Four Wives

Lifestyle Relationships
101

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
No, you misunderstood.

I wouldn't be o.k. if he brought wife 2 with me being wife 1, nor would I be o.k. being someone's wife 2. It's just supposed to be two people; 1 husband and 1 wife. Simple. Again, living in NORTH AMERICA, there is no justification at all for having multiple wives. We have far too many services here to help people out.

I didn't read Mamaof3's response like that at all. I can't relate to her views of wanting additional help in the house cause I don't have three (or any) kids like she does. I don't need a maid; nor would I expect any additional wives to provide the services of a maid. Anyway, she said she was joking about this. She even had the little "lol" in there. :p

She raised a lot of good points; it's a bit unrealistic for some of the girls who posted to expect a man to never look at another woman. However, that doesn't mean that it's acceptable for him to justify a second and third and fourth marriage due to his need to satisfy his urges. She also said that unless it was some extreme circumstances (war, famine, disease, rampant unemployment, etc.), there just is no need OVER HERE to marry again ... assuming lust is the only issue.
[/QUOTE]

In response to North Am and Over Here: OK then what about the mormons? Even though it is prohibited it is still practised.

We have far too many services here to help people out: What type of services are you implying?

102

Verizon Saab,
lagtaa hai kay koi choot lagay hoi hai.

103

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Halaku_Khan: *
Verizon Saab,
lagtaa hai kay koi choot lagay hoi hai.
[/QUOTE]

Hi Welcome to Gupistan. Do you have anything productive to contribute towards this subject?

104

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Verizon: *

In response to North Am and Over Here: OK then what about the mormons? Even though it is prohibited it is still practised.

We have far too many services here to help people out: What type of services are you implying?
[/QUOTE]

Perhaps that's in their beliefs. I know Muslims have certain restrictions though. As far as I know, lust isn't a reason for any Muslim to go and marry again. Wanting to have sex with other women is not one of the conditions which allows taking on a second wife. We are still talking only about 'lust' aren't we cause I thought that is basically what you were talking about in your other thread?

It's not a time of war (here); women don't necessarily need a husband to be 'protected' or require to be married in order to have a home, financial security, social status, etc. We're living in a society where a woman can get a job and earn money to provide for herself; meaning we're living in a society where it is very possible for a woman to stand on her own two feet without having the need to marry someone who is already married. Desperate times call for desperate measures. It's just not that 'desperate' here. :p

What if the woman wants a child? There are plenty of unmarried men out there who a woman can marry. Again, there just isn't a need to be with someone who's already married. There are male widows and divorcees too. What happens to them? There isn't such a vast shortage of single men that only married ones are left.

Even if a woman can't hack it on her own for whatever reason, I highly doubt many women would want to be married to someone who is already married.

Services - there are government programs, not that great but it's still some form of financial support so people aren't just left out in the cold, as long as they are making an effort of course to stand on their own two feet. Also, any social stigma from the 'community' isn't 'that' bad that it would leave women to marry an unavailable (married) man as the only viable alternative.

I've only seen it done once here, and that's becaue the guy came here from Egypt. He married his maid, took her on as a second wife without the first wife's consent. Completely tore his two families apart.

Why take on the additional headache? :p

This is just my opinion .... maybe there are women out there who wouldn't mind but obviously I would.

Anyway, Happy New Year! I'm going to bed. :p

105

the only thing i can positively contribute to this topic
is not what many of u would like to hear in this forum. for right now i pose a question to any that listen. what prevents women from having multiple spouses/male companions? what is fair is fair. there is no reason why women cant do what men can.

106

4 husbands...ack. I mean what woman in her right mind would want a extra guy or 2 to cook and do laundry for, clean up after etc? I guess the extra income could be nice, we'd hire some maids and a cook...but nah, just cant see that working. I like the thinking though, that whats fair is fair, just cant see it working out in this situation. women tend to be pretty monogomous, typically without the desire for variety. Men typically like variety whether they act on it or not...

107

not to mention that men are way more possessive and controlling. I don't think they could handle other men being around their woman.

108

Sounds like you know why the first one was removed. Please help me understand :bummer:

109

As it's the New Year, im going to try and answer nicely. :)

I would never accept being wife no. 2, 3, 4... i would simply not marry the bloke.

I would never accept my husband marrying again unless we were divorced. Even if there were exceptional circumstances involved. Exceptional circumstances for me is the idea of not being able to have children. For example, i'v watched a couple of these pakistani drama serials where the husband marries again as his wife is unable to provide him with children. As far as society goes, thats fair (im not saying i believe this). What happens when its the man that is the problem in restricting the couple having children? Is the woman allowed to marry again? As far as im aware the answers no unless they were divorced. Iv actually seen this occur in real life too, family members and all. If the wife's the reason why the couple can't have children then its ok to marry again. If the Husband is the reason then basically...tough..thats life, your meant to deal with it. Im not saying i agree with anything here, its just somthing iv experienced when additional wives have been discussed in my family.

It's not a question of putting up with another women, it's a question of a lot worse can happen than just your husband marrying again. Im not saying that marriage isnt important, but marriage between 2 people is hard enough in some cases let alone a marriage with 3,4 or 5 people involved.

110

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Miss_Mohabbat: *
It's not a question of putting up with another women, it's a question of a lot worse can happen than just your husband marrying again. Im not saying that marriage isnt important, but marriage between 2 people is hard enough in some cases let alone a marriage with 3,4 or 5 people involved.
[/QUOTE]

Yup, good point. A distant relative of mine has actually got two wives on the go ... two families, etc. He moves around between his two houses. God forbid the two wives come face to face, all hell breaks loose. Not only that, but he has kids from both marriages. How do you think they view this, especially the kids from the first marriage? Needless to say, his second marriage (for which there was no real reason other than, "I'm Muslim, I'm allowed up to four wives") resulted in pretty much destroying any relationship he had with the kids from the first wife. The first wife didn't need to brainwash the children to hate their father. They were in their teens at the time and big enough to think for themselves.

111

^ exaclty chick, no one seems to think about the children involved in such cases. From my personal experience, sometimes some fathers feel they don't need to consider their children from their previous wife. Quite a sad situation really, to think that you helped produce a child and yet because you can produce new ones with a new wife you care not to think of the children you already have.

112

But you know what? How many pakistani men actually take more than one wife? They’re usually feudal families, if at all. Some do it for visa/immigration reasons.

In which case, girls, avoid feudal families, and guys who are on the move from one country to the other.

I think this is more prevalent in Arabs than it is in us, really. And you’ll always have guys who misuse the 4 wife rule.

Here, I’d like to bring in a religious tid-bit. In Islamic school, (I dont know how true this is, but it makes a whole lot of sense), if a woman does not want her husband to take on any more ladies, she can have it put as a clause in her nikkahnama. Apparently, one can add clauses to a nikkahnama.

And here is why I say this:

“If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; Even though men’s souls are swayed by Greed.”

  • Surah Nisaa.

There ya go. That is my interpretation of the verse, although the translator of the text I have says that this verse refers to any agreements made that can avert a divorce, since that would not be healthy for any children involved. Since the verse does not specify when the settlement should be made, I would think that a woman has every right to broach the issue of having 2+ wives, and that taking on a second wife for the hell of it, or taking one on for “economic support” when charity can easily be given instead, etc will be a breach of agreement between man and wife.

I already know what the counterargument is, so go for it. :k:

113

My mamoo has two wives, the first wife insisted that he get married again so that he could have kids, it was "noble" of her.

114

^^ not noble but mean if she wanted kids, noble if your mamoo wanted them. WHy didn't they adopt? Just curious.

115

Nice to see my 4 Wives are back on-line. So any of your Gals on this forum that'll be ok being wife 2 , 3, 4? Hey In Islam OK's it so whats the hangup? You know Islam is not a religion its a way of life. So live like it.

116

over my dead body…if the kam*na still doesnt care…then i’ll threaten to strangle his kids in front of him…there that shud work…actually i dont think my husband wud even think up such fantasieis…i’ll make sure his resume has a few yrs work experience in APWA and the like…khidmetguzar tabaydaar admi, a real ‘team player’ at best…:flower1:

117

^^ You'll strangle his kids. In other words you will kill your own kids. Come on ghulail. Most women think like "My husband wwill never do this" till it hits them. As far APWA is concerned, it's hunting grounds for men. Trust me, my grand ma (may she rest in peace) was the president of APWA chapter where we lived, and that was the only time I would volunteer to drive her to the APWA center, rest of the time the driver sufficed. Also the meena bazaar scene where I would volunteer to drive the bi4c4h4es (Mods please dont delete this if PCG can call all men are pigs then I can call all women are bitc$es) back and forth.

Ghulail look at this way you will get a lifetime SAhaili.;) Talk about team player. See if he even gets three wives , you can all play HEarts and RUngh together.

118

okay okay dont make me feel bad........i wont strangle all of em........i'll 'threaten' to strangle only his fav daughter........n u get me wrong abt most women think it wont happen until it does thingy.......theres something called hypervigilance and tight control which makes sure it doesnt happen, not te other way round.... thinking he is too shareef n stuff.......as for the sahailiyan, my social lifes not going to be that f*kked up that i need a sautan to play pattay wid in the same house!.......playng cards is anyways for 60-yr-olds anemic-white women with rheumatoid arthritis in their joints, still weaning on Austen and Wilde and the likes.....so no thanks.

119

Ghulail first off its not sautan its a saukan. When all of you are in 60s you wont need a card partner.
As for hypervigilance, I feel bad for your hubby. Do you wear the pants in the house?

Edit: Added this for PCG

[QUOTE]

"If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; Even though men's souls are swayed by Greed."

  • Surah Nisaa. [/QUOTE]

verse pls.

I think women can't handle competition, are jealous creatures and tend to be possessive. Atleast thats what I have gathered so far from this discussion. So a man might be greedy (or it can mean reaching for higher standards, high achievers etc) but women are usually jealous always invoking those crocodile tears to get their way.

120

I said to my husband once coz he was joking about this topic
that if he would marry a girl in Pk then i dont want that she come
over here, i said to my husband she have to stay in Pk or i will leave him. I said to him i dont want share my husband with a other women.