty attitude. They are corrupt and degenerate individuals that are swimming in money, living in luxury, and ruling the masses. Success can’t be stereotyped. It’s said that Allah tries/tests some people by granting them blessings like wealth, health, izzat and family…and He tries/tests others by depriving them of the same blessings. A person’s suffering may not necessarily be a punishment and a person who is living a life of comfort may not be in “good books” with Allah. One of the good things about Islam is that there are references within ahadith that always contain a “flip side” or “counter argument.” And I feel that the benefit of this is it should prevent us from confidently labeling others as hypocrites, sinners, and recipients of Allah’s wrath. There is something really sick about displaying a smug satisfaction or pleasure in the trials or misfortunes of others, even if you don’t like the individual. Such an attitude is simply another type or shade of the nastiness that is being condemned in this thread. :k:
Re: Full of advise looser.
Every successful person went through struggle... Let's not forget our hardship days and where we come from!
There is dignity of labour, then there are people who start from the top and slip to the bottom because of poor work ethics and poor attitudes, should they be allowed to waste my time with their loud abnoxious overbearing way of giving long winded advise.
Re: Full of advise looser.
he sounds like my cousin. what we do is listen to his 'advice' but we don't act on it. also, no complaining about him either because what is the point. he's in my extended family and has been like that for 35 years or so, and nothing is gonna change him until he changes himself.
one good thing about him is that he recently enrolled in university, to start his bachelor degree again which he couldn't do before because of struggles within the family. i think there comes a time when a person says it's done, let's just do it. and then, they start a better life for themselves.
Ok guys, we all need to calm down I guess. Go and drink thanda paani all of you and then come back and post.
And please let's stick with the topic, shall we.
Re: Full of advise looser.
Every successful person went through struggle... Let's not forget our hardship days and where we come from!
Would it be okay if your baraat came in a GhudaGerrari rather than a Ferrari.
Sorry just a
joke.
Re: Full of advise looser.
Every successful person went through struggle... Let's not forget our hardship days and where we come from!
Ohhhhh that is classic coming from you
Re: Full of advise looser.
Why had you stopped socializing in the first place?
Re: Full of advise looser.
Why had you stopped socializing in the first place?
Because my kids are in competetive sports, the older 15 will compete in U17 nationals IA this summer, so we did not have time, N just quit her job to help them pursue their dreams so we have a bit more time now to socialize.
I think the discussion focused on different direction.
Regardless of who it is and what that individual is doing that is of annoyance to other people present you have a few options
1- engage with the person, change the subject and talk about something less serious
2- have multiple groups and conversations going on and you can choose to be in a different conversation
3- convey to the sibling what this individual's impact is and to try. And address it
4- ignore it, let it be, enjoy other people's company and don't let it get to you
5- don't go to events where this person is going to be present
How tolerant you are, and the magnitude of this individual's annoyance factor would be the key factor.
My advise, let it be. Maybe he is being introduced in social circles to help him be around the right crowd, let him have that chance. If it's going to be too overbearing an experience, people will stop inviting him and his brother.
Re: Full of advise looser.
I do not think mentioning this man's job or living standard was necessary to make a point.
How he lives his life and what does he do for living is his business.
As long as this person is not giving YOU advise on what is good for you and criticizing you, you don't need to worry about him.
You can go to those get together and talk to other people, you do have choice for that.
For giving example of rishta process and calling people hypocrites is wrong.
When rishta is sought, all people look for someone who has stable career and good earning potential, nothing wrong with that. You gave wrong example.
while people are humble in respecting everyone regardless of what line of work they do, they do not have to marry their family members to those who they consider may not 'match' with their standard of living etc. etc.
At least this man is not begging money. He is doing some kind of work. And that is commendable.
Re: Full of advise looser.
^Agree. It wasn't necessary to mention this guy's job. He's working and the rizq is halal. It wasn't necessary to mention his sex life or lack thereof. Whether he is a 40-year-old virgin or otherwise is nobody's business. His relationship status is no concern of anyone's unless they're trying to set him up. The fact that he does not have children is another thing that is nobody's business. Aulad is khuda ki dain; there are many people who are unfit to be parents but have kids and there are many who would make suitable parents and don't have children. And as stated before, plenty of vile people who have it all in this life. The original discussion should only be focused on the man's behavior. I don't even see a point in analyzing the causes behind his attitude because they may be diverse and one may never know the conclusive reason. It's not even that huge of an issue. The solution is to either exclude said persons, confront in a tactful way, or ignore/redirect discussions, not to outdo the guy.
Re: Full of advise looser.
[quote="diwana"]
I do not think mentioning this man's job or living standard was necessary to make a point.
How he lives his life and what does he do for living is his business.
As long as this person is not giving YOU advise on what is good for you and criticizing you, you don't need to worry about him.
You can go to those get together and talk to other people, you do have choice for that.
For giving example of rishta process and calling people hypocrites is wrong.
When rishta is sought, all people look for someone who has stable career and good earning potential, nothing wrong with that. You gave wrong example.
while people are humble in respecting everyone regardless of what line of work they do, they do not have to marry their family members to those who they consider may not 'match' with their standard of living etc. etc.
At least this man is not begging money. He is doing some kind of work. And that is commendable./QUOTE
Words are cheaper than action, we say they are equals but when it comes time to put our action where our mouth is we conveniently make excuses and run for cover, everyone here knows the saying ohhhh its fine but not in my back yard, the maxican guy I rent my towne house to has contracts cleaning buildings, makes 180k a year, he is my best renter for six years now. Is that financial stability, so there goes that weak argument. I know many janatorial guys making more money than engineers; will physicians moms accept their rishta, some of them MSC from Pak also, good muslims great guys. Please let me know about his Rishta. My weight lifting buddy an enginner from pak just got married at 43 because no one was giving him rishta because he was in a bind for a bit and worked for DHL, big muscles lifting kind of job. Completed his MS from UBC became PM now rishtas falling from the sky.
Re: Full of advise looser.
Every personal development course I have attended to says avoid negative company as a plague, surround yourself with positive people, his jobs are intermittent, my problem is not his finances but his bad behavior, as I mentioned again we are taking my nephews rishta to my taxi driver friends daughter, and I openly admit that he is a bigger man than me.
Re: Full of advise looser.
We recently started socialising again and by Allah's blessings we have a very nice circle of friends, we try very hard to surround ourselves with happy and positive people and avoid negative and bitter people like plague as I firmly believe that company of negative, bitter and misreable people can impact peoples lives in a very bad way. MA most of our friends have found success in all aspects of their lives, they are well placed financially, have awesome families and are kind gentle god fearing kind of people. One of the regular person has started bringing his older brother to the get togethers as his brother is completely broke and because of his bad behavior is unable to get employment, some times he does menial jobs like drive a cab, security guard, janitorial work ect. The problem is that his brother is extremely bitter and negative and a party pooper kind of a guy. He just loves to sit down and lecture people very overbearingly about how to live their lives, he gets extremely agitated when anyone has a difference of opinion with him.
I don't mind taking advise from people with proven success, but here he is 40 yr old virgin, has no life skills, lives like a pig in dirt and filth, has no family and children, is dependent on family to support him and is shouting out advise about how to be successful in careers, how we should treat our wives and how to raise our children.
What should we do avoid going the the get togethers or should we approach our friend and tell him how his brother makes us feel.
Ouch! Kinda harsh on the poor guy arnt you?
Re: Full of advise looser.
I've learned something recently:
What we don't like or fear...is something we usually just don't understand.
If he really bothers you that much...its in your best interest to try to understand him and realize that everyone is different.
Not everyone fits in the cookie cutter mold of married at 22, kids at 24, house by 30 and grandparents by 50. Not everyone will have the exact same experiences, background or feelings about things as you - nor should they.
To me...he sounds very bitter. Like life hasn't treated him well, he doesn't understand why and he just needs good experiences and people to help him see that there is positive in the world.
I know a man who married a homeless woman with an 8 year old child, proceeded to support her, her son and had a daughter with her...he was a lowly cab driver.
Don't judge...understand.
Re: Full of advise looser.
Okay here's what I don't get:
Does the perception toward a cab driver depend on his character? So, if the cab driver is a loser, then his job is viewed with scorn and with the mindset that, "He's so nasty and that's why he's only a cab driver and he couldn't get ahead in life career-wise.." If the cab driver is a good person, then his job is viewed with respect and admiration. But it can also be argued, "Well, if he's such a good person, then why didn't he get ahead in life and do more than can driving?" The reason I ask this question is because OP has put forth the premise that goodness in character gets you ahead in life professionally, personally, sexually, etc.
I don't understand what is the need to flip-flop back and forth between looking down on taxi driving in one instance and claiming respect for taxi driving in another instance. Why flip-flop?
The jab about him being a "40-year-old-virgin" was made to emphasize the point that he is a "loser" because women don't find him desirable. Would a guy have greater worth and respectability if he was a 40-year-old, out-of-wedlock non-virgin? This is unfortunately how society sees things...that being laid...even out of wedlock earns you coolness points, you're more esteemed. This soch is common in Western culture and can be expected from the younger lot...........but seriously, what's the need to even bring this up?
***Lastly, personal development is about more than just surrounding yourself with positive people. It also entails thinking positively about others and recognizing your own inner "bitterness" and "negativity" toward others. If Op doesn't have a problem with his finances, then why bring it up? Only to use it against him to cement the image of him being a loser.
Re: Full of advise looser.
Negativity is toxic, it is contagious, It is my personal Haram. I don’ mind cab drivers but if he has a poor attitude than I don’t judge him but h wont be eating at my dinner table. My best friend was a labourer at DHL and is PM PENG now.
Negative people talk and your dreams begin to wither off. But they begin to sprout in the fragrance of hope when they find a new soil! Change your environment!”
― Israelmore Ayivor, The Great Hand
It is uncomfortable to keep your dreams in a house just behind a public toilet; your dreams will surely attract bad odours from the waste products of people in detracting environments. Keep it away from
You don’t have to knock anyone off their game to win yours. It doesn’t build you up to tear others down.”
― Mandy Hale, *The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass *
Life has too many disappointments to make room for negativity.”
http://d.gr-assets.com/authors/1391923547p2/3994285.jpg
“I will no longer let the fear of vicious comments or replies stop me from speaking what I believe to be right. I will also never give a message that everybody will agree with. I know that even my most faithful followers will never agree 100% with what I say. I also know that they know that and are fine with it.
I am done letting the bullies win. They won’t anymore. Not here.”
“The beauty in the outer world can only be seen, when one stops focusing on the negativity in their inner world.”
― Anthony Liccione
“Some people deliberately wrap themselves in a cloak of negativity. This is meant to insulate themselves from the guilt of not trying and not caring. They then go on to market this as a sign of intelligence.”
I was receiving at least ninety-nine incredible, positive, and life-changing responses for every negative or abusive one, yet I couldn’t stop looking at the one percent. I couldn’t get them out of my mind. I let them kill my excitement. I let them destroy my love for what I was doing. I let them shut me down. I let them bully me into changing the way I did things around here.
I almost stopped. I almost gave up. I almost quit writing.
But every time, I remembered my dad.
He taught me better than that.
And I forced myself to be excited again. I forced myself to see the goal and vision of why I was excited in the first place. I forced myself to start skipping over the negative replies and start diving into the loving ones.”
― Dan Pearce, *Single Dad Laughing *
Don’t spread negativity, that stuff is contagious and ruins us. The good news is, positivity can also be contagious and it lifts us.”
Re: Full of advise looser.
I don't mind taking advise from people with proven success, but here he is 40 yr old virgin, has no life skills, lives like a pig in dirt and filth, has** no family and children*, is **dependent on family to support* him and is shouting out advise about how to be successful in careers, how we should treat our wives and how to raise our children.
What should we do avoid going the the get togethers or should we approach our friend and tell him how his brother makes us feel.
What is your definition of success? Opposite of what this person is?