:k: :k:
this was really goodâŚlolâŚABCDs khawand kay uparâŚlolâŚu have a pointâŚ
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*Originally posted by Verizon: *
Are you sure you are not my sister? PM me your real name.
ABCD= American born confused desi. But I was implying towards girls that were raised abroad.
The girls in Pakistan are basically Khavand keh neechay so they'll just shut up and put up with it their soukans
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come on yarrr....which world are you living in?....maybe you are an ABCD guy too...otherwise you should know that girls back home are no more khawand kay necchay either.....i am talking about well educated girls back home.....they dont take any BS either....actually ABCD girls ko baiwaqoof banana zayaddda assann ha......
Well my goodness it seems that we're getting "off-thread" a bit here...
I am a woman and living here in the us of a, NO WAY am I going to share my man with another woman. Were I living in Pak, it MIGHT be another story but it would depend completely upon the circumstances. Is it a lustful thing or a woman in need of a husband that will enter our lives? Thats the thing.
I mean, gals you're kidding yourselves if you think you will find a man who worships you to the point that he will never LOOK at another woman. "Eye candy" is essential to men. I mean, there was actually a study done on male/female sexuality that found men thinking sexual thoughts at least once every 30 minutes while women had sexual thoughts maybe once or twice a day. The thing of importance here is whether the man has respect for the sanctity of your marriage, for keeping honor between husband and wife.
I've seen and been thru many relationship problems. From my experiences, what I've learned is that when women stray, its because they do not have love. Men, when they stray, are just looking to "shoot a load" (sorry to be crude but that's just the point!) Fundamental differences here between the sexes.
But to get back to the original question, you know I would not like to share my man. But with 3 boys under the age of 4, there have been times (more than I would likely admit!) that I wished for another woman in the house! lol! The main thing, the important thing, is to feel secure in the love of your partner. 4 wives is pretty excessive and if thats the case, the guy needs a muzzle for his thingy. unless there is widespread famine, disease, rampant unemployment etc etc. Otherwise, muzzle it guys.
Sarah, if your nick doesn't work, then why don't you just re-register with a new name, instead of posting under Maniac's name all the time?
What are you trying to show, really?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by phoenixdesi: *
come on yarrr....which world are you living in?....maybe you are an ABCD guy too......................know that girls back home are no more khawand kay necchay either.....any BS either....actually ABCD girls ko baiwaqoof ...............ha......
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PD The women back home are prone to a multiple wife setup educated or not. Yes the trend is dying and good riddance. "Khawand keh Nichay" was a generalization and so far the women folk on this forum havent let me down with the exception of Mama of 3 to which I will reply in a moment. You can call it immaturity but I read in this post about girls (pardon the generalization once again) calling their mums, if education means picking up the phone then OK. The baifaqoof thing to a degree I understand but ABCD women are more assertive (upar nichay) than their counterparts.
Mamaof3: Regarding your last paragraph; We (Pakis) have servants back home to assist in household work freeing up the woman folk to do whatever they do (shop for shoes, making pretty etc). Now would you like to share your man under that circumstance? I am not talking about household help here I am talking competition.
On the same token I do hear you about marriage out of necessity and that is one of the reason why multiple marriages are prescribed in Islam however Mans' lust and creativity has twisted that law and applied it to its advantage.
The things people will say.Goodness some people have major problems.A bit tiring really, what the hell do people get out of such pathetic nonsense.
I guess they need some place where they can feel better about themselves.
And even though I would leave my husband if he ever got such a notion into his head- I think that its something quite amazing about women who do have a hubby who marries more than one wife.Our Prophet (SAW) had more than one wife, and it did work out.So if a woman allowes her hubby to marry again, all the more to her.I know of a couple of guys who married widows, and their wives let them.Although I will never understand how they can have such generous hearts ,Im glad those women (who were widows) have hope in their lives now.
:)
Four Wives
I guess some mod couldn't hack it so they deleted my thread. So here it is again.
How would fellow guppans feel if their hubbies informed them that they were bringing another partner?
Let's keep "I'll call my mum" out cause if the guy is bringing in another wife he really doesn't cares about mum-in-law.
Would you girls be able to hack it?
What are you trying to imply???Are you trying to sympathise with women or are you you trying to criticise Islamic notion of 4 wives???
Alright, lets give this a go again. :)
If he marries 4, or even 2, it shows that he's not too intelligent to begin with.
I bring in my Ray Romano quote again.
If you are having problems with your wife, then you don't go get another woman. Then you have two problems.
As far as I know, a man cannot marry simply cause he has the hots for another woman. There are certain rules and regulations that need to be adhered to. Living in North America, women donât âneedâ to get married in order to be protected, have a home, have an income, status, etc., which are some of the reasons why multiple marriages are encouraged in Islam. Also, there are so many government programs out there to help widowed women. If there is an orphaned child involved, then of course it will complicate things ⌠but I still donât think a man needs to marry again just to be father figure. There are too many support networks here ⌠thereâs no justification/good enough reasoning for a woman to marry a man who already has a wife. Remember, Iâm talking about the west ⌠not the Middle East where women have much fewer rights than we enjoy in the West. Over there, it would be a different scenario.
Letâs think of it this way; would I like to be wife number two or three or even four knowing full well he is already married? No.
When it comes to lust, no way will I sit back and smile while my future husband marries a second, third and fourth time. Iâll mostlikely be out of there if he marries again âŚ
I read Mamaof3âs response before the thread was removed, and I have to say, I wholeheartedly agree with her views. :k:
Someone once explained to me (a guppy present among up :P ) that the reason is that in times of war, etc when a really large population of female widows is left behind...
the ability to marry 4 wives allows for these women to be cared for emotionally.
The idea is that a widow is out on her own with kids, and its one thing that she's got to manage financially. Even if the infrastructure of the civilization allowed for her to manage on her own...she still needs emotional support (i.e. good luvin').
What do you girls make of that?
By not allowing your husband to marry a 2nd, 3rd, and 4rth, you are denying happiness to many other women?
Marry ...when ever ,....whoever you want to....life is too short to fall into fake escapes of reasoning...if it's going to happen ..it's going to happen...if it's going to be 2,3,4...it would be...2,3,4
Hmmm, call me selfish :p
Oh, and to paint a possible picture.
There are 100 men left after war, or whatever. There were 400 men total. And then there were their 400 women. The 400 ladies survive.
So now we have 100 couples (man-wife), and 300 women left widowed.
By not allowing every man to take an extra 3 women, we now have 300 ladies left that have no source of emotional care-taking. 300 Lonely depressed women.
Which can result in suicides. Which can result in decreased mothering capacity. Etc.
Thoughts?
Goliko: Just trying to avoid Zina. Not criticizing religion here (dont be so sensitive), plus the way religion has prescribed dual marriages is for a noble cause, this has been twisted in modern times. Sympathizing with women maybe.
PCG: You attack this from a different perspective. Ray might be your role model but he is not an authority. I dont think intellingence is at play here plus our Prophet married mutiple times so your example can be considered blasphemous (in an abstract way).
Edit: I like what I see this time around. Much more mature discussion. Thank you
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*Originally posted by PyariCgudia: *
Oh, and to paint a possible picture.
There are 100 men left after war, or whatever. There were 400 men total. And then there were their 400 women. The 400 ladies survive.
So now we have 100 couples (man-wife), and 300 women left widowed.
By not allowing every man to take an extra 3 women, we now have 300 ladies left that have no source of emotional care-taking. 300 Lonely depressed women.
Which can result in suicides. Which can result in decreased mothering capacity. Etc.
Thoughts?
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I can't relate to this, cause it's just not a reality ... over here (meaning the West). It's a situation right now in the middle east and if I was living there, then maybe I would even consider it. I just can't over here though. Nor will I encourage it. Call me selfish.
BTW Mamaof3s approach to this question was very selfish, she was looking for help around the house. For that we have servants back home.
ANd for you, youâd be ok if he brought W2 you being W1? But if he brought you in as W2 youâd have an issue why?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Verizon: *
Goliko: Just trying to avoid Zina. Sympathizing with women maybe.
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If you are not able to fulfill your duties towards 4 wives...then don't commit 4 times...as simple as that..
No, you misunderstood.
I wouldn't be o.k. if he brought wife 2 with me being wife 1, nor would I be o.k. being someone's wife 2. It's just supposed to be two people; 1 husband and 1 wife. Simple. Again, living in NORTH AMERICA, there is no justification at all for having multiple wives. We have far too many services here to help people out.
I didn't read Mamaof3's response like that at all. I can't relate to her views of wanting additional help in the house cause I don't have three (or any) kids like she does. I don't need a maid; nor would I expect any additional wives to provide the services of a maid. Anyway, she said she was joking about this. She even had the little "lol" in there. :p
She raised a lot of good points; it's a bit unrealistic for some of the girls who posted to expect a man to never look at another woman. However, that doesn't mean that it's acceptable for him to justify a second and third and fourth marriage due to his need to satisfy his urges. She also said that unless it was some extreme circumstances (war, famine, disease, rampant unemployment, etc.), there just is no need OVER HERE to marry again ... assuming lust is the only issue.
^Love & Lust is always the main issue in a man's live....